Birthday dinner for B was a SUCCESS! He loved his food and cake and said no one other than family has ever made his birthday so special. LOVE IT! He even stayed for a midnight birthday kiss. Which makes for a tired moi but certainly glad I was able to provide joy to others. I think that is why I love cooking, I love the joy it brings to others. Plus I love his kisses and hugs. He pulls me close, as he towers over me. I feel like a tiny little princess as he leans down with such a big smile. I wanted him to stay to cuddle (I do not cuddle, but he is one that I actually do not mind cuddling with), at least that thought crossed my mind. Great end to the night. B is such a genuinely good guy. B and I have similar types of friends. Similar all over the place personality. He has an evil/bad/really fun B side, just like I have an evil/bad/really fun side when drinking. Both of us recognize those bad behaviors and have been our twins away. We both volunteer and care about others. We both love to laugh and have a good time. He loves to be the certain of attention, where I am more in the background. I like that he is that way, it lets me just chill and I like to just chill. He seemed nervous in kissing me last night or rather this morning. Probably due to much lower alcohol content last night, than his previous I want to kiss you moment. So his confidence was down a bit, but still major attraction. He keeps me guessing. I am letting him be the pursuer since his life is crazy. No rushing, which is a fabulous thing. On paper, he is a great fit for me. I adore him
But then there is L. He is just so respectful, and never pressures me (nor has he for the 8 plus years I have known him). Teases me endlessly, seems to know exactly what I want, I feel drunk off his kisses sometimes. But always respectful, like in high school. I close my eyes and smell him, feel him near me. I love being close to him. I feel safe when he is around. I want to kiss him, I want him to hold me. But when he is not around, I feel like I am the farthest thing from his mind. He is busier than me at times. Such a hard worker but that leaves little time for anything else. We talk about almost everything. Very few secrets we keep from each other. I often wonder, is my attraction the fact that we are such close friends who have an insane attraction to each other, that neither has acted on, coupled with the fact he reminds me of Vin Diesel my celeb crush. Or is there more. Can we in fact survive our different backgrounds and make it work? Or is our attraction the fact we have had a high school on again off again romance for years with no consummation.. no real calling it a relationship, more than friendship.
Today for lunch L and I ran home, ate leftovers, ate some cake then made out standing up in the kitchen. It was a yummy lunch. I know I know.. bad girl very bad girl. I am okay with it, super hot lunch.
I am conflicted. A lot... I like them both. I am not monogamous with anyone, and it is just a little harmless high school making out. I like them both, but both need to step up if they like me. I want to be courted, I want to be treated the way they should treat me (not that either do not already) but they do both lack the follow through of making plans, so I fill up and they get no time.. I have other guys asking me out and making effort, so I seriously, need one of them to man up. I like them both a lot. ......... They both make me ridiculously happy, each in their own way. Only time will tell which direction I will go. I am sure they will weed themselves out, or someone else will come along that will man up and I will be left with "what if?". I do know that I like dating someone I am friends with first. I like the fact that they already know my personality and they seem to be less aggressive with me and more willing to go with the flow. Right now, I am back to thinking dating is fun. But I think it is because I am back to being in a really good place with me and having my confidence back. Which of course makes me more attractive. Happy smiley girls are sexy girls!
So, I had my cake (see below).. ate it too and got some kisses. Life is not so bad!
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