Cancer-anniversary

Today is the day I heard the words that would forever alter my life. The words that made my heart stop beating for a moment. The words the would bring tears to fill my eyes. The words that made me hold my babies tight as I cried. The words that would cause me insomnia. The words that  fill me with dread. The words that would take so much from me, yet would give me so much in return. The words that make any sane person dread hearing. The words that when said, make someones face immediately go sad.  The words that bring an instant knot to my stomach that just sits there. The words that made me feel like I was beginning a new life within my existing life.  The words that made me learn medical terms. The words that allowed people to reach out and show how much I mean to them and how very much they mean to me. The words that brought old friends back into my life. The words that brought new friends into my life. The words that helped repair relationships, bring people closer together. The words that change my vision of this past year in ways I could never have imagined. The words that made me emergency wean my kids, before they or I were ready too. The words that showed me how fierce a mothers love is. The words that helped non emotional people show emotion. The words that humbled me. The words that made me see other sides of the coin. The words that made me completely sure that living each day to the fullest is the way to go. The words that reinforced, that I have a choice to be happy despite what is happening to me. The words that hearing, well.. it sucks. The words I wouldn't wish anyone to have to hear. The words that still make me sad when I hear someone else hearing the  same words.  The words, that the doctor said with calmness, steadiness, a bit of sadness, "Jamie I am so sorry to tell you this, we got the biopsy results and it is malignant. We need you to have an MRI asap and get into a surgeon."

From there this year has been one non stop roller coaster. It has had highs and lows, lots of tears yet lots of laughs too. It has taught me so much about who I am and who I want to be. It has taught me the endless amounts of love that still exist in this world! Thank you to all who have stood by me and loved me!  Your support has been incredible!  I have an appt tomorrow (we have been pushed back a week.. no clue why) but should only have 2 more treatments!  I will never know which day I went into remission but today is the day I started fighting to be in remission!  Thank you, thank you, thank you for being there for me and my family!  Much love to you all!

Love
Jamie
#fightinglikeagirl #wegotthis #byebyecancer #inremission #operationwatchbabiesgrowup

#oneyearsurvivor

My Birthday

HI Y'all!

Today is the last day of my 30's. I am not going to lie, this last year did not happen the way I thought it would. Not at all. No way at all, had you told me last year that I would have faced, battled, and won a fight against cancer, that i would have believed  you. I would have laughed. I may have had that little nagging feeling something was wrong, but never did I imagine it was cancer. I honestly thought I was just a little postpartum depressed. I just felt a little blue and totally chaotic with two little nursling's and a toddler that reverted back to an infant over night. But cancer? no way!  Funny how life has its own plan.

One year ago I was happy being home with my two sweet boys and thinking of happy things to do for my birthday and all the things I wanted to do for the last year of my 30's. Well my birthday did not go as planned, which was exactly how my year went. Nothing planned, things in the air and chaotic ever moving vibes wrapping me at all times. I did not expect my post partum check up would end up with me getting an ultrasound on a lump in my breast.  I look back at that girl. Wow, she seems so much younger then the one today. I wish I could warn her of what was to come, but I have a feeling she would have handled it the same. In the past few weeks I have been on a cleaning purging binge. My husband is loving it though he doesn't see he is partly to blame.... regardless, I need this house de-cluttered and stress free :D

Tomorrow I turn 40. I will wake up with my babies, and spend the day enjoying their giggles, meltdowns, hugs and kisses. I will live tomorrow like it is my last, because every day is a treasure and should be cherished. I will continue to find joy in every day living because that means I am alive. I challenge you to do the same. Every day, be more positive, be more light, be more free, be more happy!

Much love to you all!
Tomorrow, i turn 40!

Jamie
#fightinglikeagirl #wegotthis #byebyecancer #operationwatchbabiesgrowup