Living Proof

Living Proof is a movie based on how the drug that is saving my life, Herceptin, was created and the fabulous Dr. Slamon who pushed boundaries in thinking outside the box to find something that could possibly cure breast cancer, as he was tired of seeing women go through chemo, surgery and radiation and still dying. He thought "there has to be a better way" and he did it. He found the better way. He fought 12 years to get this drug, into a clinical trial and to get the FDA to approve it.  He had amazing people helping him and an amazing wife who supported him.  This movie hit home, as one of the first test subjects, was a woman who was 28, postpartum with her 2nd child when diagnosed stage 4 breast cancer. This could have been me.  Easily, had I waited another month to be seen, it would have been me. Because of her and the other women who took a leap of faith to try this, I am here and I have no cancer active in my body. The stem cells are still there, but they have been shut off. She sadly did not qualify for the clinical trials but that ONE shot, gave her 2 extra years with her boys.  Which I know meant the world to her, as it would to me.  Through this whole process, I just want more time with them, I want them to remember me, for me to have some influence on their lives. I have time now, thanks to those women and that doctor.

Today I just found out one of my friends who has fought cancer, with such grace and positivity, lost her battle yesterday. The world will definitely feel the loss of her. She was such a fiery, positive, bright light!

I hope I can continue to shine brightly for all of these amazing people who came before me, for those who won and those who lost their battles. I will keep fighting and keep trying to be a light of good in a world full of darkness!

#fightinglikeagirl
#wegotthis

Unexpected call

I received an unexpected call today, from the insurance companies case manager, over my cancer. She told me that I was an inspiration. I know only made her day, but I made her month. All because while I was telling her my story, I was staying upbeat and positive and looking at the bright side of everything. That I needed to write a book.  Maybe one day I will! These posts will definitely help me remember this year. How hard I fight to not leave my babies. I did tear up, when we talked about nursing and me having to give that up. That is a tough pill to swallow still. Does cancer suck? yeah yeah it does. But are there perks? Yes yes there are!  I get to see the good in most every person I meet. For some reason, even a mean person, will be nice to someone going through cancer treatments.  Theres something humbling in that.  It's really nice to know how someone feels about you!  The calls, texts, cards, presents, breastmilk, house/yard work, food and more, mean the world! Makes you want to be a better person.  Makes you happy!  Every day I have a choice. I can be happy or wallow. And while wallowing is very appetizing. I have two littles that need a happy energetic mama. So every day I wake up and if needed, fake it until I make it! And I always, well most days make it at least most of the day!  Those sweet smiles make me smile. There is so much beauty in the world, you just have to be open to it and put it out there as well!  I wish we would all just be good humans. Be kind, loving, respectful, hard working and truthful, this world would be a better place. Life's to short to spend it mad and negative. Take a load off by trying smile and be happy! 

Have a fabulous day!  Thanks for loving me! 

Jamie

#fightinglikeagirl #wegotthis #inspiration 

Great news

I tried to post on Friday but had technical issues again and was super busy all weekend!

So Friday we got the results of my PET scan.  I will say I cried a lot and every time I think about it, I tear up.  The scan showed NO EVIDENCE OF MALIGNANT DISEASE!  That is right, I am cancer free!  This does not change the course of treatment, it just means, the treatment is working! I am very very very thankful!  I cannot even express how exactly I feel. Mixed emotions for sure!  I am thrilled about it and so much more nervous about surgery now. But goodness it makes me smile knowing I am not leaving my sweet family!

I celebrated this weekend with my friends on Sunday. We cooked out and let the kids play as we drank champagne and  toasted to many more years together!  Oh happy day!

Thank you to all of you for your love, support, thoughts, vibes and prayers!  So thankful for an amazing team of doctors that acted quickly and got me through this!

Thanks a bunch!  Much love to you all!

#wegotthis #fightinglikeagirl

Technical issues

I am so sorry for the long pause in posts. I promise I have tried but the app keeps shutting down on me before I finish my post :(

So since the last post, I have had  a PET scan that I requested since when they wanted me to get one I was nursing and refused to not nurse my baby knowing i would have to give that up soon. .The guy at the time told me I would need to not have direct contact for 24 hours with the kids.  So my sister kept them for me. I got 9 hours of sleep that night which was amazing! But I paid for it as the kids were super clingy and wanted MAMA all weekend.. which I was happy to oblige, but it hurt daddy's feelings :(    Jax took it the hardest i would say. He regressed a bunch and dry nursed going to bed all this weekend. Which is a little painful for me but he soothed him, so I let him. he doesn't have much longer of having that option, and I did not have the heart to say no when i miss it just as much as he does!  My sweet first baby!  Cass also missed Mama and wanted just me for everything this weekend. I am definitely tired but loved all my snuggles.  I should get the results this week at my Oncologist appt that I have before chemo!

I had my gyno appt this week and she is being extra vigilant since I am ER+ and her2+ (Estrogen fueled cancer with a super cell that likes to replicate quickly)  it has been known to spread to uterus area so we are doing an ultrasound in Feb to make sure  nothing has spread.

This week I have been very very emotional. I cry at a drop of a hat. I am definitely freaked out over the double mastectomy. The loss of part of my body sucks. I am not sure I really am on board with removing the lymph nodes and the hardest part is the unknowns with post op and the kids.  The kids and I snuggle at night. We enjoy it, it makes us happy, I am not looking to change things.  It will be some restless nights once I am back home. 1. because they are super needy after we have been apart and 2. because I will be in slight to moderate pain and they are going to want to snuggle right where the incisions are. Will definitely be interesting. I keep saying, i do not want this to affect them but it is and will, which makes me cry. dang leaky eyes!

I need strength to stay strong!  Oh my sweet boys!  I am looking forward to knowing my results of my PET scan. I am actually being super calm about it.  I know it is what it is at this point. We will know if it has spread or if its going away. The best case is its all gone, worst case it has spread.. either way, we will deal with this!  

Have a fabulous day!

#fightinglikeagirl #wegotthis