Day 31

Day 31..... it is a very nice day to live in Florida.. I was able to lay out and sun bathe.. oh how the sun felt so delicious. I felt like I could not soak up enough. I wish I had a pool. I would have stayed out there for hours, but alas no pool, only nasty sand from dogs who make the back yard look very white trashy.

Day 30

Day 30.. I am exhausted... I woke up and made KTK some baked cheese grits.. then worked out, went to work, volunteered 3 hours and am home.. I came home to a partially painted house :) yippee! The house looks small with the dark color.. but that is ok.. it still looks pretty.. and will look better than having the colors reversed. Plus it will help in keeping attracting heat in the winter... and the summers are never that bad.. I will probably need to get a little more insulation for the attic..i think that will help with the electric bill in the summer time.. It is just funny it took me to break up with grumpy for him to paint the house.. but it is getting done :) When he gets motivated he is the hardest worker. Just take a bit to get him motivated.

No other big news... I have been thinking a lot. It has been nice to be friends again with grumpy even if i know he wants more.. i am not giving in. He has a lot of growing up to do, and as much as I do love him and I do very much.. he needs to want more than a mediocre life and needs to prove he is reliable. This is a great start.. but i do not think much else will happen. I do hope he moves. He needs too, but I think even if he does, he will be back. He is not good at making new friends.. he is comfy with the ones he has. But regardless it has been good being friends and not wanting to stab him with words. Plus I have looked really hot and he keeps telling me so :) whoo hoo!

I am tired.. i am not thinking well. Going to bed now! Night night!

Day 29

Day 29.... I am tired. Kids are tiring. go go go go go.. cry cry cry.. sleep go go go.. But oh are they so cute! I was told this am " Mommy told me to practice.. but don't listen" haha at least she can admit her faults :)

It did make me kind of sad, as I handled the kids really well and really am ready for them. But I do know I do not want them by myself. At least now I can give them back :)

Wow everyone keeps commenting on how awesome I am looking. I feel fabulous. I have lost 30 lbs since July.. so it has been a LONG process and a lot of HARD work.I have made a complete lifestyle change. And no i didn't look big by any stretch of the imagination even with 30 lbs on me. But I could tell, and I didn't want to be in a bathing suit in front of people.. Now i would walk around naked and not care :) I feel sexy.. I feel alive. I have so much energy and I feel strong... very empowering. Especially when others comment on me. Though there are some haters out there.. I keep telling people.. I quit drinking.. i started working out twice a day ( am now down to just once a day) and I watch EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth.. even at parties.. it is all about the choices you make and I choose to eat healthy. So I wish haters would stop hating and focus on them :)

Day 28

Well last night was very interesting.. Grumpy stopped by to give me some of my stuff.. not all still :( but we had a good convo and i got a lot of my chest. it was nice to hear him say he was sorry and felt horrible about everything. It was also nice to hear that wow i did do a lot for him and he finally is realizing what all I did do. I was also proud that when he tried to kiss me i said no. I really didn't have the desire. My attraction is based on memories.. but there wasn't that want to go there again. I think I have finally de-goobered my life :) it does help knowing I did all I could and that he did not try hard enough. I am sure he will find a mediocre girl and lead a mediocre life. I want more than a mediocre life. I want to be in love and loved back in return, i want respect and fun and all the ups and downs that life will bring. I do not fear the down times I embrace them, as you cannot appreciate the ups if you never have downs.

Plus I think my crush is helping ease that transition also. Whoo hoo for a good life

Plus plus plus I get to see that cutie patootie nieces again tomorrow :) That always makes me happy!

Happy Friday Ya'll!

Day 27

This week started out with a grouchy Jamie as Aunt Flo visited and made me miserable..... I had to deal with people who were driving me insane.. but all was better today. Today was an amazing day. Tonight I got to go play with C and the ella's They are such beautiful girls and so much fun. As soon as I walked up the oldest said "You are soo pretty" How can you not fall in love with that? And by the end of the night "I love you" was said to me.. I adore those girls. I wished they lived closer. But that also does not help me with the very strong connection C and I have. Maybe it is because we both have had crushes on each other since 6th grade. All I know is you can cut the sexual tension with a knife. We have never kissed. But both are looking quite amazing for 33. He is going to fight in the Police vs Firefighter boxing event coming up. I am super excited to see him in that. We are trying to keep things platonic.. as he needs to get this sluttiness out of his system and get things squared away with the ex. But I was very comfy hanging out with him and those precious girls. A little too comfy. It actually scared me a bit and made me a little sad, that I am ready for that life.. but it is still out of reach.

At least i am not closing myself off to a possibility, I am kinda proud of myself for that :)

Off to sleep now..

Day 26

Oy I am glad today is Tuesday and V-day has passed. So i was already in a grouchy mood from Sunday, which ended up being great. But then I wake up and it is Monday (I do not like Mondays) then Aunt Flo came and it was V-day and everyone around me seemed to be in love. Which is great for them.. but really just this one day you want to be all lovey? what happened to ALL year of telling someone you love them? But really the day was fabulous other than me feeling super exhausted all day and grouchy.. though midol seemed to help :) I received lots of love yesterday which was also nice :) it was nice to see soo many friends in love.. even if some will go in debt for their extravaganza yesterday..

But really I have the best friends in the world! Which makes life's bumps and bruises much easier to deal with :)

Day 25

Ok so as you can tell, I totally did not come back on and write again. Had a good night at Kickbacks..came home watched tv and relaxed.

I am very contemplative today. I miss my Mommy. She is such a good person and loves me so much. Sometimes I wonder if it would be best for me to move closer to home. Sometimes I wonder, what my life would be like had I married B. We would have been happy. He loved me for me, he loved my quirky personality, we grew up together, had the same friends and loved each other.. something always drew us together... he just didn't love george's hair.. which was his ultimate demise. But had we worked that out, and got him out of the trailer (just one more reason), I think we would have been happy. We would have double dated with C and H until we died. Which is ironic since C was my first date and it was a double date.. lol... I miss my friends.. I miss that life we could have had.. We would have been surrounded by the familiar and I would still be eating meat. He never would have turned into a perv and gotten arrested for peaking under the dressing rooms in target, never would have ruined his life. Had only we stayed together.. we might both be crazy happy right now, with a few tow headed rug rats running around. I would have been proud to be his wife (up until that unfortunate incident). He was handsome, made me laugh, loved me so much.. i was the bitch, i pushed him away, i broke his heart, all because i was sooo scared of settling. But what I couldn't see was that it was not settling, it was being happy. I could have saved myself so much heartache. But I wouldn't be the girl I am today. I wouldn't be a member of Junior League, I would be living in the country, riding my horses, married to a sheriff deputy, with kids and family dinners with both families once a week. I can picture it all. I wish I could tell him I am sorry, I am sorry I messed up what our life would have been to see what else was out there. My parents always encouraged me to be curious and form my own path. I just never knew when to stop. That is the story of my life. I never know when enough is enough. I am getting better at self restraint. But it is hard. It is a constant struggle. Maybe one day I will succeed. Until then I will keep trying to be a better person.

Time to get ready for K's moms funeral :( that is sad.. I do not want to think about my mommy passing.. I know it is a long time away.. but she is my mommy and I do not know what to do without her. I love her.. I hope I can keep it together for K todaty.. I am going to do my best

ok time to get ready :)

Day 24

I had a fabulous visit from my parentals and nieces.. they make me smile. We walked down to the park, they played, we walked and ate lunch at a little italian place. We then walked back to the park and fed the ducks and walked home. Daddy and I kept taking turns carrying the nieces on our shoulders.. spoiled buggers.. i am tired. yet still have a full night ahead. must wake up.

The cats are very happy that the nieces have left. It is sad. All the nieces want to do is love them, and the cats run and hide ;(

I absolutely LOVE how i rearranged my living room. Makes me very happy!

Ok randomness done. I might write more later.. might....

Day 23

I just got the biggest moral boost. Now the man in question, is a great man, in a bad circumstance, but still a great man who if circumstances were different, there may be a shot for us. But alas, life is not different and this amazing person with lots in common with me and that spark that i must feel is an arm length away, yet it actuality he is miles away from being accessible to me. Luckily we are two very mature (well sometimes)adults who recognize this and will not react to that. Still I am glad he is my friend and that we can continue to support each other as friends. He is definitely someone I want in my corner :) Now if only i could clone him.. hmmmmmm ok time to put evil/contemplative Jamie back in her box.....

Day 22

Day 22 of me actually blogging (in case you were wondering what the days were meaning at this point)

date with M went well. Very nice, opened doors, paid. And reminded of me of a friends husband who i adore and think is fabulous (well both of them really) so the fact that he reminded me of someone I already think is awesome is good. He was quite shy but totally opened up and kept engaged in the conversation. I rambled a bit but that is me.. HI I am Jamie and I ramble too much. Hence why i have this blog.. so I can ramble and you can read it or not.. it does not matter to me. So M, seems to be about where I am in life, except he didn't fall for the, "you need to buy a house" hype .. I am slightly jealous I must admit. I would love to never have to think of fixing up the house. ah that would be paradise.

Ok so I am about to attempt to make a pineapple cobbler with no recipe... should be interesting :) ps it turned out fabulous, I unfortunately ate half of it. This week I must buckle down on my calories :( i just love the crusty part and just keep wanting more and more.. i should never have made that cobbler but se la vie!

Day 21

I have a clean house.. like spare bathroom is clean.. bedding laundered.... i have even started reorganizing kitchen cabinets. The house smells so yummy. I also tutored this am and made some homemade spanokapita.. oh so yummy. i need to work out but this crappy weather is really making me not want too. I have also locked the animals out of the bedrooms hahaha they are not happy.. especially the cats but not all the bedding is finished and i do not need them laying all on my clean sheets before the comforter is back.

I started this post around 1ish today and its 9:30 pm and I am just not getting back to this. The house is clean... i am full... and i did not work out, so i have to get up in the am and work out extra long ;( oh well that is what i get for taking a day off and eating like crap. Well not really like crap but just more than i should have.

I am excited to crawl into a freshly laundered bed. Makes me very happy to get into a clean bed. Though i am too full to go to bed :( silly me. That is ok I want to read.. it has been nice to just relax. I do not know how people with kids manage to survive with no alone time.. or little alone time. I cherish this time. Oh I am oh so full. Eyes bigger than belly... blah......................

I am getting excited for my "interview" tomorrow. My friend MS decided dates at this age were interviews and she is correct. We are interviewing.. We know we are fabulous.. so we are interviewing a possible partner for life. We put our best foot forward, remember our manners and clean up nicely. It is amazing what we do to impress that potential mate. It is not like the days where you already knew that person and that is why you go on a date.. now you go out with someone you barely know, yet the timeline seems to be at a extremely fast pace. Either way, I am excited to see how it goes.

Ok going to get my beauty rest

Ta ta

day 20

I really should have done week's.. I think i under estimated the time commitment it takes to keep up with a blog everyday. It is hard. Especially when you are a busy girl like me..

I had the best time last night tutoring E. She amazes me. She is so bright, just gets distracted like her mom and I do. I am a lucky girl to be in her and her families life. Her, and her sister S and her mom make me smile. They are good sweet girls. Plus it makes me feel good I could help out. Plus I was happy I got a work out in before that and had sushi with A.. all in all a good night


It is a rainy day and Grumpy keeps texting today.. (since he can't work bc its raining) so apparently its let's bother Jamie day.. I am ok with that.. i get to make fun comments back :)

I am super excited for my date with M tonight. He has some potential.. and hopefully will make for a good blog post. T was awesome.. just no spark.. so i am hoping M is awesome with a spark.. i do need the spark.. sad but true.

ta ta for now!