Day 51

I feel amazing. I keep being told I am an inspiration to others. That is an absolutely amazing feeling. I have worked hard. I have lost 43 lbs to date. I started a year ago (July 2010. I stopped drinking, i started working out, and i cut calories. I did it the right way. I did not cut corners, or take meds. I used me and my body to get the fat that had accumulated on me off.
Was it easy? NO, not at all.
Did it feel good? not while I thought I was going to die.. after yes sure. I love the sore feeling. I love the feeling that I did work. I love the feeling of fat melting off. Funny to say "fat melting off" but that is how i see it. The more my muscles burn, the more I can feel the fat going bye bye.
I have pushed myself through what I thought were my physical limits. I pushed through the feeling that my heart was going to pop out of my chest, or that my lungs were going to explode (or implode), pushed through the feeling that i wanted to die just so i could catch my breath.
Do I always win my internal battle? No, not at all. I am my own worst enemy. Some days when I am running, my brain says, " you should stop" When I know my lungs and body can handle more. I have to literally say "Keep going, you can do it, you feel fine" I have to be my own coach. I do not have anyone else to push me forward. Over 40 lbs later, I know I can push forward and I know that others can also. I am happy to help others stay motivated to push forward. it takes work and dedication, but what in life is easy? From my experience the best things and the ones you work you a$$ off to obtain. I work through the haters, the de-motivators, the food pushers all to be the girl I know I can be.
it is a good feeling. I have overcome a lot in the past year. I have learned I do not need a man, I have learned what my body needs to survive and that it really does not need the over indulgence of crappy food (even if it tastes good) and that my body really does love a good work out.

Need inspiration? Email me. I am more than willing to help!

Live strong and live life to the fullest!

Day 50

You know when you just get a feeling, someone is not telling you the whole truth or lying completely? I have been getting that feeling a lot, from several people. I feel paranoid. I have no proof, i cannot call them out. Even though several things are pointing to what I believe. I just have to grin and bear it. I am not good at grinning and bearing it. I am not good at faking it. I know i should. I know people do not want to hear the truth. I like the truth. That way you know where you stand. No guessing, no wondering. Just the truth. "I like you but I do not want to date you" "You are really annoying me right now" "You are a fabulous person" " you make me smile" "you are a funny good hearted person" The truth doesn't have to be bad. Tell people when you think they are great.

I had to remind myself not to let others affect my mood. That is a hard. Your instincts tell you to react. To defend. I am not a retreated. I am a fighter. I work hard at letting go and just standing ground. There is a fine line. Some days I win the fight with myself and some days I lose.

I am at the year mark of my living a healthy lifestyle. WOW a year. seems like it is a million years. I look at pictures and my face is so fat. Now I am lean. I feel good. I have energy. I have will power. I know I can push myself to be better and succeed. I am a motivator and mentor and inspiration. I can do it, anyone can. You just have to be willing to work for it. To want it. To push yourself. Everyday I work out. Every day I count calories and struggle with "French fries or fruit?"

Push yourself. Never settle! You are stronger than you realize!