Day 46

Do you ever look at yourself.. know you need to change something about you. But find it is easier said than done? I do like my job. I do not like dealing with lots of issues, and being yelled at all the time. Which is what is happening at the moment in my job. I have a tendency to scream "URGH I HATE BLANK" most of the time that is all that is needed. Sometimes I elaborate ( I must stop this immediately) I have already stopped that in my life. I no longer go into long details about what is happening, I no longer explain why i had a bad day to people, because it only makes me negative and angry. I am trying to do the same with work. It is hard sometimes not to share why i think someone is not so bright. I need to STOP that being my first reaction. I need to stop, breathe then react. I know this. It is simple, basic stress relief 101. Why is it so difficult for me to implement. Why can I not be that happy sunshine Mary Poppins I am at 5pm-8:30am? I just want my happy side to show through always. I never want to be known as that girl who is angry. And because I have a small portion of me that does get angry and want to vent. I am becoming known as that. I must do better. I must try harder. I must get that back. I can do it right? Positive thinking wins out in the end right? I am pretty awesome. I am looking great, feeling great. So why does that not show through at work? My theory is I like to see end results. In my position I never can see an end. There is always another complaint, another email change, another email, another screaming client due to their disorganization. It seems to be getting that way in the office also, which does not help me. My stress comes from disorganization and wasting time. All of which I deal with between 8:30-5 every day. So moral of my story..

I need to buck up.
I need to smile more
I need to let the stress melt off my back
I need to keep my mouth shut

Wish me luck!

Sincerely,
Happy Sunny Mary Poppins

Day 45

I am a hot mess. Some days I wonder why anyone would like me. Do you have that type of day? Where nothing seems to go right. People seem irritated with my mere presence. I say the wrong thing or in the wrong tone. I get told one thing.. then of course that was incorrect. People ask the silliest questions and no one is thankful for anything done for them. everything is so disorganized that I cannot keep everything straight. All I want to do is cry. But big girls do not cry. hahaha Right. If I am quiet people ask what is wrong, if i talk they do not like what i have to say. I feel as though I am damned if I do.. damned if I don't. But I do not have anyone to come home to that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Some days I miss that. I miss having that person to hold and tell me it will be ok without having to even say anything. Those strong hands and encompassing hug that made me feel safe and secure and loved. I do not miss that person who was there but I miss what he represented and I feel the lack of not having that person there. But I will put on my brave front and move forward since I am the only person i can depend on.

Breathe in .. and out.. in and out. I started off today so good. I got up and worked out 2 work outs.. i am super woman. I felt strong, I made it to work on time. Then my day began and I opened my mouth and all my insecurities came flooding in. Breathe in.. and out

Breathing helped :)

Day 44

Day 44

Wow my attitude has gone from YAY to boo to YAY over and over again.. I must learn to balance the "all good" attitude . I try.. I grasp it, then it slips away, only for me to grab it again. Somedays I wonder about me. I have the best friends.. a friend brought me a brand new coach purse and wallet just because he promised it years ago. It helps, his wife works for coach and they get them cheap but still I am so super stoked a $300 purse for free. It is very pretty. So now i own 3 coach purses 2 of which Mr. D gave me. I love it! Who says being nice doesn't pay off?

I am going to be working extra hard on the " It is all good" attitude. I am going to try to smile and grin and bear it. I will try not to yell at my computer and call people dumbasses. I will try to live by my positive thought of the day ALL day long.. no matter how hard it is. Because I AM the MASTER of my emotions I WILL NOT let others control me. I LOVE ME.. and they should love me or they can go away. I am ok with that. I am not every ones cup of tea and I am well aware of this.

OOH and A gave me 2 cute dresses from China one makes my butt looks super super cute! YAY Me and my FABULOUS friends!!!

Day 43

Wow what a weekend. Action packed, lots of laughs and tons of memories.

First was the 1st JLJ River City Hunt. A huge scavenger hunt like the Amazing race... soooo much fun. A and I paired up with AM and P and we laughed as we figure out clues, took pics with strangers, did yoga on a nasty floor and caught popcorn in my mouth. ( I am a pro at that) running over the bridge with the wind blow so hard the helicopter in the air was doing the moon walk.








Then dinner at Cashbah then we got ready for Mavericks

Only to fall asleep on the couch

But I did get the video of CK's knock out.. 38 seconds.. I am so effing proud of him
CK FIght

Then sunday brunch with Papi, lots of laughing... and bed before 8. I know sad but oh so nice

Day 42

Day 42

Today is all about food. I love food. I know you cannot tell by looking at me. But i do love it! I love experimenting with new flavors. I love seeing a variety of colors in my food. I love eating and cooking it. I love to entertain. It makes me happy to feed others. I know I know I am a food pusher and the worst kind. I say no a lot to food and always insist that others eat. But eating is not what makes me happy, well it does sometimes when the food melts in your mouth. When you just want to bathe in the taste, because it makes you feel so good inside. MMMM yes food can do that. The smell of something delicious cooking can make all your worries fade away. Plus seeing people happy from eating the masterpiece that i made. Makes all the work worth it. There is nothing more satisfying to me, than making a meal and having everyone want seconds or cleaning their plates.

What is my favorite food? Well that is wayyyyyyy to difficult to narrow down as it really depends on my mood but will try to narrow it down to a top choice list.

My top 5 fave foods are (no specific order, that would be too hard of a decision to make):

Sushi

My Baked Mac and Cheese (and subsequent day Fried Mac and Cheese) yes it counts as one, please stop judging :)

Hush Puppies oh yeah baby

Spinach (anyway and everyway you can make it)
Quesadillas (really any mexican)

Hmm i am second guessing myself just looking this over. I am missing cornbread (my cast iron skillet cornbread), black bean salad, edamame salad, rice and soy beans, French fries, onion rings, grilled cheese..mmmmmmmmmmmmm the list goes on and on.

ok i need to stop blogging and eat :)

Have a nice day!

Day 41

Day 41 -

I had the best weekend. Went to a BEAUTIFUL wedding Friday Night. Kudos to my friend who is not only beautiful but smart too. Friday 5:30 wedding out of town from ALL guests = same amount invited, but only a few attended. It was the smartest thing ever! And the next day.. did a still somewhat risqué trash the dress photo shoot. Some haters did not think these pics are appropriate and some guys were mortified that she would just trash this dress. Now I think it is a FABULOUS idea as I am never going to wear it again and well is a daughter really going to wear my dress? NO.. the style will be different or it will not fit. And it made for some GORGEOUS photos.







The wedding was small, but beautifully set up with navy and turquoise colors. Plus I got to hang out with some pretty funny people, smell the salt air, and be apart of something that was magical. It was a perfect night for a wedding and well worth the drive.






The old IMS crew(oh yeah baby) ,T E, W and I. We are pretty awesome!

Day 40

Day 40 - I have the BEST friends! One of my besties KW makes me happy daily. She is soo close to me in personality, when we met, we knew we would either love love love each other or hate hate hate each other.. luckily for both of us, we LOVE each other. 3.5 years later, she is still my go to girl who I talk to multiple times a day. If I need an attitude check.. she is the girl i go too. If I need advice on how to handle something.. you guessed it.. she is the girl. Why wouldn't I? She thinks like me so she understands where i am coming from and can help guide me in a rational me state.. when I may not be so rational. She is one person I hope I never lose contact with. Not sure how i would get through my days :) Even when we spend a week non stop together we still love each other and do not fight.. it is a FABULOUS friendship even if I only see her like once a year in person. Plus we both are super awesome.. who does not love awesome friends :) and yes I am smiling a lot but I like to smile so you smile and LOL haters.. get over yourselves.. maybe you should try to smile more and the LOL's and :) (smiles) won't irritate you as bad.

As I get older I only surround myself with with good people. I still have those "party" friends who are always willing to go out and have a good time. But those are not the ones that know my personal business. they know an overview but not the nitty gritty details. And why would I? most of these girls have no issues telling others my business.. which is rude.. right? At least I think it is. But i guess if others need to talk about me, then I am an important part of their life :)

I hope whoever reads this has a fabulous day and at least got a giggle out of my random thoughts.

Day 39

Day 39

My interest is wavering in CK which is good.. friends only.. that is good right? I mean I love his personality and would love someone who has one like that, so is that what i am interested in or is it him.. that has been my dilemma. Plus he is HOT and that helps in keeping me interested. But realistically he is not in such a great place and needs to focus on him.

Me?? I am in a FABULOUS place and would love to keep it that way. Is it sad that I am happier alone than in a relationship? Maybe I will be the forever bachelorette? Do what i want, when i want... does not sound so bad. Who needs kids anyway :)

Day 38

Day 38

CK finally FINALLY made it to the house. We had a good day.. I was going to be going to the Blues Fest but CK called to see if I wanted to watch an old friends daughter play softball.. "well of course" So I met him up there. We had soo much fun. I laughed bc he shaved before he got there (head, arms, chest etc) and I said "well I was told if a boy showered and cut his hair before he saw a girl. it means he likes her" he said " well i did both" So we leave softball he goes to his boys night.. then calls and came by o his way home.. I cooked a little dinner.. we had fun. Still just friends that flirt A LOT but friends none the less. I just am so comfy around him and I want to be a better person. At the same time I feel like I am completely myself around him. I want slut baby phase to end..

ooh i did get a good pic of the boys today... i have not had a pic with these two together since middle school


It was nice to reminisce with these two.. they make me giggle a lot :)

Ok I am tired.. time to go dream some sexy dreams.. as I am sure I will have some

Day 37

Day 37

April Fool's... it is Grumpy's birthday and he is very grumpy this week and I would be too if I were him. But I am not.. so I am happy happy happy.

I LOVE having a crush that is just a crush and nothing more. The banter back and forth is just enough to keep my self esteem high. Which is always a plus. And I am back in my Skinny jeans whoo hooo hoooooooooo 34 pounds down.. and yes I know I am that girl. That girl who is obsessed now. But I have not felt this HOT since college. I feel good, I look good and am just over all in a GREAT place. I have the best friends and support system and a HOT HOT HOT boy who is crushing on me.. like i am crushing on him.. really what more could i ask for.. well i could think of a few things.. but for now I am very content with just enjoying this part of my life and who I am. What may happen will. Minus well enjoy the roller coaster ride for awhile :)

Plus I got to see a good friend at lunch.. Adore that guy! So really live is well good.. I hope yours is good too! It feels good to be happy and in a good place. so anyone wanting to hate.. go for it.. you will not rain on my parade :)