Day 169 - 2012 Growing pains

With moving in with anyone there are growing pains.  Everyone has a certain way they do things and it is hard to change, when you have a good routine going.  It is especially hard when someone moves in that has not been paying the bills (ie electric) in with someone who has lived on their own for a long time.  They forget that keeping tv's on or lights on cost money.  Growing pains  But even with little annoyances, you have to look at the bigger picture.  With a roommate it is, usually a friend so you do not want to lose the friendship over silly annoyances.  With moving in with a loved one, you definitely do not want to lose them over those little annoyances.   So you air your grievance and move on.  You pick your battles and move on.  I chose not putting on a new roll of toilet paper over not making the bed.   Some people just do not make their bed. I however love a made bed.  I love walking into a room and seeing the room nice and tidy.  It makes me happy.  

Growing pains are tough, but part of life. I am just thankful to be going through growing pains with someone like B.  I love having him around.  Even when he is frustrating.   Cheers to growing pains and working through them!

Day 168- 2012 Big weekend

Big big weekend!  Work today, JLJ then babysitting.  Then tomorrow is the big day!  B is moving to Jax!  WHOO HOO HOOOOOOOOOOO.  He is excited and nervous. I am just excited!  So ready for our life to begin together~

Can I make it through the next 24 hours without bursting?????????

Day 167 - 2012 Tension

Wow today is filled with tension.  Crazy, you can cut it with a knife.  The old me would have taken it personally.  But I cannot be responsible for others unhappiness.  I can only worry about me and making sure I am in a good place.   These past few weeks have been really trying. I have had to deal with Goober acting like a complete waste of space by ignoring the fact he is making me pay his loan and will not respond to any of my communication attempts.. can we say 5 year old?  That makes most people soooo angry and the old me would have let him get to me. Not this me.. this me is rising above, squashing the anger before it hits the surface. Anger for me is not a good or healthy emotion.  Some people thrive off of it.  It makes me a person I do not want to be. It is like a bad drug.  If I let it surface, it is hard to keep it away. I want to feed it, so it is best for me to squash it, before that happens.  Hey at least I realize it. No one is perfect, and I at least know most of my faults.   Got to look within for change!


I have had to deal with my own team mates not happy that I finally got promoted after 4.5 years or maybe they are just unhappy in general.  Either way, so sorry I have gone up and beyond my job description for all of these years and just not finally got recognized for it.. oh wait.. no I am not sorry. I have worked my butt off for this, so all the tension and dirty looks in the world are not taking this happy feeling away from me.  That is not my problem, but theirs. I have waited patiently, I have continued to keep my head down and work hard.  I had too make up for my horrible attitude during the Goober breakup.  I have well made up for it and proven I can change my attitude and out look on life. Change happens from within and I have done that!

I can let others effect me or I can move forward.  I can look back on who I was and dwell on my past or  I can look back and see how far I come and  be proud of who I am now.  I am proud of me.  I have made lots of changes for the better and love where I am in life. I will not let the tension of others bring me down. I will keep being happy and hopefully my happiness will rub off on others. I can only hope it will happen.  I just know that I did not chase down my happiness.  I worked hard to make changes in me and  because of those changes happiness found me.  I like being happy. I am not willing to give that up!

Day 166-2012. Fighting

Oy. Love it when a day starts off with a, misunderstanding that turns into a fight. But really it's a one sided fight. One person is upset over something and then takes something else the wrong way and focuses their frustration on that. I am not biting. Fight with yourself. I apologized and am done. Now I am giggling and feeling bad that  I cannot help him. Change makes people a little crazy even the most even killed person. And well there is a lot of change happening in his life right now.  I respect that and did not take the bait to enter the fight.

Now just a few short hours later, he was back to himself and the disagreement was over.  Even with these moments, there is no one else I would rather, fight with .  He is such an outstanding human being I will take and appreciate him good and bad.  Fights are not always a bad thing. Sometimes someone else just needs to be heard and appreciated (or given space.. whichever).  I am thankful regardless for someone like B.  

Everyone needs something or someone they are thankful for!  I am definitely thankful for B!!!!!

Day 165 - 2012 Excitement

So many good things happening.  I can barely contain my excitement.  The love will be here this weekend for good :)  That makes me super super happy, and a little nervous.  But good nervous.  It is nice to plan something with someone and watch it happen.  Be on the same page and just be excited about each other. I cannot even wait for the arguments.  LOL should be fun!

Promotion at work, even though it took 4.5 years is exciting.  Glad to be moving towards more graphic design and html creations.  I love being creative so this is right up my alley!   Hard work pays off!  It does it does.

My house is starting to come together!  The dining room has 4 blue walls.  I just need to finish the trim. I do love the colors. Colors make me happy. De-cluttering is still ongoing, but the house is looking so much better as I go.  Need to tackle the kitchen, though afraid of what I may find in those deep dark corners of those cabinets that have not been looked at in years. (another reason to go through and throw out things).  I am loving this new organized me.  Makes me feel good.  I have a new rug for the kitchen that makes the kitchen looks super pretty and new lampshades for the bedside lamps.  Love love love the way the house is looking.


So even though life throws in curve balls, like making me pay for my exes student loan that I stupidly co-signed on, life is good.  I will not let him dictate my mood or behavior.  I feel sorry for him.  I cannot imagine being 30 years old and having nothing to show for myself.  I bought my first house when i was 30 and he does not have a pot to piss in.  Sad very sad.   But a win for me not letting him get to me.

Lots of exciting things happening. Loving all that is happening and hope to keep this momentum going.  Should not be too hard with having my best friend living with me.  I feel like I have waited a lifetime for him and I kind of have!

Yay for exciting things!

Day 164-2012 Bestie kind of day

True friendship is amazing. I had the pleasure of spending today with one of fave besties. Simple day; coffee at the house, beach, lunch and shopping. With lots of laughs. It never matters what we do we have fun. S. supports me no matter what and is always there for me. I absolutely love her and am so thankful she is in my life. She even told me that if I could not have kids she would be my surrogate. Such love and kindness! I am a lucky gal to have such amazing friends in my life! So thankful for a fun relaxing amazingly perfect day! Now off to play with my little lovie!

Day 163- 2012 Hard work pays off

I am a big believer that I should work and work hard.  Work is not always fun, but it is what it is.  I can make the most of it or be miserable.  They pay me to work, which is why it is work.  I have been working my tail off to help out our graphics team.  I have taught myself (with the help of my friend J) to read and write html and xhtml, as well as become more proficient in photoshop.   All of this hard work as paid off.  I was promoted , no title change, butttt a raise a good one. Plus I will get my normal merit increase.  I am super excited for this opportunity and cannot wait to see where it takes me!

Hard work pays off.  Do not let anyone tell you differently!

Day 162 - 2012 Letting go of anger

Letting go of anger is hard to do.  I struggle with this with one particular person in my life.  He is not a nice person.  I am glad i went through the relationship as I would not be the person I am today with out have gone through what i did, however I wish that time had been much shorter and I would have done a  few things different. He still daily tries to make me upset by not paying a bill he should which forces me to come up with the money.  Not nice at all.   He is such a winner that he is in the hills of Cali growing illegal things.  I dodged a bullet there that is for sure.  I am proud of myself as I am able to keep the boiling of anger from rising to the surface.  I start to feel it and I remind myself that he is miserable in his life and I am not going to let him effect mine.  Knowing him makes me more thankful of B every day (OOOOHHH yeah B got transferred  so we will be back in the same city very soon).  I realize that my ex has no ambition, yet he wants money.  He would rather take an easy way out by lying and scheming than working hard.  He knows that others will pick up the slack for him (ie. i will pay his loan as i do not want my credit ruined).  I feel sadness when I think of him.  I feel sadness for the life he has wasted, the lives of others he has wasted, the way he treats his family, i could go on and on.  A complete waste of space.   I am sure someone out there things the world of him, I think he is an idiot.  He wastes chances to be someone. To be a good person, to treat others nicely.  He ruins friendships and really anything he touches.  It is sad to see someone who is just so lethargic to life.  I could very easily be angry at him. Angry of the fact he has pushed me past limits I did not know I have.  He  has pushed me to darkness that I did not know existed. He continues to push my buttons by lying instead of telling the truth.  Lies are one thing I cannot handle. I can handle anything you can throw at me, as long as it is the truth.  The lies are what get the anger boiling.  I have to remember, this is all he knows.  He has always lied to his parents, friends and even himself.  He is his own worst enemy.  I cannot let him have any hold over me.  I am happy to bother him constantly to try to make him pay his loan, but I will not let him make me angry.  I will not let him get to me like that. Anger is a bad emotion that eats away at you.  If you can let it go you free yourself to be so much more than you could have ever imagined while you held on to that anger. I know this is easier said than done.. Trust me I do.  But if I can do this, anyone can. The people you are angry at, will continue to control you if you hold on to that anger.  They are miserable with themselves and made crappy choices.  Let them own their choices and wallow in their self pity.  Do not let them drag you down like an anchor. Rise above it and show them that they cannot get to you. I almost let goober get to me.. almost.. it came, it rose, but i squashed it down like a bug.  I am happy as can be and he is not going to ruin anymore of my life.  He was a hard lesson to learn but I learned it.  Let go of your anger and I promise you will feel so much lighter and freer!

Day 161 - 2012 New skill

I am super proud of myself.  I have taught myself html.  Now some of you are like, 'who cares?' I do.. that is who.  My job has a lot of graphics aspect one of which is creating emails to send which are entirely in html.  I have had to rely on the graphics team to do this.  Not any more. I have been able to teach myself and only rely on the graphics team when I cannot figure something out.  Super excited for my new skill.  You truly can do anything you set your mind too!  You just have to try!

Day 160 - 2012 Purging

That statement is so freaking true. I have been working on purging people that bring nothing but negativity and drama to my life.  If they only take and never give, I do not need them.  I could not have said the above better myself!  Love it!  Once I started purging, I became so much happier. I did not carry around other peoples drama and misery.  Such a freeing feeling!

Enjoy purging!

Day 159 - 2012 Binging and friends.

I realized about 2 years ago that I was a binger.  I will binge on almost anything. I will get fixated on something and I cannot get enough. Whether that be ramen noodles or drinking.   Now eating ramen everyday is not the best for me but much better than drinking alcohol daily.  What started out as drinking socially with friends (after college, during college I binged drank daily.. not good) but after college I would only drink socially but it always was with the intention of getting drunk (mostly anyways).  As good of an idea as I thought it was at the time, the next day (or two) were never fun.  I would be sick, have to have people fill me in on my behavior.  Never a fun thing to experience.  I put myself it harms way multiple times and am not really sure how I managed not to be seriously injured or die. Over the past couple of years I have had to look at me and my actions hard and without filters.  Not a fun thing to do.  I realize I have a very addictive personality.  I latch on to something until I find something else to move on too.  At the moment it is working out and living healthy, not such a bad addiction, as long as I do not let it go to the extreme.  Even alcohol is not bad as long as you do not go to the extreme.  However with me, if I go past one drink, then the drinks come easier, because of my addiction. I forget what could happen and just live in the moment.  Though I do not drink daily I still consider myself a binge drinker which is a form of alcoholism.  So when friends do not support me in not drinking or dismiss it like a phase, it hurts.  It takes a lot of will power to go out with friends who are all drinking and having fun and not partake.  The rational side  of me says, "you are saving money, you can drive home, you will not regrets any actions." The irrational side, is slightly jealous and just wants to be carefree again, regardless of the consequence.  I have to walk a fine balance between the two sides.  I have learned over the past couple of years who my real friends are.  My real friends support me in this decision not to drink. They do not pressure me or make me feel bad when I do not drink.   I have also realized the people who are offended by this are usually the ones who know they have an issue but do not want to admit it.  I had one person actually say: "how do you have fun?"  Well funny I do not need anything to have fun. I crack myself up all day. It is quite nice to remember all of my fun, instead of just assuming I had fun. I no longer wake up and think, " why did I make out with that guy? or Did I really do that?"  No, I know wake up and can tell all of  my friends what they did and how they acted.  I am so thankful for my friends over the years who have kept me safe and who put up with me in not so nice ways.  I am thankful I woke up from my binge drinking coma which kept me in some not so great relationships. I am thankful I realized I had an issue and even though I received a lot of flack  and a lot of, "OMG you quit drinking.. no way.. really?" that I still managed to go a year without any.   I am thankful that each day is a new day and that even if I slip up, tomorrow is a new day to become a better me.

Day 158 -2012. Painting day

Yesterday was my outdoor work day today was my indoor work day. Today after my work out, I painted until I was out of paint. Which was a little over two of my dining room walls. But enough to make me happy. I may get paint tomorrow and finish the walls then work on the trim next. Super excited for how productive I was this weekend.

Then I cooked a gourmet spinach mushroom quesadilla then baked brownies. I was a domestic goddess today. Even cleaned the house and did more laundry. A goddesses work is never done!

This weekend was a very fabulous weekend!

Day 157- 2012 Girl Power

Let me start by saying, I am not the yard kinda girl. I started this week with a yard full of fines and weeds.

By today I weeded the majority of the vines in my yard and can see under the picnic table. I am exhausted but so proud that I did it on my own!!!
Yay to girl power!!

Before pic:

After pics:

Day 156 - 2012 Frenemies

BWHAHAHA, so I saw this and had to use it today.  Lately I have watched people are are supposedly Best friends, talk about each other behind the others back, throw each other under the bus, the list goes on.  I am smart enough to know, if you will do this to someone who is your best friend, then you will definitely do it to me.  I try to sit back and just watch the train wreck happen.  

These same people swear they see life as a half glass full, when in reality they are the half glass empty people.  Now I have my days and everyone knows, I had my 6 months to a year where I was a miserable person to be around.  I kept to myself because I knew I was miserable. I did not pretend to be happy. I was miserable and did not care who knew. I see myself in them, when I was that person.  I see how I brewed negativity.  I made others miserable with my presence.  (hard to admit that one).  But then the time came when my eyes opened and I realized what I had become.  Someone that I did not recognize. Someone who I would not want to be friends with.  I started on this get myself right conquest. 

I thankfully pulled myself out of it  I quit drinking, started working out, and wow did those happy endorphins kick in.  Then I realized that when I vented, it made things worse for me. I relieved the moment over and over and got more angry.  So I had to learn to not share as much, as sharing does not work well for me.  Some friends were proud of me, others did not understand these changes and some down right hated them.   I had friends that stuck by me and some who turned to frenemies.  You know the ones, those who are polite to you, but never let go of who you were in the past and just proceed to talk about you and put you down to others. They think that they are clever and they do fly under the radar for some people.  But I see through them.  I sit, I watch, I wait, I am Switzerland.  I give them no reason to talk about me (though they find reasons).  I am happy and will not let their attitude or perception get me down. I have worked hard to be the person I am.  It is not easy to not let others effect you.  Some days I fail, but oh most days I win.   Plus I look pretty with a smile.  I am thankful oh so thankful to my real friends. They are so full of love and understanding.  They never gave up on me even when I had.  I am also thankful for my frenemies, for they made me treasure my real friends even more and made me realize that quality over quantity is what matters.  

Treasure those real friends, and do not let the frenemies get to you.  

Day 155 - 2012 - 7 Lovely Logics

I woke up this morning to being tagged in this pic below (7 lovely logics) since it made my dear friend think of me and how I do try to stay positive and send out happy thoughts.  (I try.. I fail some days but I try everyday) . I loved this so much I figured, 'why not blog about it?':

#1  What happened, happened.  We do not have time traveling machines, to change things.  And really do you really really want to change things?  Yes I know that some days you wish you could zap away certain people and memories from your life.  (TRUST ME I KNOW THIS) however, those people and memories helped make up who you are today. I would love to be at the place I am now, in my 20's but I had to go through ALL that I went through to be the person I am today.  So do not regret, just learn from your mistakes and make them not happen again. Otherwise you will never enjoy what lies ahead. You must let go to move forward.

#2  Who cares what someone else thinks.  There will ALWAYS be naysayers and haters. Let them hate.  let them talk crap about you.  It only makes them look STUPID! They do not know what you have been through. They are not in your shoes.  Everyone goes through bad spots and life.  Do not let people who cannot forget who you were and not see who you have become, keep you down by letting them get to you when they try to remind you of who you were.  Just know that you are not that person anymore and it is their loss for not recognizing that!!! BELIEVE IN YOU!  Remember haters are like crickets.. they chirp all day until you walk up on them, then they get really quiet.

#3  Time does heal things.  The further away from the hurt, the less it hurts.  The more you remember the good and let go of the bad.  Time does make all the difference in the world.  Time not only heals hurts, but sometimes brings you back things you lost at the RIGHT TIME in your life.

#4 Oh this is one that I wish I had learned YEARS ago.  Would have kept me from worry about #1 so much and would have made me realize #3 sooner.   NO ONE can make YOU happy but YOU.  If you depend on someone else or something else for your happiness.  You will be miserable over and over again .  I cannot say that enough times.  I hate seeing my friends happiness being based on a boy or an item.  You have to figure out what makes you happy.  You have to know how to pull yourself out of a funk and get back to a happy place.   I love that I can be in a bad mood, and pull MYSELF back to my happy place. It may take a day or two, but I am the one that does it.  My happiness is based on me and my life.  I love B, but he only extends my happiness, with how happy he is with himself.  I do not let his moods get me down.  I am in control of me and you are in control of YOU.  Do not depends on others for happiness.  Figure out how to get happy from within.  This will save you tons of heartache!

#5 Comparing yourself to others or wanting what the Jones have is like comparing apples to oranges. Everyone has lived a different life.  Sometimes what you love so much about someone else's life, is built on lies they have told you.  You are not present to see the inner workings of their life.  You have no idea what they did to get that new house or car.   Your life is COMPLETELY different then anyone else's. Every step you take is different, so do not waste your time worrying about what they have, you do not have, etc.  Worry is a misuse of your imagination.  Be thankful for who you are and where you are (see #4).

#6  Some people over think EVERYTHING.  Seriously, you do not have to know everything.  Somethings you will figure out at the exact time you need too.  Some tings, you just need to learn on your own and do not need others telling you how to do it or what it means.  Trust yourself.  If you are an over thinker, you wear yourself out. You replay things so many times in your head you do not know what is real or not real.  Sit back, breathe, and observe, listen, absorb.  The answers you need to know will come when they are supposed too. Plus you will annoy yourself and others with 50000 questions :)

#7 Smile... your smile is contagious.  I say, fake it until you make it. If you smile enough, it becomes who you are.  Smile through the pain. Smile because it makes you look pretty. Smile because you cannot change anyone but you.  Focus on you and the rest really does fall into place.  Smile to make someone else smile (that is my favorite, I love seeing someone light up because I smile at them).  Smile when you look in the mirror.  It will change your perspective on most things. Smiling and laughing are two very powerful tools that we have. Use them to help you become a better you!


Thanks for reading my nonsense and I hope everyone has an amazing day.   Do not forget to smile!

Day 154 -2012 girls night

I love babysitting the B girls. They make my day/night. There's nothing that helps a bad day other than seeing these girls. Their laughs make me smile their. Their silliness make you feel. The snuggles and all that love. Great ending to a Monday!!!!! Love my little lovies!!!!

Day 153 2012 - Love my Boys

Love that all my loves get along. I loved that B came in for a surprise visit. I love how much fun we always have, even talking about serious stuff. I love how he gets me and how I can be completely myself. No walls no secrets just open communication and complete trust. It's so refreshing to have a partner who wants to be my partner. I feel complete when he is here and my babies love him. It's sweet to see. Great great weekend. Cannot wait until he's always here . Great weekend. Filled with laughs and love!

Day 152 -2012 CPR for Cats and Dogs

CPR for Cats & Dogs

CPR for cats and dogs is similar to CPR for humans. These directions assume the animal is unconscious and the risk of being bitten by the animal is not present

1. Remove any obstruction.

Open animals mouth and make sure the air passage is clear. If not remove the object obstructing the air passage.

2. Extend the head and give several artificial respirations:

A. For large dogs: close the animal's jaw tightly and breathe into the nose. The animal's chest should rise. Give 2 breaths.B. For small dogs and cats you may be able to cover the nose and mouth with your mouth as you breathe. The animal's chest should rise. Give 2 breaths.

3. Next perform chest compression

A. For large dogs you may be able to position the dogs on its back and compress the chest just like for humans.B. For small dogs and cats as well as large dogs with funnel chests, you may need to lie the animal on its side and compress the side of the rib cage. Alternatively you can position the animal on its back and press on both sides of the rib cage.
C. The rate of chest compressions varies with the size of the animal


i. Dogs over 60 lbs: 60 compressions per minute
ii. Animals 11 to 60 lbs: 80-100 compressions per minute
iii. Animals 10 lbs or less: 120 compressions per minute

4. Alternate breaths with compressionsThe ratio of compressions to breaths should be approximately the same as for humans - 30:2 Continue doing this until the animal responds or begins to breathe on its own. 

Day 151 - 2012 Two Mondays and two Fridays

This week has been crazy with a Holiday in the middle of the week.  We have had two Mondays which is not so nice and two Fridays which is awesome.  Unless you are me and you wake up at 5:30 am thinking your alarm is going off incorrectly.  You shut it off and go back to sleep.  You wake up an hour later just to let the dogs out, and are about to crawl back into bed to sleep when it all clicks.  It is not Saturday.. oh no, it is Friday yet again :(  The highlight of my day/weekend is that friends from Atlanta will be stopping through to say hi and B is surprising me with a visit. YAY!

Day 150 2012 Never Co-sign

No matter how close you are with someone.  No matter if they are a child, relative, fiance, husband. If they cannot get a loan on their own NEVER co-sign with them, unless they are 17-18 and trying to get credit. But if they are over the age of say 21 DO NOT co-sign on a loan. If they are in college, there are tons of student loans they can get that are federally funded DO NOT cosign on a private loan.  These loan companies will approve anything, then hound you when the borrower is not even 30 days late.  78% of these loans that are taken out are paid for by the co-signer as the borrower usually defaults.   Learn your lesson from my very costly mistake that only is bringing me tons of headaches, as I am having to track down my lovely ex - fiance and badger him until he pays his loan.  Something a 30 year old should just do, but for him not so much.

Moral of today's post.. DO NOT CO-SIGN a loan EVER!!!

Hope that helps keep someone else from my headaches!

Day 149 - 2012 Surprises

So B surprised me this weekend and today again by mentioning he is seriously considering moving here with me.  This makes me beyond happy!  I am glad we are doing the long distance thing because it has helped our communication get very strong, but I do miss him terribly and just want to see him. I am selfish like that.  Apparently he is too.  He misses me and just wants us together.  Thankful to have someone in my life that I can depend on, who loves me and I love him and who wants to make a life together.  Someone who puts my needs as a priority and well me as a priority. Someone who has lost me once and does not want it to happen again.  I know I never want to lose him again. I have waited a life time for him and I to be ready for each other.   Now is that time and nothing will stop us from making this work. Not silly exes who cannot let go, not distance, nothing!.

Cannot wait to see where the next year takes us!  Excited for the surprises yet to come.  Makes me smile thinking of it and well really I have a pretty smile and should smile often!

Day 148- 2012 beach day

Today was an amazing day for the beach. I woke up early and got there before the humidity kicked in. The tide was going out so it was calm and the water temp was perfect. It was nice to be able to swim laps up and down the shore. Lay enjoying the sun, getting some vitamin D, reading a book and well just relaxing. Everyone deserves a day like this!