Infusion last friday and sickness

Hi everyone. Happy holidays! Hope you guys are well! 

Last friday was "Happy Herceptin day" or H day, as H reminds me of happy, which makes me smile! 

I was able to get  my self esteem fed from my sweet nurses who have exclaimed I looked pretty,  like a movie star!  And how nice my hair is looking. I  totally rocked my new hair and those ladies know how to make a girl smile!  Wish I could make them understand just how much they mean to me and how very thankful I am for them!   Now if I could get these pesky chin hairs to stop growing back and my eyelashes and eyebrows to grow back, that would make me super happy!

But, I am all smiles today as I think of how lucky I am to be winning this war!  It is war and even though my eyes get leaky thinking I have surgery in 1 week, YIKES, the boobs are trying to kill me so they.have.got.to.go! I am super scared and nervous, mainly for the recovery but  hoping for an easy and fast recovery!

I have been super sick since saturday, hoping to get better so we can do surgery!  worries me that it will linger. Here is to hoping, as i need this over with so my mind stops messing with me.  The emotional side to cancer is one most people never see. You see the physical, but the emotional, is hard. As a positive person, you want to stay positive, but by doing that, people do not see you are hurting so very much.  I can see the positive and still be in pain. I know why I have to do chemo and surgery but going through it, it hard. Physically you hurt, and emotionally you are drained. Takes a lot from your loved ones too. One day this will all be a bad memory.. ready for that day!

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!  Please tell those you love, how very much you love them!  I promise it will make you smile!

Have an amazing New Year!

Love 

Jamie 

#wegotthis #fightinglikeagirl

Perfect Timing

Just when I need it the most my bestie Sandy Lee, swoops in like a super hero and saves the day! Even if it was just for ONE night, seeing her, makes me so happy!  I love that she took 2 days of her christmas break, to drive over with her daughter who I have known since she was in her mamas belly, to see me and the kids!  We had so much fun at dinner and seeing lights and baby snuggles!  Just getting a hug from her makes everything better!  I miss her tons right now and am emotional but goodness my heart is happy from seeing her.  Just wish it could have been longer!  Seeing her daughter with my nieces, would warm anyone's heart. They were so cute and all held hands and loved to talk about their fave books!  I really wish we had more time as it was really fun to watch them. but with my kids melting down due to bedtime, it was time to go. But we got to see one of my besties from Tally which made me happy too! It was a night that I really, really needed!

Yay for friends who have perfect timing!

Love
Jamie
#fightinglikeagirl
#wegotthis

Emotional mess

I am an emotional mess today. I keep seeing pics of women after mastectomy's with the drains super low. I wasn't expecting that. To be honest this whole process is horrible for anyone who is a planner. You do not get the details yoiu need to be prepared. It is a wait and see game. Some drs tell their patients 6 weeks, mine is like 2. I told my boss 4 to make sure I am covered. I am not good with being told what to do anyway, so this process is really hard. I cannot stop crying. My husband wants to be supportive, but he has no idea how to be. He just says "I know"with a look like 'i get it already stop crying' but i cannot. A part of me, two parts of me are going bye bye. I have no say. I do not mind the boobs as much as the lymph nodes. That part freaks me out!  The emotions hit like waves. At least i have the sweet babies to keep me smiling and keep me on my toes. JB has been so stinking sweet with his hugs and kisses and "i'm sorry mama"  " i love you mama"   sweetest sounds ever!

Happiness is a choice.. sometimes we forget that

I was just introduced to this guy who makes me laugh while teaching me: https://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work#t-213640

Take the time to check it out if you have not.  It will totally help shift your perspective so you are seeing positives instead of negatives. This came on a day that i needed to see and hear this!  So many times we focus on the negative of things: ie;  some people with cancer die, instead of, some people with cancer live; my husband didn't do XYZ, instead of my husband has been working a ton/spending time with us; My work queue is full ugh, instead of My work queue is full, today is going to fly by.

It takes awhile to build up the habit of flipping that switch automatically and sometimes you can slide back into your old ways.  I did this morning. I could not see the positive to save me. I can see them again thanks to a sweet friend sending me that link, not even realizing I needed that today!

Happiness is a choice, each day I make tons of decisions, one of them is to be happy or sad/mad/frustrated, it is a choice, i have to think about some days really hard, and others it comes naturally, but it is still a choice!  Choose the positive, choose the happiness, choose to smile and laugh!  Make that choice and be a better version of you!

Love
Jamie
#fightinglikeagirl
#wegotthis

Crazy TCHP after effects

It has been 9 weeks since my last TCHP cocktail.   Since Herceptin is targeted therapy, it only targets the HER2 in my body, which makes my side effects very little. What is crazy is the after effects i am getting from the TCHP cocktail.  My nails are NASTY!  they are dead  but still on my body, so they are very very brittle, yellow, just over all dingy looking. So over these. I almost want to go get fake ones to leave on until my nails come back.  That and  a pedicure with a dark color, as my toenails are just as bad. Tummy is still blah and my weight will not drop no matter how good i eat or how much i work out. But I have been working out :D   I still have sores all in my nose and am ready to have my nose hairs back.  My chin hair is back in full force, and my regular hair is coming in nicely and soooooo soft!  I mean so soft! it is like rubbing a baby chick or any soft furry baby animal, as I really do not know the last time i petted a baby chick, so i could have totally made something up right there.

Sorry, i digress. My hair is coming in great!  The Herceptin makes me super super tired. Like 2nd and  9 month pregnancy tired.  I just want to sleep all the time and I can't!  I have gotten my room ready for surgery.  Little bit should start coming off the bed the right way soon. Now he is close to the ground so his damage from a fall should be at a minimum now. I have someone coming to get baby stuff.. :( WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA No more babies for me, which makes me sad.

I know I am overdoing it at the moment, just like I did when i was pregnant,  but I really want things in order so i can relax and focus on getting through post op with the kids.   That part makes me sad. They unknowns.  I love how they both curl up with me at night but after surgery is going to be hard :(  Hoping I heal quickly so I can get back to snuggling my fave two little guys!

Oh and i lost most of my eyebrows and eyelashes, that has been rough. i was more sad over those than my hair.  I do NOT look like myself without makeup now. Every morning, I wake up and shower so I can put on my eyebrows. I put on eyeliner so i look like I have eyes. Who knew no lashes or few lashes made you look so ehhhhh.. I miss my thick long lashes. I now understand why women want longer fuller lashes.  

I am also super sore. Achy all over like the flu. Not sure if I am coming down with something or if I am having side effects from Herceptin. B and CB both are sick, JB and I are a little run down but not sick yet.  I have a feeling JB will be the last man standing. But anyway, achy. Even my bones ache.  JB has been helping me stretch every day.  Sweet pumpkin.

I am very thankful the side effects of Herceptin are minimum. This stuff is amazing!

Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!
Love
Jamie
#fightinglikeagirl
#wegotthis

Somedays you need a day

Somedays you just need a day. a day to cry, a day to rest, whatever your need is, some days you just need it.  Thurs was Thanksgiving and my eldests 3rd birthday. I did too much!  We walked the turkey trot, and then i fought him for nap, to then frost his cake i had baked, then cooked some dishes then hosted thanksgiving. I was one tired mama!  I had planned for Friday to be lowkey.  It was for the most part. Little bit and I hung out in bed most of the day, while Daddy went off playing and Big brother was with grandma. I needed about 7 of those kinds of days.

Monday hit and I heard the news of a friend passing from Pancreatic cancer. That hit me hard. She was an amazing person. Then today, little Kate passed away from cancer. I am heart broken for her parents and siblings.

 It seems cancer is everywhere. It is invading every day talk. You mention cancer and no one is surprised anymore, and you still get the sad death sentence face. Treatments are a little better, but still not better. There are not choices unless you fight for them. You are told you will do xyz and not really given the reasons behind it. You have to research on your own, which leads to more questions and am i doing the right thing. Chemo was hard but doable.  This surgery scares the bejesus out of me. Mainly on how it will effect my kids. so much has been taken from them in the last 6 months. I hate taking anymore from them. Especially when there is not solid data. All I know is Herceptin is working. I would rather stay on this the rest of my life every 3 weeks, than have my mastectomy at this time. I would rather wait until the kids are older. Surgery with two small kids, doesn't sound fun at all. In a month, I will find out. That makes me sad. Monday was my day to cry. I cried almost all day!  My Sweet Dani let me cry on her shoulder. it was rough. Thinking about it makes me tear up.   I needed that day. I needed to cry. I still am freaking out but am working through it. That is good.  Moving forward is good. But I know some days i am just going to need a day and those days, it is okay and i will take said day!

Thanks for reading my babble!

Have a great one!
#fightinglikeagirl
#wegotthis