I have cancer

I'm 39, have been breast feeding for 2.5 years, am currently breast feeding my toddler (2.5) and my newborn (7 weeks), my mom breast fed me, I eat organic, work out, and was just diagnosed with breast cancer which started while I was pregnant. Crazy right?  To say the words "I have breast cancer" and to know that I am in the rarest of all groups to have breast cancer, boggles my mind. It's so surreal. It's never words you ever think you will have to utter in your lifetime.  But here I sit writing this post about me having breast cancer. 

I finally started a private support group which reminds me that I'm not alone, am so loved by so many and am totally going to rock this.  I may start a separate blog just about my journey which means this one will be more neglected than ever :-)

Today I go for an MRI hoping it's still contained to the left breast but at least we will know what we are dealing with!

At the moment I'm curled in bed with my sweet 7 and a half week old on my chest. I should be sleeping too but I do love staring at him! 

Send positive thoughts that I will #kickcancersbutt and keeping #fightinglikeagirl

Complaining

Once upon a time I did the no complaining for 21 day challenge and it changed my life. It was amazing to see the world in a different life.  

Over the years, since that challenge and me looking at the positive instead of the negative (as well as dwelling on negative) I've gained a husband and kids.  Well with those additions comes with sometimes it is really hard not to vent. Now I'm good about only venting to one person but still I hate it when I do it and it only makes me more frustrated if I can't change what I'm upset about.  

Lately I've felt very under-appreciated, which in return makes me look and dwell on those negative traits. It's been a real challenge to stay positive when I just want to throw in the towel. I keep remembering a blog post I once read that stated, "not to get divorced when the kids are little". The reasoning was because you are sleep deprived and not funcfuoning on all cylinders.  I get it.  I do. I really do.  Plus I don't want to lose my kids.  They are my everything. They are my reasoning for crying when I think I'm being too negative or hard on myself/husband. They are my reasoning to look at the positive on things I cannot control and to believe it will all work out.   They are why I wipe the tears and put on a brave face. They are why I start out every week with the no complaining challenge.  Each week I make it a little longer without a complaint. I am not sure I will ever make it every day from now on without one. But one can hope that eventually I will automatically change that negative thought into a positive one before it ever hits my mouth or brain for that matter. 

A shout out to all of you that are able to live complaint free!  It's not easy so you rock!!

M