Day 91

"Want to be someone else? Today is your perfect chance. Be who you want to be, today.. it is Halloween after all :)"

I love today. Today, you can be anyone you want. You can be yourself or someone entirely different. (Like my friend's husband who dressed as a Geisha). I am a little Indian :)

My mom made this costume for her back when I was in preschool. Today I proudly wear it with FSU beading from my Grandma Sue who went to FSU back when it was a woman's college. I love that I get to wear a little bit of both of them today. Makes me smile :) Plus I have these cute red boots to wear when I am outside. I keep saying I scalped a cow girl for them. Maybe someone will play Cowboys and Indians with me later.. hehehe I do so love Halloween! Who are you today???

day 90

Ok so I forgot to come on and post my thought for the day yesterday. So here it is" "Dream big.. as sometimes.. dreams come true!"

I am still holding out for this one, but I do believe that this happens. I dreamed I would own a house, and I did. So maybe, I should create a vision board and put all the things i want on it. If I can envision it, then it may make my dreams easier to catch. What dreams do you want to come true??

Day 89

"Believe in yourself. Do NOT allow anyone to disrespect you or make you feel less than you know you are! If they do, they are not worthy of having you in their life!"

Where were these words 2 years ago. My life would be so different, though I would not be the same person. I think I needed to feel someone disrespect me so that i understand what it feels like and ensure I do not do it to others. I have been reminded lately, that I have been a little bratty. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in you, that you do not see that you might not be treating others as you would like to be treated. And i am all about treating others the way i want to be treated. So I needed that attitude check. I also needed this quote today. NO ONE deserves to be constantly disrespected. Do not take it. It is hard sometimes to walk away, especially when it is someone you love that is doing the disrespecting. But you are better than that. You will feel like a weight has been lifted when you stand up for you. You become a better version of you, when you surround yourself with people who lift you up. You should seek out those people.

I have this friend A. Every time I see her she makes me smile, just by being in the room. I get an email from her and I smile. She is an amazing person with this magnificent aura. Something just happens when she is around. She lights up a room. I strive to be her. I know her life is not perfect, but I love her for her faults and all. I strive to be that person who people want around. Who people say "she lights up a room". This is why I love having her in my life. I find the older I get the more I seek out these types of people. We can have fun doing anything. That is the person I want to be. Some say I am there, I say I still have lots of work to go. (and I do.. I really really do) but each day, I get closer to my goal!.

So get out there today. Believe in YOU and do not take crap from anyone!!!!

Day 88

"People conform because there is strength in numbers, but true strength comes from the person brave enough to stand alone. Find your strength and stand apart from the crowd!"

It is funny, when I was younger I always wanted to be in the 'cool crowd'. I wanted to fit in and belong. Even when I was younger though I did things to make people want to be like me without realizing it. As I became older, i continued on the stand apart from the crowd frame of mind. I like being my own person who walks to my own beat. I love the friends I have, because most of them too, stand apart from the crowd. If you had in a room my 5 closest friends. They each are from different crowds, yet they fit into my life perfectly. Because each bring a trait that helps me be a better person. Find people who want you to be the best you, that you can be. Stay away from those who want you to conform or be someone who is less than you are. Never look back, always push forward and stand apart and show everyone how strong you can be and what strength you can offer them. All relationships are give an take. You should always give, as giving is receiving and sharing is caring!

Stand apart today and be the strong person I know you can be!

Day 87

"I am made entirely of flaws stiched together with good intentions. I try to put my best foot forward while realizing imperfection is what I do best! Stop caring about the imaginary state of perfect. Perfect is the enemy of good. Strive to the best imperfect YOU!"

Many of us are perfectionists or strive for perfect. I know I am/do at times. We set high bars for ourselves and dedicate copious amounts of time and attention to our work to maintain our high personal standards. Our passion for excellence drives us to run the extra mile, never stopping, never relenting. And this dedication towards perfection undoubtedly helps us to achieve results… So long as we don’t get carried away. I have to realize my perfect is not going to be the same as someone else's perfect. I also realize that I am a perfectionist at times. I always strive to look nice without looking like I put forth the effort. I work hard, because I want people to have a high regard for me. It is all about appearances. Sometimes imperfections sneak out, and I laugh them off. Laughter is a great cure all for everything. But when i am alone, those imperfections come out and i embrace them. I learn from them, i try to recognize them and let them make me humble. Sometimes I laugh when I go to step over a piece of paper on the ground. the perfectionist wants to pick it up, the imperfect me just wants to leave it. I always laugh and always pick it up, because who else will if I do not?

We all struggle in life, it is a shame more people do not share their struggles. It is funny when I look at someone and think 'I want their life, they have a perfect life'. Then I find out, their life is not so perfect, they just hide it well. They do not let the imperfect flow through to the masses, only a close group of friends. Which is who should see the imperfect you. I love that my friends see me looking like a hot mess, saying inappropriate things, being an airhead, the list goes on, yet they still love me. They love me in spite of me and because of me. And really could I ask for anything more??? Nah.. I will take my imperfect friends who love the imperfect me any day over perfect friends who only love the perfect me!

Get out there and embrace the imperfect you!

Day 86

"Keep Your Word. Remember, honesty is the best policy. Every action and decision you make should be based on honesty. Be honest with yourself and with your loved ones."

I laugh as I type that. The one thing you expect from a loved one, especially a partner is honesty. For 3 plus years my last partner could not be honest about almost anything. It was like he was so trained to lie to his parents, that he could not see I was the one person he should have been honest with. I was not going to ground him or break up with him for honestly. In fact one of the reasons it was so easy to let go of him, is that he was not honest. If you lie over silly things like how many beers you drank or who was at a party, than you will lie to me about bigger more important things. How can I trust you at all? If I cannot trust you, then why should I be with you?

Honesty is extremely important to me. Without it, what is the basis of your relationship with anyone, including yourself? You must be honest with yourself about your wants and needs. You must be honest with others about your wants and needs. No one is a mind reader. If you do not express how you feel honestly, than the other person (no matter, friend, partner or parent) will know what you need or think. Honesty is the foundation of relationships, because with it comes trust.

Even if it is uncomfortable, try your best to be honest with you and others. Your life may just change for the better!

Day 85

"True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly!"

Which brings up a good question. What is "true love"?

My guess is finding someone who loves you faults and all, who is there willing to help you be a better person, be your best friend, confidant, cheerleader through this roller coaster we call life! But what do I know.. I have yet to find it.. but there is always hope that it will come along! Am I seeking it out. No way, but if it happens to plop on my door i will not turn it away. All i can do is have fun, be happy with me and the rest I have to believe will work itself out. We all have our faults, our habits that annoy others, we chew to loud, snore, cannot stop talking. We also have that amazing traits like giving to others, always smiling. People fall in love with those good traits and over look the others (at least they will if they truly love you). Do not settle for mediocre. Wait for that person who loves you despite of you!

A friend just emailed with something I think is perfect for today:

I might not be someone's first choice, but I am a great choice..
I may not be rich but I am valuable..
I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me..
I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I am proud of who I am today..
I may not be perfect but I don't need to be..
Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away.. I am Me...

Be proud of you and know that someone loves you just for YOU!

Day 84

"In life you cannot change what happened in the past, but you can change how you react to it. If you awake every morning with the thought that something amazing will happen today, you’ll often find that you’re right. The opposite is also true. The choice is yours to make. Which did you chose this morning?"

So many things happen daily, some that are great, some sad, some frustrating and some down right piss you off. it is hard to stop when you are in the state to say "it is ok" . Sometimes it is even harder not to dwell on it. Memories creep in, thoughts you did not know you had come into mind. You can chose to dwell or choose to push them away. Choices.. choices choices.. It always comes down to a choice. What you wear, how you act, how you react. Some days are harder than others. Never stop making a choice. Do not get lazy and say "well if it is in my mind then i must play this thought out" NO DO NOT DO IT! Force those bad thoughts away. Remember the good, the fun, the amazing things that life has to offer. Watch a child or animal play, laugh with friends. Do anything you can until you are able to push out those negative bad thoughts and let in the good ones. The good ones are better anyway!

Day 83

"Take a chance! Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win. Remember, if you never act, you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same spot forever."

Does not matter, what you do, who you are, where you are in life. Every day you have the chance to take a chance and do something new or different. Yeah it may be scary, yeah you may not really want to try it, but wow at what may happen if you do. There is no reason not to try something at least once, Well usually no reason, if you ask me to jump into a volcano and hit the lava.. I will tell you to have fun with that. But if you just want to go bungee jumping in the volcano.. well that might be possible :) But if you are afraid to go out with someone new because of being hurt, then you will never know if they are the one. If you do not talk to that person sitting alone, then you may not find out they are an amazing person. But if you never take a chance, you will never grow, never learn and never move forward with life. And whether you like it or not, life moves forward with or without you. So get up today and take a chance on something you have been wanting to do or try or see. Moving forward is way more fun than just sitting still!

Day 82

"Dancing makes me happy... Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.. It will make you smile.... at least it has that effect on me! Why not give it a try? What do you have to lose?"

Last night, I got home and did not have time to do a proper work out before a friend came to visit, so i turned on some music and danced. I danced and danced, until the said friend showed. Then danced for another 2 hours once the friend left. I am not sure if it was my friend or the dancing or a combination of both, but I like to think the dancing had a lot to do with the smile on my face. It was nice to just let loose and feel the music run through my body. The way the music melted into me and helped all the negativity and bad mojo of the day fade away. I went to bed smiling and woke up smiling. So dance like no one is watching. Let loose and enjoy yourself. When you are dancing you cannot help but smile! Get out there and DANCE!!

Day 81

"Stop caring about mistakes. Mistakes teach you important lessons. The biggest mistake you can make is doing nothing because you’re too scared to make a mistake. So don’t hesitate and definitely don’t doubt yourself. "

If you do not try, you will never know. Mistakes are how we figure out who we are and where we need to go. They happen as we push ourselves to be better people. If you stop making mistakes, then it means you have stopped trying new things. Never stop growing. Never stop trying. Mistakes teach us about who we are, what we can go through and where we never want to go back too. Remember them, learn from them and never repeat them! Be the best you can be everyday and do not be afraid of a little mistake!

Day 80

"This crazy world makes you feel like you should be like everyone else. But, YOU are one of a kind! Find the courage to stand apart from the crowd and keep being YOU, because YOU are awesome!"

Stop caring about looking a certain way. Be you, just the way you are, in the unique way only you know how. Wear clothes and styles you feel comfortable wearing. Dress the way YOU dress. Just be YOU!. Be comfy in your own skin and your inner light will radiate through to others.

Never compromise who you are. Be proud of you, and if you are not, then take steps to become the YOU that you want to be!

Do not forget.. YOU ARE AWESOME!

Day 79

Za Za Zu" is a feeling I must feel for me to want to see a guy more than once. I love the "za za zu" feeling. That burst of energy that radiates from every fiber of your being. Your heart is pounding, blood racing through your body, as little shocks pound throughout you. That feeling of, “wow I want you”, not just sexually but just to be around you. It feels right and “WOW” , weak in the knees and so much desire. That feeling is amazing. that feeling gives you butterflies when you think of that certain someone. Za Za Zu is the best thing.. since...... well just the best thing :) That is all!

Day 78

"Appreciate Life! Be thankful that you woke up alive each morning. Make the most of each day. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Focus on the beauty of every living thing instead and see if you do not smile :)"

We all struggle with this one. We wake up, we are tired, we think of the laundry list of things that have got to be done today. We then make a choice. We either dwell on it, and let it effect us negatively or we chose to smile, get up and face the day. Then throughout the day, we continue to come up to choices. This morning for example. My alarm went off to work out. I will admit, I hit the snooze button a couple.. er few times. Then I got up and did some kickboxing. Felt empowered and ready for the day. Got to work and all hell was breaking loose. I let it get to me for about 5 mins when I realized. I could A. stay grumpy due to circumstances out of my control and others attitudes or B. I could smile and just get stuff done that I could. I chose B and am super happy I did. I immediately felt a release of anger and frustration and am jsut a smiling.

So get out there today and be thankful you are alive and can chose what your mood will be!

Happy Friday!

Day 77

"Keep your focus steadily on what you want. You can focus on your problems, dwell in suffering and have a victim mentality. Or you can focus on the positive in situation, you can learn from that situation or just focus your mind on something entirely else. Thinking negatively is a habit, you can learn to control and put your focus elsewere until a new habit is formed. It is hard.. but can be done (at least I think it can), why not at least try?"

It may be “normal” to dwell on problems and swim around in a sea of negativity. But that is a choice. And a thought habit. You may reflexively start to dwell on problems instead of refocusing your mind on something more useful. But you can also start to build a habit of learning to gain more and more control of where you put your focus.

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.”

And some days you have to drag yourself kicking and screaming in another direction. That was me yesterday. I let a client get to me. I let her effect my mood, to the point where i was so stressed, i almost cried and ended up with a migraine. Today while I was driving to work, I went reflected on why did I let her get to me? I have been doing so well and managing the stress, as my job can get a little hairy at times. And I realized I never sang "I feel pretty" Which is what I do when I feel stressed. Does this make me look like an idiot? YES! Does it make me happy? YES! Does it de-stress me? YES! You see a theme don't you? So yesterday I failed in my choice. I allowed myself to let those negative thoughts overwhelm me, I shared them ( big NO-NO) which only made the thoughts fester more. So today's message speaks VOLUMES to me. I know better than anyone how hard it is. But really no one likes a negative neely and no one wants to be around that attitude. So today, "I feel pretty oh so pretty" and I will work my hardest to keep my thoughts in a good light, no matter how hard that might be. I hope all of you have a FABULOUS day and are able to do the same! Ciao!

Day 76

"Fear is a happiness-killer. Know when fear is driving your choices, and choose otherwise. Choose freedom over fear. Meet fear with love, then have the courage to act on what you really want."

So many people make choices based on being afraid they have made a wrong choice for something that may or may not happen in the future. This reminds me of hoarding. You hold on to something because you may use it in the future. Sure you are absolutely right, you may. But you also may not. So why hold on? Why not try something new and let go? Let go of the what-if? And live today. Make the choice that is right for you TODAY! As you may not be the same person in a year or 5. You may not want what you do at this exact moment. You may feel that a certain person is the one, or that cupcake is calling your name. But really think about, are they/it right for you RIGHT NOW! Chances are, they are not. So let go of that fear and live your life. Have the courage to move forward and embrace what may come! If you keep holding on or not doing something because you are afraid, than you are not really living either! Think about that :)

Have a FABULOUS DAY!

Day 75

"Nothing kills happiness more quickly than old hurts, resentments, and grudges. Do not spend your valuable time stuck in the past. Realize that you are being affected way more than anyone else. Get rid of your old baggage by wrapping all of that pain in a huge ball of love (yeah yeah go ahead and laugh but you can envision that.. I know you can), then move on with clarity and grace."

This speaks volumes to me. It is hard to let go, and not relive those hurts or past decisions What if's?

Recently my ex has finally admitted after being caught in one to many lies that he is seeing his ex girlfriend. The one he called ugly, fat, a horrible person. Said "she didn't look like THAT, when we dated" The one that broke his heart and screwed him up about how relationships should be. It was funny, as I think he thought I was going to be mad. But instead relief hit me and I smiled. I always had a feeling that things were not done with them. Not so much on his side, but hers. The way she tensed when I was in the same room with her. They way she never could look me in the eyes. The constant texts to meet up. The list goes on. So when he said "yeah I am seeing her, apparently you have not moved on." All I could think is " I am not crazy.. I did not imagine things, it was there". That was a GREAT feeling! I was not crazy I was RIGHT! RIGHT! Awesome.. so i laughed. Then laughed more when I realized he didn't know that, I started dating 3 weeks after we broke up. I gave myself 3 weeks to mourn the 3 years we were together. Since then I have been dating anyone who I think deserves a date. But I have kept this from him due to not wanting to upset him (he gets a little irrational when upset and who knows what will set him off) So to keep from arguing I just have kept this a secret. So I laughed and laughed. He did not see what was so humorous. I said, I can tell you now, I have been dating, just didn't want to hurt you though your " I made a mistake, I miss you" speeches. I wanted to spare you. But now I can tell you that and be okay with it as I was right.. shocker he hung up :) As I kept smiling and laughing I am sure the people in the car next to me thought I was crazy. But I felt so free and so happy. I wish him the best. I wish them both the best. If they can be happy together, since they both are miserable alone, than YAY for them. Kudos!

I have learned a lot in the past few years and the one thing is you cannot look back. You must let go and to let go you must forgive. I wrap them in a huge ball of love and release them. I smile as I wrote this. (crazy I know) if you had asked me a year ago if i would be like "sure i wish you the best" I would tell you CRAZY! But today.. it feels good. It feels good to know he has no hold on me. That I had already released him and moved forward way before he realized I did. That news that would make most people curl into a ball, makes me smile. Smile because I am a better person for that relationship. Smile because I kept the lessons I needed too and released all the rest. LIfe may not be all roses, but it sure is never dull. Enjoy life, the good the bad and the ugly. Sometimes beautiful things come from ugly messes, you just have to be willing to work through it and be willing to let go and move up to bigger and better things!

Day 74

"Lighten up and have some fun. Laughter is an amazing tool. It can lighten the mood just about anywhere. So grab your friends, laugh and let the giggles melt your worries away!"

This was exactly what i did last night. I had a date with my gay boyfriend J. Then C called and we told her to join. Then A got home from work and was like " I will go too" Score 3 of my fave peeps all at once. So we venture on our walk to dinner which was comical. We pass power lines that are down. C keeps asking why we are in the ghetto and that maybe we should have drove. Hello it is 3 blocks.. walk.. it will be ok. So this started our laughing and it continued on through a yummy dinner through the walk home. We laughed and laughed an laughed. it was the best medicine i could have asked for. Love love love my friends!

So feel down? Call a friend. Don't have a friend? then read a comic or watch a funny movie.. let loose giggle like you were a child again. Their laughter is contagious, so laugh so your laughter will catch on to others!

Day 73

"Let go of anger as quickly as possible. Anger is most of the time pretty pointless and a lot of time only hurts you. Recognize the anger, then find a way to let go and move forward. Life is much more pleasurable that way!"

This is one I struggle with over and over again. I feel angry or hurt and instead of letting go, it festers until I stew and act out and try to hurt the other person, or until I tell them.. in which i usually do not get the reaction i am looking for. So I have to make the decision. Is it worth, feeling aggravated and pissy when the other person doesn't even notice or car? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it is only making me a horrible person. So i work to let go. When those feelings creep up, I push them down, throw them out.. whatever i can do. Is it easy? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Do I always win the battler? Not at that moment.. but eventually I let go and breathe and realize that person or thing is small in my day to day life. I can choose to let them guide my attitude or I can choose to let ME guide my attitude.. I like it better when i do :) Plus it has been neat watching me transform and let go.. i feel better, i am happier and all in all life is a hell of a lot more pleasurable.. Being angry takes work.. I would much rather work on being happy :)

So let go and enjoy life!

Day 72

"Do not look for the approval from others. Give yourself approval and allow yourself to be who you want to be. Because you are pretty fabulous!"

This speaks volumes to me. For years I wanted what others had, I wanted to be someone else, I looked for approval from friends, from boys from my parents. I even looked at boys for what they could offer me instead of what I could offer them. I wanted the name brand jeans and not hand me downs. I wanted the boy with the cool truck. I thought I deserved these things, the world owed me. Since I was always wanting more, I never stopped to be happy with what I had or who was in my life. When I finally stopped and looked around, I realized I am fairly awesome.. I have an awesome house that is in a constant state of chaos (like me), I have awesome but crazy and fun and loving animals, I have amazingly awesome friends who keep me on my toes but are always there, I have me who is always trying to better herself and learn new things. I am a happy girl and I really do love my life. It feels amazing to feel this way. It took me until my 30's to be happy with me. To love who i am.. good and bad. I just wish I had learned this sooner.

So love you for you, and if you do not love the you,, that you are.. then do something to change it. bad attitude (that is me) then change it.. it is hard.. it is work.. it is constantly having to realize :oh crap i shouldn't have said that" or " I need to smile.. smile dammit.. i know you do not like her but SMILE" :) that is the hardest. Getting my point? To change takes work.. but if you are not happy with you.. then do it.. do what you need to in order to be the best you, so you can be proud of who you are and where you are in life

Have a happy day!

Day 71

"Feeling like you cannot do something? Your limitations may just be in your mind. Change your way of thinking and take down those limations. Beleive in yourself and know you can do what you put your mind too; you will be amazed at what you accomplish by just believing in yourself!" So many limitations are mostly in our minds. We may for instance think that people will disapprove because we are too loud, tall, too old or balding. But these things mostly matter when you think they matter. Because you become self-conscious and worried about what people may think. People pick up on that and may react in negative ways. Or you may interpret anything they do as a negative reaction because you are so fearful of a bad reaction and so focused inward on yourself. If you, on the other hand, don’t mind then people tend to not mind that much either. And if you don’t mind then you won’t let that part of yourself become a self-imposed roadblock in your life. Believe in yourself.. i know it is hard some days, but take one small step in the right direction and those others steps will become easier until believing in you becomes second nature!

Day 70

"Even the smallest gesture could make someone's day. Thanks Amy Marie for picking up breakfast.. you are saving my life and totally made my morning! ♥ you!"

so on my way to work this morning. I am thinking about what I have at the office to eat and what i want. I have ramen.. which does sound yummy but an Egg sandwich is calling my name. But I do not have time, when an angel named AM texts to say "want breakfast?" Yes please! and there that small moment happened that helped me have an amazing morning.. I got an egg sandwich hand delivered to me and it was PERFECT!

So go out there and make someone's day! Even saying " you look pretty today" would work

So that is your challenge.. make at least one person smile today by doing something for them!

Day 69

HAHAHA I know I am 14 again.. "69" hahaha I am not sure why I am in giggles at writing that. it is just a number. But I guess it is good that I did, because I had no idea what I am going to write. I just decided I should write.

I would give a lot for a heath bar at the moment. Alas.. I am not going to walk in the store and I am not going to drive, though it is a beautiful night. really it was a beautiful weekend. The beach was super windy but gorgeous. I should have stayed all day. Today walking around and eating outside for dinner was so refreshing. The cool crisp air makes me feel alive and happy. I was able to spend time with friends, meet some new friends and all in all had a pretty fabulous weekend :)

Ok I digress but maybe that is for the best. I will leave you to what your first reaction was when ou say "Day 69" Maybe you had no reaction or maybe you giggled like me.