Christians and Carnivores

So this post may piss some people off. And truly if it does you may want to look inside you as that means I hit a nerve and maybe you are blocking something out but I digress.  This post is about how so many Christians and carnivores seem to have holy than thou I’m right because I can’t possible open my mind to see why you think or feel the way I do. You should just eat meat and come to church 3 times a week. That should cure you.  Why do I need to be cured?  I live a good life, am kind to others, treat others better than most treat me.  I do not believe in killing ANYTHING, even an animal to eat.. but yes you are right. I’m an evil bitch and must be stopped. That’s right folks. I’m happy, I’m healthy, I don’t do any harm to anyone, treat others with respect and kindness no matter who they are, yet I’m the problem with my liberal, hippie, agnostic, vegan, mind.  

Just because I don’t believe in your god, that doesn’t make me a bad person. In fact lots of people don’t believe in the same gods or even god and are amazing people. I dare say some are more amazing than most Christians. At least they don’t lie about who they are every Sunday and keep it real 365 days a year. I am tired of having to defend why I don’t want to eat dead animals.  Or why I don’t want to waste my Sunday’s being around a bunch of hypocrites.  Why am I the bad guy?   Did you know Hinduism is the first documented religion?  Not Christianity. Not Judaism, Hinduism.  Let that sink in.  Also bible is man made. And i know this is a shocker but people lie...  the Bible was written as a guide to help people be a good person. And don’t do things like eat pork because you know pork could kill them.   I don’t need it to tell me go be a good person and i don’t eat meat. Being a good person comes from within. I also don’t need an outside source to take away sins or be in control of my life.  That’s my job.  I have to forgive myself. I have to be accountable to me. I have the choice. It’s not external. It’s internal.  Only I can bring myself peace. And I do. I’m also my kids & husbands peace. I am their calm when they are chaotic. I’m teaching my kids how to be their own calm.  We don’t need religion to be good, calm, zen, decent, humans. We believe it comes from within and if it comes from within you always have a way to control yourself. External things do not have to effect my mood, or me if I don’t let them. I am in control so please store pushing what you believe down my throat.  If you live a good  happy life people want to know your secret. If they aren’t asking you how you do if. You may want to focus a little more on you instead of me and others.. just a thought.  Clean your house before coming to mine.  

Carnivores.... No I don’t want to try your meat. I’m sure it’s delicious to you but it’s not my thing. No I don’t want fish. It’s an animal.   I’m happy to eat plant based products.  I don’t calorie count. I don’t diet. I’m not being fed hormone filled dead animal.  I eat what I crave which is a lot of fruits, veggies, beans and nuts. I can make a vegan version of any of my old comfort foods. I’m not hurting the environment, animals or meat eaters. I’m just eating clean   What I eat shouldn’t offend you.  I’m not killing anything to eat my plants. I’m growing a lot myself so no undocumented workers farming most of my food. So I’m really confused why I hear sly remarks  or bolder “just take a bite” um no. No means no. Whether it’s about sex or food. Just no please stop asking.  And gluten free is totally different than vegan.  Please learn the difference    I do not have a gluten intolerance in fact I love making bread.  Vegan means I don’t eat  or wear animal products. I lean more to the raw plant diet but I teter on the vegan line with bread and other not so plant based yet still animal free food.  I don’t do dairy (eggs, cheese, milk, milk products etc). It’s really not hard to grasp. Think fruits veggies, nuts, beans.  I get all my nutrients from plants and yes even my protein and iron. Research and  try some vegan dishes. I’m happy to cook for you. Also don’t turn your nose up before you try the food. It’s rude. If you aren’t going to have an open mind then why bother. 

We don’t have to agree but it would be nice if people would be respectful.  I don’t need lectures or snide comments. It’s my life and i have a say.  So please do you and I’ll do me   also just be a decent human. could you please? That would be great! 

Sincerely 

A fed up agnostic, liberal, hippie, vegan 

Feeling Grateful

Life gets busy. Sometimes not just busy but completely insane. We as humans try to push ourselves to the brink of insanity. It’s nuts. We have more cases of mental illness than ever before. If we stop and look at the world, it’s not the entire world. It’s places like the United States where you are expected to work 50/60 hour weeks, come home be a good parent, rinse and repeat.  We rarely let ourselves have downtime. We schedule our kids full of activities. Most of which the kids could care less about. If we could just slow down.... maybe we would be less stressed, more able to deal with stress, and over all be in better health.  

When I was little I can remember nothing was opened on sundays (thanksgiving, Christmas)   That was the day people rested. Then someone got greedy and thought “let me open up and make money” so they all followed suit. It’s crazy to think we used to use one day a week to rest. I remember we did a lot of Sunday drives. It was just mama daddy myself and my sister driving around exploring our “backyard”.   It was relaxing. 

To keep happy you must slow down and relax.  And why it is hard to do in this busy world, here are a few suggestions to help you out: 

-Start the day with a grateful ritual (end the day that way too) a simple “I am grateful I woke up” works!

-don’t schedule any activities for Sunday. Use this day to spend time with your family relaxing or doing an activity you love 

-nap or at least relax with a good book/tv show/meditate, but relax.  

-work out!  Yoga and Pilates are great for relaxing. So is a nice jog 

-put your phone away. You don’t need to be glued to it! 

I’m so grateful for my life and everyone in it. I hope I can help you too on your happiness journey!  It’s definitely a choice!  

~Jamie

Life is a choice

I have had my fill this week of grumpy people. I mean, those people who are needing help from you but cannot get their heads out of their own grumpiness to realize they are yelling at the person who is literally trying to help them.  It is nuts! But I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE when I can make that grumpy person smile.

You see, your life is your choice. Your attitude is your choice. Your actions are your choice. No one, I repeat, no one, can make you mad, grumpy, hit, yell, or  SMILE. You are doing that. You are giving those people something they do not deserve and that is your happiness.

Bad things happy to good people. I know this first hand. But life is a series of choices. It is like those "make your own adventure" books. You choose. You may choose a wrong path, but that is not the end of your story. Not unless you chose it is. Keep marching, find a new path. While you are searching you could put a smile on your face.  Right?  You could. You could maybe find something, just one thing that you like, right? And perhaps, you might find more than one thing to like and smile about, right?

You can choose to be grumpy and make someone else miserable or you can choose happiness and make someone else happy. Which one sounds like a better world to you?  I know I sure would love a world where everyone was nice and happy. I mean I do not want a world devoid of emotions, but wouldn't it be so nice if everyone you met had a smile and was at least pleasant. You do not even have to be happy, just pleasant.

When life hands you lemons you truly do have the choice to make lemonade even if it is pretend lemonade. You do not have to suck on the sour lemons. You have the choice to change things and make them better or bearable.

I try to teach my kids that principle. life is a choice. You can choose to be mad/sad/angry/happy/content/etc. It is within your power.  You can give me any excuse in the book and I will find a positive in your situation. No situation is so horrible that you cannot find some good. Focus on that good.. and push forward. Eventually that small sliver will be a whole piece.. then it just builds and builds. You will have bad grumpy days. But do not stay there. When you wake the next morning, your slate is clean, your attitude is yours for the taking. Wake up with a sense of happiness, purpose and belonging.

Wake up and win the day, every single day. Even if you failed the day before, the next morning, wake up with the "I will win today" mindset!  Life is a choice.. what will you choose?

~Jamie

I am growing up

I decided the other day I want to go to school. Poor Mama is now rushing to get me into somewhere. She said she didn't know where but we would find a place!  She also already applied for the Kindergarten school i want to go to.   I also have been able to manage my emotions and temper lately. I have had about the same meltdowns as Mama so I know I am doing something well!  Mama is really good about helping me through the meltdown. I have been doing that for CB too!  He cries, i help him or say I am sorry while hugging him. Mama says it makes her heart happy. She is silly!

I am growing up fast!  I love hanging out with my friends. My fave color is red. I can count to like 100, I know my abcs  and am starting to read a little.

I own my own house and have a friend Max that lives there with all of our animals. it is 10 far away.   It is also bigger than mamas house. It is two stories. Mama has not visited yet but that is okay, as I have 2 moms and 2 dads that live there. That way i always have my mama!

Mama is going away for a work trip. This makes me really sad. She is working with me to not be so sad even though she said she was sad too. She is going to miss us like crazy!  We are sure going to miss her too!  She is the best!  I love love love her!  Even when I get mad i still love her!  She always says she is sorry, always hugs us and always tells us how much she loves us!

Off to go swim!

Much love
~JB

Fake it until you Make it!

I have a motto. It is not a new one to most of you. It is "Fake it Until YOU Make it!"  Seriously!  It is that easy. 

Let me back up. So you have decided you want to find happiness from within because you realize that is the only way to be happy. But how do you begin? How do you go from your current self to a happy version of yourself? 

Well the first thing is making the decision that you want to be happy!  That is huge!  So I made the decision, now what?

Well, next, you need to carve out some me time.  Read "Miracle Morning"  Any version of that book that speaks to you. I have The first one, and the parent/family one and the marriage one. They all have a common theme. You have to work on you, and then the rest falls into place.

An easy way to begin, is as soon as your eyes open, start flooding your head with things you are grateful for.  'Oh Jamie, I have nothing in my life to be grateful for. I have blah blah blah"  Sorry to tell you, but you are not right. I do not care how bad you think your life is, I promise you, someone has it worse!  Right now there are moms with newborns who are homeless, There are people living in war zones fearing for their life. There are kids that are sleeping outside on the ground because they have no where else to go. I promise you, I can find way more examples of things being worse than what you are going through.

Soooooooooo flood your head with positives. Start your morning stating what you are grateful for. Start small, "I am grateful I woke up." "I am grateful I have a roof over my head" "I am grateful for how my kids love to hug me" and keep going.. just flood your mind with how awesome your life is. Eventually create this into your morning routine and evolve it, until then, Fake it until you Make it!

Next, you are going to have negative thoughts come up, or negative people in your life. For your thoughts, as soon as that negative one starts, stop yourself and think of the positive of the situation. I had cancer but I was able to see so much good in others that I never would have seen without cancer touching me. I look younger than I did before chemo, YAY my cells reset themselves :D  Oh a tree just fell on my house, well I have been wanting to renovate, now i can!  No matter what is happening you can find a positive, you may have to look hard but you can find it.

Now dealing with a negative person.... This is where you "Fake it Until you Make it"  You put on a smile, and you do your best to keep smiling even if this person drains your energy with their darkness. You never know how you will touch their life by being happy, even if you are faking. Also, limit your time with them.  That will let you rebuild your energy so you can be a positive beacon of light for them!

Next, smile at every person you meet or pass and say "Hello"  Small gestures but the more you smile at others, they more they smile at you, and the happier you become. So Fake it until you make it... smile.. wave.. move on.. eventually it will be 2nd nature.

Start working out, even if its just walking around the house. Working out will distress you which will make you happier!  Meditate if you are so inclined, some people like prayers, whatever helps you do it!


These are merely suggestions. Please read any of the Miracle Morning books to assist you in getting a good morning routine. Once you get that in place to having me time and framing your attitude in a positive helpful way, everything else seems to fall into place!

And remember, you can always Fake it Until YOU Make it!

Much love!
Jamie

Things that help me be happy!

I have been very horrible at blogging lately. guess it is a good thing I do not have thousands.. or even hundreds of followers. In fact I am not even sure why some of you read this.  But I am doing amazing on this happiness journey.  Here are some things I have noticed:

I am starting to see where I have more and more control over me.
This is amazing!  I will start to react and, my upper brain kicks in to let me know that i do not have to react that way. I still fail some days and the lowers brain pushes right through that upper brain like a Mack truck. BUTTTTTT I am noticing more quickly and am able to stop the lower brain and let the upper brain do its work.   I have noticed a change in the oldest too.

I am starting to set my self up in a positive light for any encounters that I think will be uncomfortable or negative or just ehhhh.  If I know a certain person usually makes me feel like a dark cloud has surrounded me, then I have to totally talk myself up. 'You are happy, you are golden, you are not going to let others moods effect yours... you got this.. smile, laugh, be yourself, be a light.. shine that light, you got this"  Say whatever you need to in order to keep you.. good.....

I am giving the kids a chance to talk before I assume.  I hear kids screaming, baby is hurt. I do not assume the oldest hurt him, its probably what happened, but let's talk and find out. 'Hey Oldest, what is happening in here.. why is baby crying... did you see what happened?'   Oldest: "oh Mama, i was trying to help him, and I picked him up and he didn't like that"

And that is what happened, however, if I screamed from another room or didn't approach it as a fact finding mission and started accusing, I would have gotten resistance, maybe a 2nd meltdown, he would have been defensive. .it would have ended badly. Even if he was at fault, he now will freely admit "Oh I bite brother because he wouldn't let me play with that toy" Oh well what could you have done instead... "oh I could have used my words, I am sorry"  Either way, we are talking calmly, which makes for a very happy household.   I mean I do not like being accused of stuff even if i am at fault, so i totally get it.  There will be enough people yelling at them in their life. I want them to learn right from wrong, and talk through what we could have done better. I think those are huge life lessons that get missed when we yell, spank, or "punish" instead of talking, finding out the root of the issue and if we need to set up some discipline  rules. Discipline means to teach.. which i love!


I have a choice. That is right, I have a choice. I can choose to be annoyed, irritated, mad, sad or HAPPY.  I am  never going to love someone 100%, but if I focus on their positives and not the negatives, then I am  much happier and the negatives do not seem so big.   See, you always have the choice to be the bigger person and even if you want to strangle someone  you can easily smile and be courteous if you have to  interact. You do not have to drive through a construction area, if you know that if you get stopped you are going to get mad or irritated, take a different path or if it surprises you , take a deep breath and focus on these people are doing their job, not personally trying to get you. It truly is your choice.  Even with my kids, I do not have to talk on their meltdown, or get mad at them if they do something wrong or make a mistake. I can take a deep breath and let them know "I am really upset right now, I just need some time to cool off, please let me walk away or please just come hug me, until i calm down" whatever I need, I can communicate it. This has also helped to a happier household. The kids even the baby are starting to communicate their needs. It has been amazing to see. I always have a choice, you always have a choice!  That helps me a lot!

What are some things that help you stay happy?

~Jamie

Sick weekend, with littles

This weekend was challenging. I am including, the Thurs and Friday before and the Monday after the weekend in this.  The boys were, are,  sick. I was under the weather. It was crummy!  The boys would not stop crying and both needed me to hold them. I was over touched, all my senses were in hyper-drive and I just wanted to sleep.  The kids were off their rockers most weekend, pushing my triggers, pushing me to the brink of insanity. It wasn't pretty. I yelled most of the day Friday. It was not my finest moment as a person or mom. I cried, I apologized, i held babies as they melted-down,  it was a rough weekend.   Happiness was teetering. I was walking that tightrope and did not know which way I would fall. Thankfully, I fell on the happiness side. I hugged babies, I forgave myself when I failed and I kept trying!  I even laughed, when the kids got out of ear shot, as they were nuts on Monday.

Here is my Monday night run down. Now keep this in mind, we only have 2.5 hours before we climb into bed. The oldest did not connect as soon as we walked in the house, which needs to happen. Then I jumped into, giving them a snack, making dinner, calling my bestie who just got a new job while i cooked. see that last bit, that is where the night took a turn. To get my attention, the oldest would steal ingredients. Now usually all of these things that I am about to tell you about, would have triggered me yelling or getting mad. But I knew he didn't feel good, he misses daddy and he wasn't connected to me.  So i take them back and nicely remind him we do not steal items.   Next we have the smooshed banana, that then got thrown around like a monkey, floor, walls, as i am taking him to wash his hands he is trying to hit everything. I was able to get him to calm down and help clean up, but then we spilled some cleaner, then water, and it was a water slide show until mama could grab towels. I got them to the bathroom to see all the toilet paper on the floor.. and then to the bedroom to see all the sheets on the floor... i asked them to clean up and make the bed which they did, then the baby accidentally got hit with a hair dryer as his brother lets it swing from the door as he yelled out "watch out" and then when it hit his brother "Mama I told him to watch out, he didn't watch out" I had to turn around to keep him from seeing me laugh. See I had a choice, I could get mad or I could stay happy while helping them with the next course of action. By the end of the night, we were able to talk calmly and get down to "I missed you today and really wanted you to play with me"  Well let's communicate next time please?  I would have missed that connection had I gotten mad or yelled. I am glad I handled everything with grace and calmness. They were able to help clean up messes and we got to bottom of the issues. This morning was amazing!  Hoping for a good night tonight too!

I was very down on myself Monday morning for losing it on Friday, but I was able to turn it around, which in return helped me help the little's through their meltdowns.  No matter where you are, you can always turn it around.  Cry, say what you need to, in order to pull yourself back up and try again. It is okay to fail. It is not okay to stay down. Get up, do better, choose happy!

What is one of your recent wins?

~Jamie

Different Perspectives

My hubs works out of town during the week, so weekends are especially important to us. The comical thing is, we are two very different people. What makes him happy, isn't usually something I would chose and vice versa.   This past weekend, ee had our anniversary day date. It is our little tradition, as we have small kids. So doing a day date is always better for us. The caveat to that, is there isn't always a lot to do on a week day in a small town. We did not plan anything.  I am a girl who likes plans. I like to dress for what we are doing. It makes me super happy.  He knows I get hangry, so he fed me first, one of my fave little places to eat!  Then we did something that made him happy, shopping.... I do not like shopping, i know I am a girl, i should, but I do not. I kept a smile on my face and even chose to say "let's go into two more places".  He knows I do not like shopping but instead of making him totally miserable while he was doing something he loves to do, I made him happy!  Which started out our weekend in an amazing positive position.

We tend to cram a lot of things into 2 short days. I have learned with small kids, if they are tired or hungry, nothing you can do will reason with them. I tend to stay on top of making sure they sleep and get food, to ensure less meltdowns which in return means daddy stays in a good mood and mama doesn't lose her shit :D  Then during the week, the kids and I melt back into a zen zone of calmness and staying home to re-charge. We have also been able too lately, get daddy to have a zen Sunday, which is very hard for someone who likes to go go go or crash.  I have learned that tending to our basic needs and making sure those are filled, help create a good base for a happy life.

Sometimes, we need to open our eyes, to see others needs, and wants. I may not be hungry but the little's may be or hubs may be.   I constantly check in with them "are you thirsty, are you hungry, do you need to pee"   The answer for me is always thirsty and always need to pee and I am usually hungry.  but it isn't about me. I can control me and my attitude, but i need to help guide the boys!  It is hard for someone to stay angry or in a bad mood if the others around them are happy and their basic needs are met.   This weekend could have gone bad in a lot of ways. Had my attitude changed at all, then I would have effected my families attitudes. By keeping myself in check and making sure my buckets are full, I was able to help everyone around me stay happy, feeling loved and of course well fed :D

Little changes create BIG results!  Never underestimate small changes!

What small change can you make to help make your life happier?

~Jamie

When you have to talk it out....

Today is hard. Today is one of those days that I had a few wins and then one person tries their hardest to suck the life out of you. They do not mean too and you cannot escape them but sometimes they drain you. That was the day today.

The good part is, even though my feelings were hurt and I cried A LOT!  I stayed calm,  and never raised my voice and by the end of a lot of back and forths, I was apologized too!  That right there would never have happened, had I  yelled back or shot off comments. It happened because I was finally able to stay calm and let the other person realize why i was feeling hurt.

Some days you have to talk it out. And this is always good!  Communication, effective communication, is never a bad thing. Even if the other party doesn't stay calm, you can. You can always breathe, think, and not react. It is hard but with practice, it helps communicating with those who do not communicate well and helps get your point across subtly where they usually will be like "Oh now I see"

This is still a struggle for me. I am usually patient up to a point then I am just done. If I yell it usually means, I have had enough, or I reacted to a trigger. When that happens, it is okay.  I do not beat myself up. I do learn from it. I do remember what triggered me. Life is full of lessons, and losing it, is just one more. So is effective communication.  We are not mind readers so communication is key in any relationship!

Do you struggle with communication and confrontation?


~Jamie

Zen Weekend

The kids and I had the best weekend!  Mama only lost her shit one time in the middle of the night, the kids only lost it a few times, it was a total win win weekend.  We had a lot of wins this weekend! 

Friday, we went to go walk to drop off little bit with my sister. Before we left, I cleaned yogurt off the stroller, twice. Yep, twice!  I didn't get mad. I didn't yell, I just scooped up the crying baby and let him know he was okay and we would get him changed, I empathized. I cleaned up the mess and looked at the clock, still somehow with a smile, and then I thought, Oh no, i don't have time to walk,  which started to make me sad and frustrated. I immediately recognized this and choose to smile and go ahead and walk. I am sooooo glad we did!  The kids and I sang songs, and the fresh air was amazing. The oldest decided he was going to stay with me, so we came home and cleaned the garage, like deep cleaned. It looks like a different room!  It is amazing!  The chaos is gone and it is a zen feeling room! Then we cleaned the car out, then we washed it, then we cleaned the house!  Our house smelled so good and we were so tired but we were soooooo proud of ourselves for just doing it!  What seemed overwhelming Friday morning, was such an accomplishment and I got to do it with my 4 year old!  That makes me super happy!  But that day was filled with the oldest melting down a few times and me having to really choose to be happy.  We had a moment at the store where were were there for about 10 mins with him just sobbing into me. Thankfully we moved the last 5 mins out to the car so we could sit without everyone watching. It has taken a lot of time for me to get a thick skin not to care what others think, but it isn't that thick... I could have carried him out of the store kicking and screaming and may have dropped him, instead, I got down on his level, empathized, and was able to get the crying to stop long enough for us to get back to the car where it started again but this time in a "mom you are my safe space way"  Had I handled it differently, I would have missed that key moment that he needed a connection from me with and boy am I glad I did not miss that.  We sang all the way home and he told me I was the best mama ever!  That was nice

Well Saturday, we had some road blocks, but we did not let that get us down!  We chose to make the best of the weekend and we did!  We made so many memories and had so much fun!  I was able to ride through meltdowns to the other side, with grace, patience, and was the rock my babies needed. I was able to through negative thoughts away and keep away from those who bring negativity into our lives!  I simply stated we were busy but thanks!  it was much needed!  Sunday after getting outside all morning we snuggled up in a dark cold room and watched movies and played games!  

It was a perfect weekend with my littlest loves!  My attitude helped theirs! It was amazing to see!  

Even the littles loved the weekend. Zen Mama, Zen Kiddos!

Hope everyone has a zen week!  

What is the latest perfect weekend you can remember?

~Jamie

Happiness is a choice

Happiness is a choice... 

Think about that. Happiness, is, a, CHOICE.   That is right, you read that correctly. It is a CHOICE!  You can choose to wallow in everything that is wrong your life, get mad at people who annoy you, etc or you can CHOOSE, to let it go. Acknowledge the issue, the hurt, whatever, then, release that energy and replace it with positive energy.   It is a Choice!

Now some of you are like, she is talking this mumbo jumbo hippie nonsense. I promise you it is not.  But if you are going to believe some plain Jane, then I will have to give you a very condensed version of a few key points in my life.

First, I went a very, very, very long time in my life being the  girl  who wasn't happy and who fit in. I would conform myself to fit in with whoever wanted to hang out with me at that time.  I was a floater. I floated between friend groups in high school and college. If someone in that group, gave off bad energy, was not nice, or I just didn't like them, then I would hang out with a different group more. I liked those who made me laugh and just wanted to have fun. I was all about the fun!  I was not only a floater but I also was a closet loner..  I ate lunch a lot of times alone on purpose. I would go find a sunny spot in the grass where i could lean against the school building and I would get lost in a book. Sometimes someone else who wanted to get lost in a book would come sit by me. Amy.. she was the best. She has been one of my best friends since we were in preschool. We rode to school together every morning. Her mom drove and her brother was there. So sometimes she would join me.  We could just sit and not talk and all was right with the world. I miss her.   In college moving friend groups was so much easier. You never had to see the old friends if you didn't want too and you could constant reinvent yourself. I still didn't know who I was and I wasn't slowing down to find out. I made a ton of mistakes trying to be happy. I landed myself in a crap ton of debt by spending more than i had to keep up with my rich friends. I took out student loans to go to law school because I thought it would make me happy, only to find out it was not making me happy. Now I am stuck with tons of debt (almost all paid off) and funny, I am happy.   So I took a lot of detours, I hit rock bottom more than once. I am a little hard headed. I kept searching and searching and searching for someone or something to make me happy. I was in the middle of gossip because I thought it made me look important. It didn't it made me look small and made me even more unhappy. Knowing peoples secrets is a hard job when you are someone who likes to gossip. You are constantly having to keep up with who you told what too and hope that the person you were talking about doesn't hear. All that changed! I never say a thing about ANYONE that I would not say to their face. I in fact try not to talk about anyone. I talk about the weather, what is happening in the world, anything but about others.  Especially secrets. I do not divulge a word, not even to my husband.   I fell in love with the wrong men. I blamed them for it not working, when it was me. I am not blaming myself in a bad way. I was not ready for love. I didn't love myself, how could I love anyone else.  I kept spending money, making poor choices it was all a bad, bad cycle.

I have tried multiple times in life to figure out who I am and what I love. The first time I did this was after law school. I took a year and didn't date. I only dated myself. I learned what I loved and didn't love. But I still had the tendency to conform to my group of friends. I still didn't have what i needed to be me. It was still  me trying to find happiness externally.  But I was on the right track. Again took a few detours but eventually I am back to today and today is a good day!

It finally took me hitting super duper duper rock bottom. I had broken up with my finance who was a self, lazy, lying, stealing, cheater, drug using, non communicating, non confrontation type of guy. He hated confrontation and did not like communication and if he thought I wouldn't like something he would lie.  We liked a lot of the same things and I finally felt like I wasn't changing for someone. However I was. I became angry, and closed off. I vented, complained and just over all was not nice to be around. He lied to me constantly, he stole from me, he used me. He  said he loved me but he didn't deserve me and you know what?  He was right. When he said that to me, something clicked.  That day I looked in the mirror and thought, "What is wrong with me, this guy is saying he doesn't serve you and he is right you can do a lot better and you deserve a lot better.  Also why you are at it, lets go for a run tonight you have some weight to lose"

That moment, that single moment, started me off on my fitness journey which would lead me to my happiness journey.   I got off my butt, I lost 45lbs and was fit! I was doing things that made me happy! I quit drinking and learned to have fun without intoxicating substances. I learned that I am a pretty funny girl and an amazing friend! My life seriously changed. I got up every morning and worked out for an hour, I would meditate, I would write down goals and go over what I was grateful for. Seriously, life changing behaviors.   If you have not read the Miracle Morning, read it!  It will change your life!

Since my rock bottom, I got married to someone totally different but with his own set of issues. But his issues are his, I control my happiness. We had two beautiful baby boys, then I was diagnosed with breast cancer, but that didn't stop my happiness. I didn't let that disease destroy all the hard work I have done. I have a 4 year old and almost 2 year old who will test the wills and patience of a saint. Some days it is hard not to take on their meltdown or Some days I fail miserably and yell at the kids, but most days, I am rocking this. 

 I am going to start sharing my struggles and wins with you guys! I want you to understand that life itself is not easy. It isn't! You have to deal with others attitudes, things that happen which are beyond your control and understanding but you can control your attitude and how you react or don't react!  if you want some good books to read, message me, I am always happy to give recommendations! I am also always happy to share my experiences. I have been on this journey for 20 years and I finally, finally have a grip on it. I fail often but I learn and I move forward.

Some 'Choosing Happiness' tips:

Don't vent: write thoughts down or record them if you need to to get them out of your head, then let it go. I have a convo with whoever in my mirror then i let it go and do not bring it up again. If I have a conversation, I always feel horrible after.. you will too, so remember that feeling and stop yourself from venting!

NO WORK TALK: I try not to talk about work. As sometimes it is stressful and I just do not want to rehash my day!  I will share wins but I do not complain for vent about the day.

No Gossip:  Do not speak it, do not listen to it. I get up and leave or change the subject and do my best not to respond back to it. Gossip hurts whoever you are talking about, and hurts you. You look little, small, petty and untrustworthy. You do not want to air other peoples laundry. let them do it themselves, I mean look on facebook any day of the week and someone is telling you about every detail of their life. Gossiping hurts that person by spreading info that could be or end up being twisted and a rumor, if they find out you took part you could lose the friend.  It is just not worth it.

Show Gratitude:  Each day the kids and I start the day stating what we are grateful for. I also keep a gratitude journal which prompts questions to make me think and the 4 year old, we fill out a kids gratitude journal every night. He says his most grateful parts of the day, what was totally awesome, rates his happiness and can draw a picture. It is amazing and a great way to end our day!

Weed out bad energy:  Whether you live in a house haunted by someone who was a murder or you have toxic friends. Weed that shit out!  Move, find new friends, whatever you need to do, escape that energy and only feed your body positive energy.

Your Vibe attracts your Tribe:  You have a lot of bad energy friends?  look at you!  You attract people based on your vibe. You avoid or are attracted to people  based on theirs. Stay away from negative people. They will suck you dry. Trust me, those people will not even notice you dropped them. They are so self absorbed they will always have someone to vent too and suck dry.  So be yourself, smile, stay positive and keep attracting people who you want to be like and who want to be like you, Happy!  Find people who love you at your worst and your best!  Find people who support you, lift you up and really care about your goals and well being!


Exercise:  This is good for your body, mind and soul!  Move your body!  It was designed to work, so work it!

LAUGH:  I cannot stress this enough, LAUGH!  "But i am a seriously person Jamie, I do not laugh" Well maybe you should start before you have a heartache.. LAUGH, it is good for the soul, it soothes your inner being, it gets you smiling and in a good mood. It is really hard to be in a bad mood when you are are laugh.. just saying.. super hard.. try it? I promise if you laugh you will get in a good mood. I laugh at everything. I get in trouble for laughing at my kids by my mom but goodness they are funny and really I want them to remember a fun, smiling mama!  So LAUGH!

Change your mind set to a positive one:  We all fail and have that "i am not good enough" thought, but as soon as you think something negative, immediately change your mindset " I am good enough. I am, "  Once you get in a habit of changing your mindset as soon as you realize you are off your happy course, you will eventually just be on the course. It takes work, discipline but it can happen!  Change your mindset and outlook and you change you!

STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA:  I do not mean be a hermit with it, I just mean do not sit there and scroll aimlessly through. Newsflash, its the same people talking about themselves or news articles that could be fake. There is not much good on social media. get on wish people happy birthday or check your fave group then get off. Set a timer if you need too and never, ever, ever aimless scroll when you have someone in the room with you. give that person your attention!  It is rude otherwise and you are missing a real life connection! (ps get out and have real connections that will also make you happy) Social media has been proven to make people more sad. Also remember that some people are lying, they don't really love their husband that much, they do not have perfect children, job etc.  they are faking it until they make it, you should too (just not on facebook)!

Smile and be Kind to others:  open the door for someone, smile at everyone you meet. Always, always, show kindness to others and smile at them!  These seem small but they go a long way and you are teaching your kids to always be kind!  Kind people are happy people!



Life is always going to throw you lemons but you can make way more than lemonade with them!

Here is to our Happiness Journey!  So glad you are joining me!

Love
~Jamie

It has been awhile

It has been awhile since I have posted. It is hard to get on the computer at night. Blogger makes it more difficult by not having a good phone app to use. I mean how am I supposed to blog if i cannot use the app or get on a computer, right?

Life is moving along. The boys are growing up fast!  The little one is our baby  boss. He runs the house! 

The oldest, is trying to find the balance between being a little boy and learning the rules of life. That is hard. Super hard. 

Husband got a promotion and is working as a manager, trying to prove how awesome he is.

And me, I am just tugging along keeping everyone in check and trying to keep working hard at my job with new bosses in tow.  Life is good. Life is moving fast as always. I wish it would slow down just a tad.

This week has been a busy week, full of lessons on showing grace, while being gracious and always showing kindness, no matter what faces me or who is attacking me.  I almost failed, but thankfully I did not. We all make mistakes. it is how we deal with those mistakes that shows our true character. When you are not the one that makes the mistake but you are blamed for it.  That is hard. Super hard not to point fingers. Not to place the blame elsewhere. I may not have won completely on that front but I was able to take a step back and show grace, kindness and forgiveness to the one that did make the mistake. I could have done better. I will do better next time. the world needs more kindness. It needs to slow down and smell the flowers, bask in the sunlight, and just be kind. Be kind, be forgiving, be a decent human.

All is well in the world of the cancer part. I have my full energy back, which is amazing!  I am able to play with the kids and clean the house! Life has been pretty peaceful with the kids. I just love life. Each day is a gift. Each day I try to do better! Be kinder, be more gracious and being a more decent human!

Love to you all!

~Jamie