Day 57

I had a very fun weekend. I enjoyed lots of laughs with some very good friends.

We are always changing and evolving. The person you were yesterday is not the same person you are today. I went to a very lovely babyshower yesterday. But one thing I found humorous was the young girls (25ish) who were whining that they were not married and would be old moms. It was comical to me, as these same ladies are always up for a party or another drink. I think they forget that you cannot do that with kids or you need to find a babysitter. And as much as grandparents want to keep those precious bundles... they do not like being taken advantage of. I may not have gotten married young.. or had kids yet. But if I do at least I had my days of partying. I can close the door on that chapter knowing I lived it to my fullest. I can focus fully on my next chapter without reverting back, because oh is it easy to revert back.

I am going to keep looking forward.. keep moving forward. I am glad I am no longer that same girl that I saw a room full of yesterday. I would not have made a good mom back then. I was too selfish and all about the fun and being a mom is not always fun. Plus learning on my animals and by babysitting for some fabulous moms (and not so fabulous) has helped me realized how i need to be as a mom, if I ever get the chance to be one.

Day 56

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Some boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Day 55

My dog ate my remote to my t.v. Just when I thought he was being such a good boy.. he ate the remote to my t.v. His best friend Bailey loves my shoes and now my precious baby ate my remote.. but lucky for him. I found that comcast posted "how to find your remote code easily" and was able to sync my cable remote to my tv thereby no longer needed the mangled t.v remote.

Day 54

I started this post a few days ago, so my thoughts are VERY random.. Have fun reading hehehe

Mary Poppins:
I was told my past two posts were depressing. Sorry :( Didn't mean for them to be. So much is going on and though I do not want to be Debbie downer I cannot always be Mary Poppin sunshine either. I do my best each day. Some days are easier than others. So many friends are in such turmoil. It takes extra work just to stay smiling and to help others through their funk, without letting them pull me into a funk.

Jet Skiing down the Satilla:
I had an amazing Saturday. I went on a 170ish mile jet ski ride down the Satilla river with a very dear friend D. We went with a jet ski club. We stopped at Cumberland Island and saw the Dungeness Ruins. OMG soo freaking cool. The house was amazing. So sad it burned down. We had a blast, saw dolphins swimming, wild horses, jet ski's stuck and lots of wind. It was an amazing day and I cannot wait to load pics. Here is one:



Crazy Love Life:
And today has been a very interesting day.
I have been texting back and forth with CJ (old love from PC) I never feel like we have ever been apart. We love the same things, we love each other. It is just that damn 5 hour distance between us. I would spend every day with him if I could. I wish I had the cash flow to drive over there every weekend or at least be able to switch off. He is always willing to drive to me but I feel bad. But I certainly have all of those feelings rush back when we chat. It has been almost a month of us going back and forth. He has known me since we were 19ish.. We have watched each other grow up, and we have never grown too far apart. Feels like we have led parallell lives. I wonder if they will ever finally collide? I would love our life if they did. Just thinking of him makes me smile. We have so much history and been through a lot, but we never every officially broke up any of the times we dated. We just got distracted due to our distance and immaturity. Awe CJ..

Then I have CK.. who I never can get a good grasp on what is going through his head. He flirts, he texts, and is in contact.. we are friends.. only friends. Friends who think the other is extremely hot.. but friends none the less.

Really those are the only two worth writing about. Do not worry there are a few more in the works but are not write worthy.


Now on to today. Today is a lazy day. Today is the day where I clean a little and do not much of anything else. YAY for today!

Day 53

Today is rough. I feel a little depressed. I am sad my friends are gone, sad I am at work. I would love to be on the beach or playing with kids. Heck i would rather be cleaning my house than working today. However, I am thankful I have a job and that my co-workers covered for me while I was out and well for being alive!

I miss my crazy friends. They remind me of who I was. I was fun, crazy, always the life of the party. I miss that Jamie some days. I thought others loved me. But they loved having me around because I did the crazy stuff (sort of love). I thought I was cool, but i was not. I thought that i was having a great time, though i could not remember the time nor enjoyed the next day. I thought alcohol made everything better, but it just numbed me. I am happy to be the person I am today. I am fun without the alcohol, I remember things, i do not dance on tables or kiss random girls or guys, i do not put myself in not so great situations that could get me seriously injured or set up for a huge mistake. I am control of me and my actions. I can see clearly and have fun. So why am i grieving that party girl I once was? Maybe because she was so care free, now I am the one worried about everything. Worried about what my consequences my actions will have, I tired soo hard for so long to not grow up, and finally I did, without even realizing it and that makes me a little sad. It should not, but it does. Maybe if I had everything that goes with a "grown up" life,then I would not feel this way. I still feel 22, but I am not. I am far from it. At least now i am acting more my real age.. So that is a plus right?

Day 52

This weekend has been a fun but very long weekend. It is true that to know who you are, you just need to look at who knew you when. And my friends from 6th grade on did that. This weekend was full of laughs and tears. Jokes and thoughts. My head is spinning with what I could have been and making me thankful for who I am. It was fun to hang out with old friends, who love you for you and nothing more. I learned an ex boyfriend from Middle school JM (who my parents hated) died by drowning trying to save his girlfriends son from drowning. This boy who when i knew him was rough around the edges, such a redneck but so sweet. He was always so sweet He had sweet eyes and a sweet soul. It drew me in. That sweetness always draws me in. R came to visit. Had not seen him since high school. Great friend.. always was. He told lots of stories on me that made me laugh and remember lots about who I was.. and who I still am. He mentioned MB who was basically my boyfriend through middle school with LOTS of break ups. He was a bad boy.. who was sweet.. He skipped school, smoked cigarettes, drank and kissed me a lot in the hall ways... A LOT. So R reminds me of how i was MB's girl and he was right I was. Everyone knew that. We were right up until the point where he had his sister break up with me on my families answering machine.. yep then I moved on to JM. So sweet but going no where.. then it all clicked. That is my issue. I always go for the loser, the boy who is sweet but troubled, who I can help fix and lift up. But a funny thing happened. As were were on one of our many trips to the beach. Mr. Beautiful aka SB aka CK and R were sitting next to each other. Both my friends. Both good boys and I adore them. And if you have read my pasts blogs then you know SB and I have a major attraction to each other. But regardless R represents what I am typically attracted too. Now R.. is sexy but in that bad boy, I have lots of tattoos, I smoke too many cigs, always looking for the next pay check or party, always have a beer in my hand.. where my hat side ways because I think it makes me look cool in a "I don't care" sort of way look. He has a deep southern voice which puts me at ease and just loves me for me.. as he always has. Thinks I am sexy but would never cross that line.Then I had SB who is sexy in a "I am grown up", I take care of myself, my kids, I am responsible, but remember when I was not, I work out too keep my figure (and care that I keep it) and am funny just in case you do not think I am sexy kind of sexy. Both boys are funny and good looking. Both are unavailable to me dating wise.. but sitting there , I chose SB who is the smarter choice. I found myself looking at him and thinking about what it would be like to date him. Not R.. am I finally growing up? I feel like I am. I think if it were a "you must choose one over the other" SB is the right choice. I definitely would never be bored.

Ok back to my weekend of ROB BASH 2011. My friends partied until 5am each night this weekend. I stayed sober and drove people around. I had fun and got lots of laughs. I did realize I never want to be that girl (again) who is dancing to random booty music or messing with girls boobs because I am so drunk I cannot control what I am doing because I think I am cool because people are laughing at me (not with me, but I am too drunk to care) girl. Because WOW were there some characters out there. I realized I am damn sexy and kept getting told so. Even one of Goobers friends hit on me. Funny since this guy is known for dating his friends exes.. The last one he dated for 6 years. The night must have hit Goober hard. He hung out with my friends most of Friday night and I think it took a toll on him. Good news I guess, is he still loves me, bad news.. he has done nothing to communicate this properly and still cannot support himself, so no action to be taken. So not sure what I am supposed to do. I cannot go back. There is no incentive for me to go back. I do not want that lifestyle on a regular basis. I like my quiet life. I mean, I loved going out and dancing. I did not love herding cats. I loved laughing with my friends, I did not love my car being trashed. I loved hanging out all night, I did not love not getting a full nights rest. I loved watching everyone have such a great time and I loved hosting. Everyone are such amazing people. We all turned out well. We all love each other even despite each of our minor annoying traits we all possess. It is nice being able to just be yourself and still be loved years later. Who says adults cannot have spring breaks? We have proved for two years we can! Some party harder than others, but it is all in good fun. Everyone had fun, no one went to jail, I say this years ROB BASH 2011 was a success!