Day 52

This weekend has been a fun but very long weekend. It is true that to know who you are, you just need to look at who knew you when. And my friends from 6th grade on did that. This weekend was full of laughs and tears. Jokes and thoughts. My head is spinning with what I could have been and making me thankful for who I am. It was fun to hang out with old friends, who love you for you and nothing more. I learned an ex boyfriend from Middle school JM (who my parents hated) died by drowning trying to save his girlfriends son from drowning. This boy who when i knew him was rough around the edges, such a redneck but so sweet. He was always so sweet He had sweet eyes and a sweet soul. It drew me in. That sweetness always draws me in. R came to visit. Had not seen him since high school. Great friend.. always was. He told lots of stories on me that made me laugh and remember lots about who I was.. and who I still am. He mentioned MB who was basically my boyfriend through middle school with LOTS of break ups. He was a bad boy.. who was sweet.. He skipped school, smoked cigarettes, drank and kissed me a lot in the hall ways... A LOT. So R reminds me of how i was MB's girl and he was right I was. Everyone knew that. We were right up until the point where he had his sister break up with me on my families answering machine.. yep then I moved on to JM. So sweet but going no where.. then it all clicked. That is my issue. I always go for the loser, the boy who is sweet but troubled, who I can help fix and lift up. But a funny thing happened. As were were on one of our many trips to the beach. Mr. Beautiful aka SB aka CK and R were sitting next to each other. Both my friends. Both good boys and I adore them. And if you have read my pasts blogs then you know SB and I have a major attraction to each other. But regardless R represents what I am typically attracted too. Now R.. is sexy but in that bad boy, I have lots of tattoos, I smoke too many cigs, always looking for the next pay check or party, always have a beer in my hand.. where my hat side ways because I think it makes me look cool in a "I don't care" sort of way look. He has a deep southern voice which puts me at ease and just loves me for me.. as he always has. Thinks I am sexy but would never cross that line.Then I had SB who is sexy in a "I am grown up", I take care of myself, my kids, I am responsible, but remember when I was not, I work out too keep my figure (and care that I keep it) and am funny just in case you do not think I am sexy kind of sexy. Both boys are funny and good looking. Both are unavailable to me dating wise.. but sitting there , I chose SB who is the smarter choice. I found myself looking at him and thinking about what it would be like to date him. Not R.. am I finally growing up? I feel like I am. I think if it were a "you must choose one over the other" SB is the right choice. I definitely would never be bored.

Ok back to my weekend of ROB BASH 2011. My friends partied until 5am each night this weekend. I stayed sober and drove people around. I had fun and got lots of laughs. I did realize I never want to be that girl (again) who is dancing to random booty music or messing with girls boobs because I am so drunk I cannot control what I am doing because I think I am cool because people are laughing at me (not with me, but I am too drunk to care) girl. Because WOW were there some characters out there. I realized I am damn sexy and kept getting told so. Even one of Goobers friends hit on me. Funny since this guy is known for dating his friends exes.. The last one he dated for 6 years. The night must have hit Goober hard. He hung out with my friends most of Friday night and I think it took a toll on him. Good news I guess, is he still loves me, bad news.. he has done nothing to communicate this properly and still cannot support himself, so no action to be taken. So not sure what I am supposed to do. I cannot go back. There is no incentive for me to go back. I do not want that lifestyle on a regular basis. I like my quiet life. I mean, I loved going out and dancing. I did not love herding cats. I loved laughing with my friends, I did not love my car being trashed. I loved hanging out all night, I did not love not getting a full nights rest. I loved watching everyone have such a great time and I loved hosting. Everyone are such amazing people. We all turned out well. We all love each other even despite each of our minor annoying traits we all possess. It is nice being able to just be yourself and still be loved years later. Who says adults cannot have spring breaks? We have proved for two years we can! Some party harder than others, but it is all in good fun. Everyone had fun, no one went to jail, I say this years ROB BASH 2011 was a success!