Day 45

I am a hot mess. Some days I wonder why anyone would like me. Do you have that type of day? Where nothing seems to go right. People seem irritated with my mere presence. I say the wrong thing or in the wrong tone. I get told one thing.. then of course that was incorrect. People ask the silliest questions and no one is thankful for anything done for them. everything is so disorganized that I cannot keep everything straight. All I want to do is cry. But big girls do not cry. hahaha Right. If I am quiet people ask what is wrong, if i talk they do not like what i have to say. I feel as though I am damned if I do.. damned if I don't. But I do not have anyone to come home to that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Some days I miss that. I miss having that person to hold and tell me it will be ok without having to even say anything. Those strong hands and encompassing hug that made me feel safe and secure and loved. I do not miss that person who was there but I miss what he represented and I feel the lack of not having that person there. But I will put on my brave front and move forward since I am the only person i can depend on.

Breathe in .. and out.. in and out. I started off today so good. I got up and worked out 2 work outs.. i am super woman. I felt strong, I made it to work on time. Then my day began and I opened my mouth and all my insecurities came flooding in. Breathe in.. and out

Breathing helped :)