Day 46

Do you ever look at yourself.. know you need to change something about you. But find it is easier said than done? I do like my job. I do not like dealing with lots of issues, and being yelled at all the time. Which is what is happening at the moment in my job. I have a tendency to scream "URGH I HATE BLANK" most of the time that is all that is needed. Sometimes I elaborate ( I must stop this immediately) I have already stopped that in my life. I no longer go into long details about what is happening, I no longer explain why i had a bad day to people, because it only makes me negative and angry. I am trying to do the same with work. It is hard sometimes not to share why i think someone is not so bright. I need to STOP that being my first reaction. I need to stop, breathe then react. I know this. It is simple, basic stress relief 101. Why is it so difficult for me to implement. Why can I not be that happy sunshine Mary Poppins I am at 5pm-8:30am? I just want my happy side to show through always. I never want to be known as that girl who is angry. And because I have a small portion of me that does get angry and want to vent. I am becoming known as that. I must do better. I must try harder. I must get that back. I can do it right? Positive thinking wins out in the end right? I am pretty awesome. I am looking great, feeling great. So why does that not show through at work? My theory is I like to see end results. In my position I never can see an end. There is always another complaint, another email change, another email, another screaming client due to their disorganization. It seems to be getting that way in the office also, which does not help me. My stress comes from disorganization and wasting time. All of which I deal with between 8:30-5 every day. So moral of my story..

I need to buck up.
I need to smile more
I need to let the stress melt off my back
I need to keep my mouth shut

Wish me luck!

Sincerely,
Happy Sunny Mary Poppins