Day 50

You know when you just get a feeling, someone is not telling you the whole truth or lying completely? I have been getting that feeling a lot, from several people. I feel paranoid. I have no proof, i cannot call them out. Even though several things are pointing to what I believe. I just have to grin and bear it. I am not good at grinning and bearing it. I am not good at faking it. I know i should. I know people do not want to hear the truth. I like the truth. That way you know where you stand. No guessing, no wondering. Just the truth. "I like you but I do not want to date you" "You are really annoying me right now" "You are a fabulous person" " you make me smile" "you are a funny good hearted person" The truth doesn't have to be bad. Tell people when you think they are great.

I had to remind myself not to let others affect my mood. That is a hard. Your instincts tell you to react. To defend. I am not a retreated. I am a fighter. I work hard at letting go and just standing ground. There is a fine line. Some days I win the fight with myself and some days I lose.

I am at the year mark of my living a healthy lifestyle. WOW a year. seems like it is a million years. I look at pictures and my face is so fat. Now I am lean. I feel good. I have energy. I have will power. I know I can push myself to be better and succeed. I am a motivator and mentor and inspiration. I can do it, anyone can. You just have to be willing to work for it. To want it. To push yourself. Everyday I work out. Every day I count calories and struggle with "French fries or fruit?"

Push yourself. Never settle! You are stronger than you realize!