Technical issues

I am so sorry for the long pause in posts. I promise I have tried but the app keeps shutting down on me before I finish my post :(

So since the last post, I have had  a PET scan that I requested since when they wanted me to get one I was nursing and refused to not nurse my baby knowing i would have to give that up soon. .The guy at the time told me I would need to not have direct contact for 24 hours with the kids.  So my sister kept them for me. I got 9 hours of sleep that night which was amazing! But I paid for it as the kids were super clingy and wanted MAMA all weekend.. which I was happy to oblige, but it hurt daddy's feelings :(    Jax took it the hardest i would say. He regressed a bunch and dry nursed going to bed all this weekend. Which is a little painful for me but he soothed him, so I let him. he doesn't have much longer of having that option, and I did not have the heart to say no when i miss it just as much as he does!  My sweet first baby!  Cass also missed Mama and wanted just me for everything this weekend. I am definitely tired but loved all my snuggles.  I should get the results this week at my Oncologist appt that I have before chemo!

I had my gyno appt this week and she is being extra vigilant since I am ER+ and her2+ (Estrogen fueled cancer with a super cell that likes to replicate quickly)  it has been known to spread to uterus area so we are doing an ultrasound in Feb to make sure  nothing has spread.

This week I have been very very emotional. I cry at a drop of a hat. I am definitely freaked out over the double mastectomy. The loss of part of my body sucks. I am not sure I really am on board with removing the lymph nodes and the hardest part is the unknowns with post op and the kids.  The kids and I snuggle at night. We enjoy it, it makes us happy, I am not looking to change things.  It will be some restless nights once I am back home. 1. because they are super needy after we have been apart and 2. because I will be in slight to moderate pain and they are going to want to snuggle right where the incisions are. Will definitely be interesting. I keep saying, i do not want this to affect them but it is and will, which makes me cry. dang leaky eyes!

I need strength to stay strong!  Oh my sweet boys!  I am looking forward to knowing my results of my PET scan. I am actually being super calm about it.  I know it is what it is at this point. We will know if it has spread or if its going away. The best case is its all gone, worst case it has spread.. either way, we will deal with this!  

Have a fabulous day!

#fightinglikeagirl #wegotthis