Day 58 - 2012

Feast or Famine.. right?  I do not get the universe some times.  I either have no interest in ANY boys or I have multiple that fit me really well.  I do have one that is a front runner.  I really like B and have for over 6 years. He is such a sweetie, cute, funny funny funny and  confident.  I love how confident he is.  He is just an all around good guy.  I like that a lot.  So I guess it is good that I have others to distract me, so I do not get sooooo focused on him.  Need him to ask me on a date so we can officially start this courtship. At least this would be a courtship.  Call me old fashioned but I miss being courted.  I miss the days of dating and getting to know someone slowly.  We have mutual friends, we like doing similar activities and we both want someone a lot like the other and (yes another and) we have both had crushes on the other from the minute we met. I get that za za zu feeling when I think of him, ah butterflies in the tummy, heart racing, smiles that stay on my face long after his thought has vanish.  I want to see where this takes us, which is why he is the front runner.

But then I have my sweet Asian boy that does court me and gives me butterflies and ends up in my dreams, never pressures me physically and we have so much history.  I love how we are so close as friends and have been for over 8 years.  I honestly cannot imagine my life without him.  But I also cannot imagine a life with him as a spouse.  We are great when it is us.  But our lives do not mesh well together. I think he realizes it too, which is why we have only kissed and not pushed us to go farther.  We are comfy together. We are very attracted to the other, but I think we both know that it will not go farther than really good friends.  If I close my eyes I can smell his smell, and I smile.   I get really emotional thinking of him. So many reasons to date him and so many not too.   His communication skills need improvement.  He shuts down when he is upset.  I need someone who talks to me, tells me what is going on.  Though he has taught me a lot.  I know he is in my life for a reason and I am thankful he is.   I wish I could be the girl for him. I wish our lives meshed together.  If only we could move to some deserted island. But alas, that is not feasible.

Then we have a newbie to the group.  He is really nice and we have gone on 2 dates.  the 3rd got canceled due to my migraine.  Though he is  not very aggressive. He goes MIA for days, which is fine, since I really am not that enthralled by him.  Very nice, but another one of I think or lifestyles will not mesh and we have that nasty businesses of us living 30 mins apart and frankly I am not driving all the way to the beach, so he may be on his way out.  Who are we kidding, he already is.

THEN... we have A.  A and I have been friends for 10 years.  He knows me better than anyone.  The attraction between us is super hot.  I can close my eyes and feel  his breath. He listens to me vent, he listens to be happy, he is always there and loves me no matter my mood or size of my body.  He thinks I am an amazing person and tells me ALL the time.  Catch.. he lives 3 hours away, with neither of us wiling to move.  He has asked me to marry him on occasion, but again 3 hours difference. If I really think about it honestly, he is where he needs to be.  He has a girl right now that adores him.  Part of my likes knowing I am the one that got away from him.  Had only he stepped up years ago.  But he didn't and that is why we are were we are now. I need someone who steps up and can put me in my place. He has the putting me in my place part.. not the stepping up part.

I also have little J who is so sweet but I am not interested in at all.  So I have to constantly keep my distance from him. His is a boy who has a crush on an older woman (yes I am the older woman.. who would have thought I would ever be saying that??)

SB is always around, but I am keeping that as friends only.. crushes are good right?  Plus let's face it.. he is a slut baby and no matter what he says, that is what he is.  He is needy, and emotional and confusing.  He is a hot mess that does not want to admit he is a hot mess.  At least I admit it!

I feel like I am missing someone. Hmm  well must not be that important.  So you see I have lots of choices, though one that I really would like to see progress as he would be an excellent partner and would make life even more fun than it is now. I love to laugh, he loves to laugh and we both are not afraid to make a fool out of ourselves for a laugh.  So we shall see if he steps up, as he is confident... now I need to see a step up.

Step up or move on .. that is my theme lately  :)

So hopefully the feast will die down to one yummy one.  We shall see.. only time will tell!  At least life is not dull!