Day 57 - 2012

This morning I woke up before my alarm.  Went by this new bagel place "Bagel Love" and picked up bagels for the office and an egg, cheese and avocado sandwich on an everything bagel for me (DELISH)  Love love love having a locally owned bagel place again!  The bagels are so light and airy. Totally made my morning.  Especially after waking up to a very clean house and no pee from a certain older dog, which means he slept all night.. which makes me happy.  Poor guy. He was snoring like an old man last night. So cute!  I do love him!  Hard to believe I have had him for 9 years.  And wow what a fun 9 years it has been.  We have had lots of ups and downs but I have never doubted his love for me.  He definitely loves his Mama!

I am feeling a little bad this morning.  I have a friend who I know likes me.  He has had a crush for years.  At a time of weakness and drunken stupor, I did kiss him but it has been years and he still is holding out.  He comes over most days to say hi.  Usually he is quiet about his liking me, but last night he was very vocal.  Wants to take me out to dinner.  Wants to try to move this forward.  It will not happen.  He is a very nice guy, there is a slight attraction but not enough for me to want to move forward.  He is much younger than me, not stable, has a slight drinking problem and is friends with ALL of my exes friends.  All of which I do not want in my life for  a partner.  I am happy right now.  In a really good place, I really do not need a detour back to a life I have worked so hard to get out of. I feel bad for this guy.  He wants a girl like me so badly, but he just does not get he needs to be the kind of guy a girl like me wants.  He tries to do what he thinks I want which makes me more repelled.  When he doesn't try he is awesome to be around.  I can never let my guard down around him. I am always aware of my body language, anything I say, anything he says.  I try to always act in the best way possible so that I do not lead him on.  I know he is frustrated because I felt that way with SB.  I had a crush, he knew it, he has an attraction but we  both know it would not work.  So friends it stayed.  But with this little boy he has yet to grasp that we are not moving forward.  It is friends or nothing. I just cannot move backwards.  I need to continue to move forward.

(On a really side note.. I love love love Taylor Swift.  She makes me so happy!)

I am so glad I have been able to get myself out of the funk I was in.  I think everyone goes through things, but it is a testament when you can pull yourself out. When you look in the mirror and do not like what you see or how you have acted and are able to say that you want to change and do it.  It is so easy to be negative and gossip and just not be nice.. it takes effort to not gossip and to think about the positives out of the situation.  Yes I fail some days, but most days I win and that to me is freaking awesome!

Have an amazing day!