Emotions

Yesterday I was good!  My emotional state was amazing. I knew in my heart I was going to beat this thing.  I was positive, at peace, ready to tackle this head on.  I was told by multiple people how I amazed them with my attitude and how I was handling this. 

Today is a day after a core needle biopsy of my lymph node and I'm in pain. I also made the mistake of looking at survivor breast cancer group posts which frankly are depressing.  I had not even thought about the cancer spreading to other lady parts.  The kind I have could easily move on down. That thought scares me to my bones.  Not because I'm having more kids but because the recovery for a hysterectomy is long and I can't pick up my kids   That makes me more sad than anything.  My husband will be fine if anything happens to me. But my kids. Oh my my. The thought of them not having me, oh wow makes me cry and cry a lot.

Today at this moment is bad but I know I'll rally.  I just need Thursday to get here so I know what I'm dealing with and the game plan. I do know that looking at the chemo port pics, that's going to hurt :-(? I hate that this is taking me from enjoying my boys the way they deserve to be enjoyed and played with. I miss feeling  happy al the time. I know happiness is a choice and I refuse to let this bring me down   I will prevail!  Right now. I'm sad. But later I'll be okay