Chemo port

Just found out my chemo port is being put in tomorrow. Shits getting real! I won't Lie I broke down in tears. I held my boys tight along with monkey and cried, hard.  This shit is so scary. I know I'm doing what I need to in order to beat this but goodness this shit is scary.  I literally will meet with oncologist then go straight to hospital for outpatient surgery for the port. If I'm right chemo will start friday or Monday. I cant keep bouts of tears from coming.  They come randomly and with force. The thought of never nursing my babies again is a lot to take in, the thought of dying is unbearable. The thought of being sick and not being the mom I want to be makes me sad. Oh the emotions. Shit is definitely getting real. My poor 2,month old will be forced to take a bottle after only knowing how to nurse. He is a good nursling too!  His cuddles at night help me sleep soundly. And my sweet toddler. His demanding to nurse is as irritating as it is cute.  His snuggles are so sweet and His kisses make everything better!  I know the chemo is a necessary evil but goodness it just knocked me to my knees., I had a sweet sleeping baby in me when I got the news I had to be in pre op in an hour and I live an hour away. Good times!

Off to see the wizard!