Doing the right thing is sometimes the hardest thing to do. I am struggling with a few of my must do the right things at the moment. Right now I know that I need to let L go. I know that I need to let him go for him to let go of me. I know he has tried over and over and I have tried over and over. But there is just something magical that happens when we are together. We get lost in each other. Lunch could last for hours, hanging out could easily last all night, if only we did not have other obligations, other lives that did not involve each other. If somehow our lives could mesh easily. I giggle as I think about us. We both like things to come easily and when we are together it does, but when we are away, it does not. I need both. He needs both. It is hard not contacting him. He keeps me company throughout the day. Fun witty banter. I miss that. I miss him. Let go.. let go let gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Easier said than done. You would think I would be getting better and better at that, but NOOOOOO I am not. I have let go of friends that really are not friends. I have let go of loser boyfriends, though for some reason I still am attracted to the losers. Why? who knows. Maybe it is something to fix, maybe I have serious self esteem issues so I go after ones that will worship me? Sounds like I need a therapist or another blog post. I think this is so hard, because there never is a conversation about why, we both just fade off into the oblivion, only reaching out when the need for the other is so strong that we cannot resist reaching out. Is it because then it would be final? There would be no excuse, we both would know. Why can neither of us bring ourselves to say what the other is thinking? Hope, fantasy...... a combination of reason...... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. It is the right thing to let him go. I need to believe that. I need to believe he will be happier with someone who fits in his life. here I am writing this post instead of putting him out of my mind. In a way I am hoping this will help me let go.
I am also trying to turn my cheek a lot lately. I am trying to take the higher road, as that is the right thing to do. What I want to do to, is tell a few people off and offer then to put their face in my hand. But I will not. I will smile and take the higher road. BOOOO higher road. I want to be a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum. I want to jump up and down and scream " I do not want tooooooooooooooooooooooo" can you picture it? I can.. I can totally see it. But I will not.
Pretend to clink a glass with me and say, " I will take the higher road, I will do the right thing."
No comments:
Post a Comment