A double mastectomy kinda hurts

Oh I'm sure you realize a double mastectomy hurts. It's not so much the "biigggg booboo" as my son says, but this annoying I got beaten up sore with a little numbness and a little over sensitive areas that really don't feel good when the baby pinches them with his little pinchers ( those things HURT).

I'm two weeks out (when i started this post I am not 2 and a half weeks out) and it still pains me to hold the baby. I'm exhausted easily. mentally I'm way better. starting to be comfy in my own skin. I cleaned out my bathing suit and lingerie drawers. that helped me a lot! I also cleaned out the closet too!  So many clothes went bye bye!

Mentally each day is a little better. each day I'm learning to love this new me but there are moments that hit you and you cry in the shower. It's the baby shimming down so his head is on my soft tummy instead of my now hard chest so he can nap, that makes you tear up.  It's hard relying on others to help you do day to day tasks. It's not being able to pick up my baby because he's a chunky monkey.  then sweet moments like your husband telling you that you are still beautiful and each day it looks better. Or that he saw a pic of you after you gave birth to your 2nd son and that you looked so beautiful there. I started back work a few hours each day. It has been good to get back to a somewhat normal routine, but goodness I am exhausted.  For some reason, napping, is hard for me. Like really really hard. My mind doesn't shut off. It has been nice resting though. I lay in bed in the quiet. I catch up on DVR or read a book or meditate. I have also started back working out. I am doing the re-bounder (mini trampoline) 10 mins a day and then have been doing either Spin bike for 20-30 mins I am going to try to start back to Country heat since it is 30 mins and line dancing, so I do not have to use my arms if I do not want to but i can if I am up for it.   That will help me!

Each day is better. Each day I am able to have more movement and pick up the baby for longer at a time. Each day I am able to look at myself and feel pretty. But they do not explain well enough how limited your motion will be and how weak you will be. They try to explain things after your surgery when you are all drugged up and cannot remember (that is a huge help let me tell you), but before surgery, it really is not told to you exactly what will happen to you after surgery. No one talks about the mental aspect, the helplessness at your weakness and more. Kinda crazy!

But, I am doing better and that is really all that matters!  Hope this blog post will help someone at some point!

Much love
Jamie
#fightinglikeagirl
#wegotthis
#byebyecancer
#youpickedthewronggirl