I am growing up

I decided the other day I want to go to school. Poor Mama is now rushing to get me into somewhere. She said she didn't know where but we would find a place!  She also already applied for the Kindergarten school i want to go to.   I also have been able to manage my emotions and temper lately. I have had about the same meltdowns as Mama so I know I am doing something well!  Mama is really good about helping me through the meltdown. I have been doing that for CB too!  He cries, i help him or say I am sorry while hugging him. Mama says it makes her heart happy. She is silly!

I am growing up fast!  I love hanging out with my friends. My fave color is red. I can count to like 100, I know my abcs  and am starting to read a little.

I own my own house and have a friend Max that lives there with all of our animals. it is 10 far away.   It is also bigger than mamas house. It is two stories. Mama has not visited yet but that is okay, as I have 2 moms and 2 dads that live there. That way i always have my mama!

Mama is going away for a work trip. This makes me really sad. She is working with me to not be so sad even though she said she was sad too. She is going to miss us like crazy!  We are sure going to miss her too!  She is the best!  I love love love her!  Even when I get mad i still love her!  She always says she is sorry, always hugs us and always tells us how much she loves us!

Off to go swim!

Much love
~JB

Fake it until you Make it!

I have a motto. It is not a new one to most of you. It is "Fake it Until YOU Make it!"  Seriously!  It is that easy. 

Let me back up. So you have decided you want to find happiness from within because you realize that is the only way to be happy. But how do you begin? How do you go from your current self to a happy version of yourself? 

Well the first thing is making the decision that you want to be happy!  That is huge!  So I made the decision, now what?

Well, next, you need to carve out some me time.  Read "Miracle Morning"  Any version of that book that speaks to you. I have The first one, and the parent/family one and the marriage one. They all have a common theme. You have to work on you, and then the rest falls into place.

An easy way to begin, is as soon as your eyes open, start flooding your head with things you are grateful for.  'Oh Jamie, I have nothing in my life to be grateful for. I have blah blah blah"  Sorry to tell you, but you are not right. I do not care how bad you think your life is, I promise you, someone has it worse!  Right now there are moms with newborns who are homeless, There are people living in war zones fearing for their life. There are kids that are sleeping outside on the ground because they have no where else to go. I promise you, I can find way more examples of things being worse than what you are going through.

Soooooooooo flood your head with positives. Start your morning stating what you are grateful for. Start small, "I am grateful I woke up." "I am grateful I have a roof over my head" "I am grateful for how my kids love to hug me" and keep going.. just flood your mind with how awesome your life is. Eventually create this into your morning routine and evolve it, until then, Fake it until you Make it!

Next, you are going to have negative thoughts come up, or negative people in your life. For your thoughts, as soon as that negative one starts, stop yourself and think of the positive of the situation. I had cancer but I was able to see so much good in others that I never would have seen without cancer touching me. I look younger than I did before chemo, YAY my cells reset themselves :D  Oh a tree just fell on my house, well I have been wanting to renovate, now i can!  No matter what is happening you can find a positive, you may have to look hard but you can find it.

Now dealing with a negative person.... This is where you "Fake it Until you Make it"  You put on a smile, and you do your best to keep smiling even if this person drains your energy with their darkness. You never know how you will touch their life by being happy, even if you are faking. Also, limit your time with them.  That will let you rebuild your energy so you can be a positive beacon of light for them!

Next, smile at every person you meet or pass and say "Hello"  Small gestures but the more you smile at others, they more they smile at you, and the happier you become. So Fake it until you make it... smile.. wave.. move on.. eventually it will be 2nd nature.

Start working out, even if its just walking around the house. Working out will distress you which will make you happier!  Meditate if you are so inclined, some people like prayers, whatever helps you do it!


These are merely suggestions. Please read any of the Miracle Morning books to assist you in getting a good morning routine. Once you get that in place to having me time and framing your attitude in a positive helpful way, everything else seems to fall into place!

And remember, you can always Fake it Until YOU Make it!

Much love!
Jamie

Things that help me be happy!

I have been very horrible at blogging lately. guess it is a good thing I do not have thousands.. or even hundreds of followers. In fact I am not even sure why some of you read this.  But I am doing amazing on this happiness journey.  Here are some things I have noticed:

I am starting to see where I have more and more control over me.
This is amazing!  I will start to react and, my upper brain kicks in to let me know that i do not have to react that way. I still fail some days and the lowers brain pushes right through that upper brain like a Mack truck. BUTTTTTT I am noticing more quickly and am able to stop the lower brain and let the upper brain do its work.   I have noticed a change in the oldest too.

I am starting to set my self up in a positive light for any encounters that I think will be uncomfortable or negative or just ehhhh.  If I know a certain person usually makes me feel like a dark cloud has surrounded me, then I have to totally talk myself up. 'You are happy, you are golden, you are not going to let others moods effect yours... you got this.. smile, laugh, be yourself, be a light.. shine that light, you got this"  Say whatever you need to in order to keep you.. good.....

I am giving the kids a chance to talk before I assume.  I hear kids screaming, baby is hurt. I do not assume the oldest hurt him, its probably what happened, but let's talk and find out. 'Hey Oldest, what is happening in here.. why is baby crying... did you see what happened?'   Oldest: "oh Mama, i was trying to help him, and I picked him up and he didn't like that"

And that is what happened, however, if I screamed from another room or didn't approach it as a fact finding mission and started accusing, I would have gotten resistance, maybe a 2nd meltdown, he would have been defensive. .it would have ended badly. Even if he was at fault, he now will freely admit "Oh I bite brother because he wouldn't let me play with that toy" Oh well what could you have done instead... "oh I could have used my words, I am sorry"  Either way, we are talking calmly, which makes for a very happy household.   I mean I do not like being accused of stuff even if i am at fault, so i totally get it.  There will be enough people yelling at them in their life. I want them to learn right from wrong, and talk through what we could have done better. I think those are huge life lessons that get missed when we yell, spank, or "punish" instead of talking, finding out the root of the issue and if we need to set up some discipline  rules. Discipline means to teach.. which i love!


I have a choice. That is right, I have a choice. I can choose to be annoyed, irritated, mad, sad or HAPPY.  I am  never going to love someone 100%, but if I focus on their positives and not the negatives, then I am  much happier and the negatives do not seem so big.   See, you always have the choice to be the bigger person and even if you want to strangle someone  you can easily smile and be courteous if you have to  interact. You do not have to drive through a construction area, if you know that if you get stopped you are going to get mad or irritated, take a different path or if it surprises you , take a deep breath and focus on these people are doing their job, not personally trying to get you. It truly is your choice.  Even with my kids, I do not have to talk on their meltdown, or get mad at them if they do something wrong or make a mistake. I can take a deep breath and let them know "I am really upset right now, I just need some time to cool off, please let me walk away or please just come hug me, until i calm down" whatever I need, I can communicate it. This has also helped to a happier household. The kids even the baby are starting to communicate their needs. It has been amazing to see. I always have a choice, you always have a choice!  That helps me a lot!

What are some things that help you stay happy?

~Jamie

Sick weekend, with littles

This weekend was challenging. I am including, the Thurs and Friday before and the Monday after the weekend in this.  The boys were, are,  sick. I was under the weather. It was crummy!  The boys would not stop crying and both needed me to hold them. I was over touched, all my senses were in hyper-drive and I just wanted to sleep.  The kids were off their rockers most weekend, pushing my triggers, pushing me to the brink of insanity. It wasn't pretty. I yelled most of the day Friday. It was not my finest moment as a person or mom. I cried, I apologized, i held babies as they melted-down,  it was a rough weekend.   Happiness was teetering. I was walking that tightrope and did not know which way I would fall. Thankfully, I fell on the happiness side. I hugged babies, I forgave myself when I failed and I kept trying!  I even laughed, when the kids got out of ear shot, as they were nuts on Monday.

Here is my Monday night run down. Now keep this in mind, we only have 2.5 hours before we climb into bed. The oldest did not connect as soon as we walked in the house, which needs to happen. Then I jumped into, giving them a snack, making dinner, calling my bestie who just got a new job while i cooked. see that last bit, that is where the night took a turn. To get my attention, the oldest would steal ingredients. Now usually all of these things that I am about to tell you about, would have triggered me yelling or getting mad. But I knew he didn't feel good, he misses daddy and he wasn't connected to me.  So i take them back and nicely remind him we do not steal items.   Next we have the smooshed banana, that then got thrown around like a monkey, floor, walls, as i am taking him to wash his hands he is trying to hit everything. I was able to get him to calm down and help clean up, but then we spilled some cleaner, then water, and it was a water slide show until mama could grab towels. I got them to the bathroom to see all the toilet paper on the floor.. and then to the bedroom to see all the sheets on the floor... i asked them to clean up and make the bed which they did, then the baby accidentally got hit with a hair dryer as his brother lets it swing from the door as he yelled out "watch out" and then when it hit his brother "Mama I told him to watch out, he didn't watch out" I had to turn around to keep him from seeing me laugh. See I had a choice, I could get mad or I could stay happy while helping them with the next course of action. By the end of the night, we were able to talk calmly and get down to "I missed you today and really wanted you to play with me"  Well let's communicate next time please?  I would have missed that connection had I gotten mad or yelled. I am glad I handled everything with grace and calmness. They were able to help clean up messes and we got to bottom of the issues. This morning was amazing!  Hoping for a good night tonight too!

I was very down on myself Monday morning for losing it on Friday, but I was able to turn it around, which in return helped me help the little's through their meltdowns.  No matter where you are, you can always turn it around.  Cry, say what you need to, in order to pull yourself back up and try again. It is okay to fail. It is not okay to stay down. Get up, do better, choose happy!

What is one of your recent wins?

~Jamie

Different Perspectives

My hubs works out of town during the week, so weekends are especially important to us. The comical thing is, we are two very different people. What makes him happy, isn't usually something I would chose and vice versa.   This past weekend, ee had our anniversary day date. It is our little tradition, as we have small kids. So doing a day date is always better for us. The caveat to that, is there isn't always a lot to do on a week day in a small town. We did not plan anything.  I am a girl who likes plans. I like to dress for what we are doing. It makes me super happy.  He knows I get hangry, so he fed me first, one of my fave little places to eat!  Then we did something that made him happy, shopping.... I do not like shopping, i know I am a girl, i should, but I do not. I kept a smile on my face and even chose to say "let's go into two more places".  He knows I do not like shopping but instead of making him totally miserable while he was doing something he loves to do, I made him happy!  Which started out our weekend in an amazing positive position.

We tend to cram a lot of things into 2 short days. I have learned with small kids, if they are tired or hungry, nothing you can do will reason with them. I tend to stay on top of making sure they sleep and get food, to ensure less meltdowns which in return means daddy stays in a good mood and mama doesn't lose her shit :D  Then during the week, the kids and I melt back into a zen zone of calmness and staying home to re-charge. We have also been able too lately, get daddy to have a zen Sunday, which is very hard for someone who likes to go go go or crash.  I have learned that tending to our basic needs and making sure those are filled, help create a good base for a happy life.

Sometimes, we need to open our eyes, to see others needs, and wants. I may not be hungry but the little's may be or hubs may be.   I constantly check in with them "are you thirsty, are you hungry, do you need to pee"   The answer for me is always thirsty and always need to pee and I am usually hungry.  but it isn't about me. I can control me and my attitude, but i need to help guide the boys!  It is hard for someone to stay angry or in a bad mood if the others around them are happy and their basic needs are met.   This weekend could have gone bad in a lot of ways. Had my attitude changed at all, then I would have effected my families attitudes. By keeping myself in check and making sure my buckets are full, I was able to help everyone around me stay happy, feeling loved and of course well fed :D

Little changes create BIG results!  Never underestimate small changes!

What small change can you make to help make your life happier?

~Jamie

When you have to talk it out....

Today is hard. Today is one of those days that I had a few wins and then one person tries their hardest to suck the life out of you. They do not mean too and you cannot escape them but sometimes they drain you. That was the day today.

The good part is, even though my feelings were hurt and I cried A LOT!  I stayed calm,  and never raised my voice and by the end of a lot of back and forths, I was apologized too!  That right there would never have happened, had I  yelled back or shot off comments. It happened because I was finally able to stay calm and let the other person realize why i was feeling hurt.

Some days you have to talk it out. And this is always good!  Communication, effective communication, is never a bad thing. Even if the other party doesn't stay calm, you can. You can always breathe, think, and not react. It is hard but with practice, it helps communicating with those who do not communicate well and helps get your point across subtly where they usually will be like "Oh now I see"

This is still a struggle for me. I am usually patient up to a point then I am just done. If I yell it usually means, I have had enough, or I reacted to a trigger. When that happens, it is okay.  I do not beat myself up. I do learn from it. I do remember what triggered me. Life is full of lessons, and losing it, is just one more. So is effective communication.  We are not mind readers so communication is key in any relationship!

Do you struggle with communication and confrontation?


~Jamie

Zen Weekend

The kids and I had the best weekend!  Mama only lost her shit one time in the middle of the night, the kids only lost it a few times, it was a total win win weekend.  We had a lot of wins this weekend! 

Friday, we went to go walk to drop off little bit with my sister. Before we left, I cleaned yogurt off the stroller, twice. Yep, twice!  I didn't get mad. I didn't yell, I just scooped up the crying baby and let him know he was okay and we would get him changed, I empathized. I cleaned up the mess and looked at the clock, still somehow with a smile, and then I thought, Oh no, i don't have time to walk,  which started to make me sad and frustrated. I immediately recognized this and choose to smile and go ahead and walk. I am sooooo glad we did!  The kids and I sang songs, and the fresh air was amazing. The oldest decided he was going to stay with me, so we came home and cleaned the garage, like deep cleaned. It looks like a different room!  It is amazing!  The chaos is gone and it is a zen feeling room! Then we cleaned the car out, then we washed it, then we cleaned the house!  Our house smelled so good and we were so tired but we were soooooo proud of ourselves for just doing it!  What seemed overwhelming Friday morning, was such an accomplishment and I got to do it with my 4 year old!  That makes me super happy!  But that day was filled with the oldest melting down a few times and me having to really choose to be happy.  We had a moment at the store where were were there for about 10 mins with him just sobbing into me. Thankfully we moved the last 5 mins out to the car so we could sit without everyone watching. It has taken a lot of time for me to get a thick skin not to care what others think, but it isn't that thick... I could have carried him out of the store kicking and screaming and may have dropped him, instead, I got down on his level, empathized, and was able to get the crying to stop long enough for us to get back to the car where it started again but this time in a "mom you are my safe space way"  Had I handled it differently, I would have missed that key moment that he needed a connection from me with and boy am I glad I did not miss that.  We sang all the way home and he told me I was the best mama ever!  That was nice

Well Saturday, we had some road blocks, but we did not let that get us down!  We chose to make the best of the weekend and we did!  We made so many memories and had so much fun!  I was able to ride through meltdowns to the other side, with grace, patience, and was the rock my babies needed. I was able to through negative thoughts away and keep away from those who bring negativity into our lives!  I simply stated we were busy but thanks!  it was much needed!  Sunday after getting outside all morning we snuggled up in a dark cold room and watched movies and played games!  

It was a perfect weekend with my littlest loves!  My attitude helped theirs! It was amazing to see!  

Even the littles loved the weekend. Zen Mama, Zen Kiddos!

Hope everyone has a zen week!  

What is the latest perfect weekend you can remember?

~Jamie