Chemo #4 is around the corner. "How do I feel?", seems to be the question of the hour. I feel tired. It is the odd tired. Where your body is just exhausted, and your mind is moving 200 mph through what all needs to be done, who needs calls back, thank you cards to write, what you missed at work, will you get through this, how much you love your kids and much much more. It feels at times I am looking at myself from above me. I know it is me, I see a version of me in the mirror, but it isn't the me i am used too. It is very surreal. I am asked how I am. I am okay. I would love to say, "Great" all the time but some days at that moment when asked, I just want to say, "great!" The sad looks when people see I have cancer, the tears in someone's eyes or vibration in their voice when they ask how i am or when I am honest about how I feel, is sometimes too much to bare. They expect me to say not good, but I want to be normal. I want to be great. I want my kids to have the mom they deserve. I want to be at my fullest potential. i want to be a good wife to my husband. I want to be great! Today i am tired but great. I truly am. I am used to being tired. I feel like even without cancer I would be tired because I would be up nursing an infant. I am nervous about chemo #4 but I am good. I am anxious at times, but then I am good! It comes in waves. So if I tell yoiu I am great! Trust me, at that moment I am! No sad eyes, no sad voice, just know, at that moment I believe it. Chemo 4 may be coming for me, but I am coming for it! just 3 more TCHP cocktails and then I am off to just Herceptin! The one drug in that mix that I need to kill this and which will help me be able to say i am great a lot!
here is to feeling great!
#fightinglikeagirl #wegotthis #todayiamgreat
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