Should've, Could've, Would've are words that only hurt you. I should have done xyz; I could have done xyz, If I had know ____ I would have done xyz. I catch myself saying these sometimes and then I think to one of my dear friends who said,"Should've, Could've, Would've only hurt you and make you feel worse." She is right. The choices you made then, made you who you are now. Looking back, sure you see things clearer and differently. At least you should. You should have learned from your past mistakes. If you cannot look back and have a 'Should've, Could've, Would've' moment, then you do not own your mistakes. Owning them hurts sometimes. But hopefully you learned from them as well.
Yesterday I had a friend tell me that another friend asked about my husband and if he was a good person. She said she told the person, "yes, as soon as you meet B, you know he is the one for her. He is a good guy, adores her, is funny and just a really good match." The other person apparently commented at my lack of good judgment in the previous relationship. To which I commented, 'Yes I made a terrible choice, I was in a bad place in my life, I was miserable with me and I clung to a guy for my happiness, which only made me more unhappy, as he was not the guy he claimed to be or wanted to be. He tried but he just was not a good person. I hung on for my own selfish reasons. I also learned a lot from that relationship."
I learned that only I can make me happy.
I learned that I cannot depend on anyone else for happiness.
I learned that I cannot follow a crowd, that I am much better off doing my own thing and being my own person.
I learned that it doesn't matter what others think, as they have not lived my life and have no right to judge my decisions.
I have learned that people lie even when they claim to love you.
I have learned a leopard cannot change its spots.
I have learned to stand up for myself. I have learned self confidence comes from within and NO ONE can take that away from you if you do not let them.
I have learned complete honesty and open communication is the foundation of any relationship. I have learned that I should love a person for who they are and not what they may be, as they may actually never be that person.
I have learned I cannot change someone, nor should I try, I must love the person in spite of their faults. I have learned to trust my instincts.
I have learned that how a man treats his mother is how he will treat me (if he lies to her constantly, than he will do it to me).
I have learned to date someone that you would be proud to have a son like.
I have learned never to co-sign on a loan for someone when you have nothing to gain.
I have learned I am an amazing partner and deserve someone who recognizes that and can be just as amazing back to me as I am to them.
I learned what makes me happy.
I learned how to deal with a teenager, in a grown mans body.
I learned who I was again and I well I really love her.
I learned that my past is not who I am, but a part of who I was, and that I am constantly changing for the better.
I learned that I love to laugh and do not care who is annoyed with my laughter.
I learned to not worry about what the Jones' have and focus on me.
I learned that money is not important, happiness is.
I learned to smile through the pain, as there is always something to smile about.
I learned to stand up for myself and that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was.
I learned that I am a much better version of me than I ever was with him.
I learned to keep my heart open to others and not let my past mistakes sneak into future relationships.
I learned that if I am not proud of who I am dating, than I should not be dating them.
I have learned so much more. I could go on and on. If I focused on the 'Should've, Could've, Would've' I would have missed all of those lessons and at one point I did miss those lessons. I had to go back for a 2nd round before I learned my lessons. I could dwell on that or realize that I did learn, even if it took me a bit. I finally learned. I may have lost respect from so called friends, but that is okay, as they were not my real friends. My real friends stood by me, knowing I would eventually learn my lesson. They praised me when I woke up from my drunken coma and started on my quest to be a better version of me. They supported my choices instead of criticizing me for my choices. They watched me grow as a person and a friend. They watched as I lost tons of weight, got back to 'me', and helped others with their fitness goals. They loved watching me so happy, and they loved it when I met someone who made me even happier than I already was. They immediately saw what I saw in B and agreed he was the one for me. They loved that I finally was able to commit to my soul mate, my one true love. I am so thankful for my lessons and mistakes. Should've, Could've, Would've, would only have changed the path I was on and without that path, I may never have married B. Though is he far from perfect, he is perfect for me. He supports me and loves me more than I could ever have imagined. I am thankful for my past as they help me create an amazing future.
There will always be "Should've, Could've, Would've" just remember your past happened for a reason. Embrace it, learn from it and move forward.
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