Post 33, 2013 People Change

Most everyone changes in some way over the course of their lives.  Some people change for the better, some not so much.  Some people are constantly changing. Some people cut people out of their lives for changing.  I think change is good, if you are constantly trying to improve yourself.  It took me a long time to realize that only I can make me happy. I went through years of being a miserable person and making others around me miserable.  I feel HORRIBLE about this, as at the time I had no idea. It took a sweet friend pointing it out, and many many  months years of me consciously  thinking about what i was saying or how I was acting, to begin to change myself. It took even longer for me to realize I would never be the person I wanted to be if I kept comparing my life to others and what others had.  My life is not their life.  I do not know the trials and tribulations they go through, and really people did not need to know mine. I went from the person who shared EVERYTHING, to someone who kept her mouth shut and listened. It was hard.  It was a very long process.  Eventually I was able to not share that horrible thing that happened and to be that graceful, gracious, positive person I wanted to be.  I found that if I did not talk about the bad things that happened in my day, then I did not relive them and the negativity no longer festered and got worse.  The negativity, slowly faded away, along with the memory of the day.  I do have my slip ups. I am not perfect.  But I do feel like I do a better job every day.  My goal is to be that person I see myself as before I have kids. I want them to grow up with a mom that is poised, gracious, fun, and positive.

I hope that as my life goes on, those I have hurt or offended,  whether it was intentional or not, realize that I have changed. I hope I get a second chance to prove that I am a better person than I once was. I hope that if those who offended or hurt me, if they have changed and come back into my life that I as well, will be open to giving them a second chance. That I will be gracious and give them kudos for changing and being a better person than they once were.  I hope that I am able to help others who need to change, be a better version of themselves.  Life is so much better, when you enjoy  yourself, and are just happy to be alive.  it is hard not to let others influence you some days, but most days, you can rise above and show them what it means to be truly happy.  Your light will shine and they have a choice to shine theirs or hide in the darkness.  I prefer the light!