Post 56 - 2013 Why is She Still single?

When I was single one of the most annoying questions I would get was, "Why are you still single?"  Um, let me get out my crystal ball and give you that answer.  Seriously?  "Well you are the perfect catch." Why yes, yes I am.  Could the answer possibly be that I am not looking for anyone and the right person just has not come along yet?  I mean, me being single was something that I was completely okay with. I even told more than one person, I have a great life, wonderful friends, a great job, I own my own house, I have animals who love me, I am really not looking for anyone. The right person will come along when they are supposed too and if they do not, that is okay too.  I had come to grips that I would never be a mom but I would be the most amazing Aunt EVER!  I took that job seriously. I babysat my friends kids and truly enjoyed having them in my life and watching them grow and love me as if I was related to them. I dated but never really found someone who got me. And well I am a handful, so if you do not get me then you will never be able to last around me. Yes I know I am a handful, my husband teases that he just holds on and enjoys the ride and hopes he doesn't fall off.  He is a brat!

When I was single, I did have standards, as when I lowered them I almost got married to the wrong person for the sake of getting married.  That was one mistake I never wanted to repeat. I looked inside and kept improving on me. I found out what made me happy and became a better person. I never let those people who asked me or their daughters, 'why I was still single' get to me. It was none of their business. I am a firm believer in fate and that all things happen when they should.   It happened for me when I least expected it.

Never let someone make you feel guilty or less of a person because you are single. Enjoy your single hood, embrace this time, learn about yourself and what makes you happy.  Be happy  and be happy alone.   I promise all that should happen will fall into place at the right time, whether it is you finding the one and living.. some days happily ever after, or if it is you being the best Aunt ever!  Either way, you will find your destiny!

Post 55 - 2013 Volunteering

I  love volunteering. I look at it, as not work but a chance to help others.  Even if it is watching someones child; helping someone to prepare for their wedding; taking food to a friend; or volunteering for an organization. I go in with a great attitude, and I get the most out of the day. I see people who volunteer who seem miserable and i often wonder, 'Why are they volunteering'  If you agree to do something, make sure you do it for the right reasons and if you are not, then do not do it. No one wants to be around grumpy people, especially when they are volunteering their time away from their family.  As well as no one likes for people not to show or be late when you know everyone is working in shifts and the first shift cannot leave until the 2nd shift gets there. It is rude and disrespectful.  If you are the offender, you are saying that YOUR time is more important than the person who is waiting for you. That leaves a very bad taste in the mouths of others, especially if you plan on leaving at a certain time and cannot due to others inability to make it on time or show up at all. Puts everyone in a bad spot.

Even with the cons, I find volunteering so rewarding. I feel good about myself, I am able to help the community or others, I meet people I never would meet otherwise, I have made some amazing friends who have the same interests as me through volunteering, I swear it feeds my soul and makes me a better more giving person.  Overall I would encourage anyone to volunteer. A day of volunteering for me, can make the entire day a good one!.

Get out there and do something for your community, and yourself!

Post 54 - 2013 Communicate, laugh and spend time together.....

My husband thinks I am crazy some days for how much I push for communication and time together. For us, we are such fiercely independent people, that we are very comfortable doing things alone.  But for me, I understand that we must do things together, even if it pains us at times (me watching gory horrible zombie movies, watching him play video games, or going to wal-mart), (for him, watching my crime shows, going for hikes or a nice restaurant).  I have had relationships where we did our own thing and it ended badly.  I never want that for us.  He teases me we like different things, but we do not on all things. I am happy to compromise and do things that I might not like to do, just to spend time with him. Though i am always surprised when he is shocked that we like some of the same things, when that is what brought us together in the first place.  Sure our FAVE things to do may not be the same as the other persons, but we both like things, I love my video games on the Wii..he is a play station guy.  Sure they are different but at the same time kinda the same. We both love to eat out, I just like the nicer or hole in the wall places and he like the chain restaurants. I love Target, he love wal-mart, though I go in with a mission and he walks around slowly and goes up and down every isle. For me I know I have soo many other things to do that I hurry though shopping so i can clean or do something more fun. We both are exhausted on a Friday night but I am happy to push through to spend time with him.  I think communicating, laughing and spending time together are uber important in any relationship.  It keeps us bonded.  I found this article that summed it up and made me feel even more strongly in my belief that we need to communicate, laugh and spend time together as a couple, even if we have busy weeks,, and hour here and there make me feel connected, being ignored because someone is tired does not.  Relationships are hard work and i am ALWAYS willing to put in that work for my Hubby because I love him and I love spending time with him.

Divorce Causes: The Top 5 Mistakes That Lead To Divorce

Posted: 04/24/2013 1:37 am EDT  |  Updated: 04/25/2013 11:59 am EDT

By Marina Pearson for YourTango.com
Having been divorced myself and gone through countless number of relationships that have not worked, I definitely know what mistakes to avoid to make the relationship work.

Below are some of the mistakes I've made and my clients have made that you should avoid:

1. You ignore issues as a couple. This is probably the worst thing you can do. Sticking your head in the sand around the issues you may have in your relationship is not the way to go. The unexpressed feelings will slowly but surely start eating away at you, and over a period of time, what seemed like small annoyances will transform into massive resentments. And then before you know it, you're hating your partner because you cannot put up with it anymore. I know this very well, as I have been there myself. Before my divorce, this is the exact state of denial that led to the demise of our relationship. I did not know how to express how I was feeling and my ex-husband simply didn't want to hear it. The problem got bigger and bigger, and before we knew it, we stopped trusting one another and the relationship broke down completely.

Instead, deal with issues as they come up. Just like when you clean your home, if you keep dusting away the cobwebs, you will create a consistently clean environment.

2. You don't work on the relationship. Somehow, we seem to think intimate relationships will run on their own fuel without putting much effort into them. This is simply not true! A relationship needs work -- just as a car needs fine-tuning.

At the very least, understand how relationships work; and at the very most, work on yourself and what you bring to the relationship. Healthy and fulfilling relationships happen from the inside out. I made this mistake and paid dearly for it. I kept wanting to change my ex-husband, thinking he was the problem, when in fact, it was me all along! Work on you first; learn about how relationships work and the rest will follow.

3. You don't learn how to effectively communicate. As I've already mentioned, good communication is one of the cornerstones of creating a fulfilling relationship. However, there's a right way to fight and a wrong way to fight. Resorting to "blame and shame" tactics will destroy any trust you've built and while it's a normal defense mechanism, all it does is result in the attacked spouse shutting down.

In my first marriage, I used this tactic all the time, which only caused heartache and disconnection. Learn to communicate clearly, listen intently and give yourself the time and space to do so safely. If not, divorce will be imminent.

4. You don't spend enough time together. One of the other cornerstones to any successful relationship is giving yourself the time to connect with one another. If you are not giving yourself the time to do this, then you will feel disconnected and distant.

This is also one of the biggest errors I made in my own marriage. Before I knew it, my ex-husband and I were completely disconnected and were living parallel lives, which exacerbated our differences as opposed to highlighting our similarities.

Go for walks together, put time in your calendar for a date night, go away without cell phones together. Talk, laugh and above all, create memories if you want to avoid going down the rocky road of divorce.

5. You don't delegate jobs. Living with another person can drive us insane. Messy people end up marrying neat people and unhealthy people marry healthy people. Whatever the scenario, there are going to be guaranteed differences in how two people live. What ends up happening is one person in a relationship feels resentful about the fact that they had to carry the load in their relationship.

For example, arguments about cleaning used to happen regularly in my household. Now, we just delegate the work to someone who loves doing it! She gets what she wants and we do too. Does it cost money? Sure it does. Does it save us time and arguments? Yes, and we'll end up saving on divorce bills too.

To avoid going down the rocky road of divorce, you will need to confront the brutal facts, learn to communicate properly, work on the relationship, spend time together and delegate the jobs you don't want to do to someone that does. It may sound like a lot of work, but it beats the heartbreak of signing divorce papers.

Post 53 - 2013 Happiness

Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

I saw this post on Facebook.. origins unknown but have seen these before and these are things I have learned over the past 4ish years as well and thought I would share with my fabulous readers.  Some are harder than others but all are things that if you give up, you will be truly happy.


Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT
There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”...Wayne Dyer.
What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. GIVE UP ON BLAME
Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life. You have the power to not let others effect you, so take ownership and stop blaming others.

4. GIVE UP YOUR SELF-DEFEATING SELF-TALK
Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS
about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. GIVE UP COMPLAINING
Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking. Plus no one likes a negative Nellie

7. GIVE UP THE LUXURY OF CRITICISM
Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO IMPRESS OTHERS
Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE
Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. GIVE UP LABELS
Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. GIVE UP ON YOUR FEARS
Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. GIVE UP YOUR EXCUSES
Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real. Admit you screwed up, do not worry about the reason why, and move forward.

13. GIVE UP THE PAST
I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. GIVE UP ATTACHMENT
This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.  I have been working on this for the past year and my house is so much less cluttered and I feel more free every time I get rid of items.

15. GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

Be your own person, learn to love yourself, give up material items, stop worrying about what others think, look forward not to the past, push past your fears and labels, embrace change, own up to your mistakes, do not make excuses or look to others for approval, you do not always have to be right, but you do always have to love yourself.  Figure out how to do that and you will be a very happy person!

Post 52, 2013 - Happy surprises

This weekend was a weekend full of laughter and some surprises.  I came home Friday to a surprise gift from a friend. Went out on a lovely date with my hubby, even though it was not at all what I had planned to do.

Saturday we woke up, I did my morning work out, then we went to have breakfast, though not at the place I had planned (sensing a theme?).  We did a little shopping, then I was able to take a nice long unplanned nap while he ran errands. Then the doorbell rang and it was a long lost friend who had disappeared from my life around 4 years ago.  That was a very nice surprise. She (C.) was able to meet my hubby, find out about chance passing away, and just talked for an hour or so before I had to get ready to go out for D's going away party, which C agreed to go with us.  We walked up to the Garage and had a very fun filled evening with lots of laughs and stories to tell. I stayed up WAYYYY past my bedtime thanks to my nice unplanned nap.

Woke up Sunday with a bad headache and still managed to work out while B was at the gym.  I was able to get some along time and clean the house while B went to find a church. I also was able to get my DVR down to 19% WHOO HOO HOO.

Fun filled weekend with lots of laughs, unplanned surprises and relaxation.  Could not have asked for a better weekend!

Post 51 - 2013 Qualities of a Marriage Worthy Guy

Some friends and I were talking the other night about qualities of a Marriage worthy guy and how our views changed from when we were younger, to right before we met our husbands.  Funny how that happens right?

When I was younger my list was quite extensive, though here are some exerts that I find comical:

Good looking
Has money
Makes me laugh
Likes to party
Drives a nice car/truck

Then after those guys do not last,  you lower your standards to basically breathing.  This is the worst mistake you could make. If you do not have some standards, then you are not respecting yourself and if you do not respect yourself how can you expect someone else to respect you?????  been there, got the t-shirt ( along with many of my friends). We wondered why we were not finding love, well duh!  We did not love ourselves.  Once you love yourself and set realistic standards, then you are ready for a marriage worthy guy.

My friends and I agreed on 3 top things that have to be there for a guy to be marriage worthy"

Has to be Nice - meaning nice to me and nice to others
Has to be able to provide a stable income
Has to likes me.

Really those three sum it up.  You need to be a good person.   You need to be a partner and bring something to the table and well you need to like me.

I will add a little more off the top three.  Of course there needs to be an attraction, but friendship goes a long way to making me attracted to you, so does being nice to others. Liking me includes, not lying or cheating and being able to communicate with me (or at least wiling too).

See most girls one day will wake up ( I did say MOST) and realize that the drop dead gorgeous guy with the nice abs, is usually an ass that will cheat on you, and not keep a job, nor be nice to his mother or anyone else for that matter. Their looks will fade. Most of them will end up fat from drinking too much and lose their hair. If you do not like their personality, you are screwed.   Looks are like carpets and drapes, you can change the clothes they wear, or the way they style their hair, you can even fix their teeth, you cannot change if a person is not a nice guy or is lazy, in considerate, would rather party than spend a night along with you. The guys that are you party buddies, do not make good boyfriends let along husbands (trust me I have been there). They are fun, the life of the party, but sooner or later they will be the old guy in the bar, as they never want to commit, as they are always looking for something that might be better or more fun than you. As soon as you want to stop partying, they are looking elsewhere. They are the ones that avoid their parents and responsibilities. They are very selfish and like to keep you hanging on.  These are not good guys and these are the ones you should stay away from.  I have one of my party friends who always wanted to date me, but I kept him at a distance.  I loved hanging out with him, there was a very intense attraction, but he annoyed the piss out of me when we were alone and sober, as he was a whiny, needy selfish boy. In a group, he was fun loving, cracking jokes, someone you wanted to be on the arm of. But in private his flaws showed and luckily I was awake enough to recognize that and keep us just friends.  He is still a great friend (and has been since 6th grade) and has found a girl who hangs on his every word, who isn't his normal 'standard' but will worship the ground he walks on and that is exactly what he needs.

Where I need someone who is equal and loves me as much as I love them. My guy may not be the guy every girl swoons after, but he is good looking to me, is the kindest man I have ever known, loves his parents, loves my parents, is a hard worker and makes sure I have everything I need, he thinks I am funny and loves hanging out with me.  I am glad I waited for a marriage worthy guy to marry!  He was totally worth my long wait!

So if you are still single, make sure you are in a good place and wait for that marriage worthy guy and DO NOT settle for someone who is not nice, who cannot provide and who doesn't like you.  You are worth more than that!! You deserve the nice guy who can provide for you and who well, likes you!

Post 50 - 2013 Bombs and a Marathon

Craziness, 3 bombs... maybe more.. 2 exploded.. at a marathon. what is wrong with people?  Why injure innocent people and innocent people who have worked their butts off (literally) to be in that race?


I just do not get it at all. Why can we all not just get along?  I am truly saddened :(

Post 49 - 2013 Apologies

In life, sometimes you do things that offend others, whether it is intentional or not. Sometimes we get overzealous, overeager, react to things in an incorrect and sometimes rude manner. Some people this does not bother at all.  Then there is me.  I agonize over it. I re-think the situation over and over to see if I could have done things differently.  Not I know I can never go back and do or say something differently, but there is one thing I can always do.  No matter how hard it is, how much it makes my stomach turn in knots, and makes me just want to crawl in a hole, I can ALWAYS apologize. It does not matter if I was in the wrong or not. If I was perceived to be in the wrong, I can still extend a heartfelt apology.  Every time I do this, I feel better. I feel lighter. I feel like I righted a wrong, even if it was a perceived wrong.  

Now I know there are people out there that HATE saying they are sorry and refuse even when they are in the wrong and know it. I will say to you, just suck up your pride and say 'I am sorry'.  Seriously, what is it going to hurt? You make someone else feel better and you feel better.  So what is so wrong with saying those 3 words to someone?  Why do you keep yourself from doing it, when you have NOTHING to lose by doing it.

I had to do it today. I had something happen this weekend that was not my intention, and I felt horrible that someone would think I was being rude when i totally was not trying to be.  So I apologized and they apologized and all is back right in my world.  I think if everyone just swallowed their pride more, and said a simple 'I am sorry' the world really would be a better place!

Post 48 - 2013 Spring Cleaning

This weekend my husband kept me very busy with Spring Cleaning.  Now grated I started it kinda of.. but once I got on a roll there was no stopping me. It all started on our Friday night date. We were talking about the house and what would make us more happy there.  Right now the state of the house is not one that I am happy with. The dogs ruined the  carpet so that got pulled up.  I have wood floors but those need to be refinished and look trashy at the moment (yes I said it.. trashy.. there is splattered paint, burn marks etc)  Now I detest carpet. DETEST IT. I feel like it never gets cleaned enough. It drives me batty!  But at this point I am tired of the wood floors, and cannot fathom  how to refinish the floors, as ALL of the furniture has to be out of the house for 48 plus hours to dry and no one can walk on the floors for at least 24 hours post refinish. Not sure how to do that with 2 dogs, a cat and 2 adults.  So I conceded to carpet in the bedrooms, hall and living room for now, since we have a husky that well sheds a lot and the vacuums just do not always get his hair up, plus we have the issue of them deciding to pee or poo on the floor. On the wood, no big deal.. on my carpet a dog may die (not really calm down).  So we talked through that and through that I really wanted the shelving unit that I have been using as a skirt/pants rack move to the dining room for storage of other things, like crafts, and tools, and candles and what not. (back story: I have been slowly decluttering since B and I were together as I have accumulated a lot of stuff over the years, some of which were past roommates stuff they left.)  SOOOOOOO I got home from dinner and started cleaning.

First I took all my fave clothes that are either a little tight or a little loose and put in a storage bin to put in the attic so that I do not look at them until I am ready for them again. Then I started on giving aways. I filled 4 large garbage bags of clothes off that shelf and threw away tons of things that were just in bins that have not been looked at in forever. I also filled an entire garbage bag full of purses I have collected over the years but NEVER USE.  I was able to put all my skirts and pants in bins in my closet.. total win! I went to bed exhausted but very happy with myself.

Then came Saturday morning. Started with my wonderful Husband wanting to go to breakfast, which I thought meant after my work out. I was wrong, so what did I do once I finished working out while he pouted... you guessed it I cleaned!!  As that is what I do when I am upset. I clean.  I was able to fill another 2 large bags full of clothes before I headed off to Target for some supplies. I came home to a cleaned off porch and some new things so we could throw some bulky old things away (well two new fold-able chairs so goodbye old wicker love seat).  We put the love seat on the street with my barely used 15 year old stereo, some shoe hanging storage thingies, a tivo, and who knows what else. It was picked up within 5 mins of being on the street.

By Sunday morning the entire house looked amazing, no longer smells like dog and is wayy more open :D

I love spring cleaning and i love my husband.  Now off to plan a honeymoon :D

Post 47 - 2013 Smashed Chickpea & Avocado Salad Sandwich

Smashed Chickpea & Avocado Salad Sandwich

Yield: Salad for 3-4 sandwiches

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Total Time: 10 minutes

This Smashed Chickpea & Avocado Salad Sandwich is a great quick and easy lunch option that is good for you too! The salad also makes a great dip!

ingredients:

1 (15 ounce) can chickpeas or garbanzo beans (I use Bush's Garbanzo Beans)
1 large ripe avocado
1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
2 tablespoons chopped green onion
Juice from 1 lime
Salt and pepper, to taste
Bread of your choice (I use whole wheat bread or  tortilla shell)
Fresh spinach leaves or other sandwich toppings: lettuce, tomato slices, sprouts, etc.

directions:

1. Rinse and drain the chickpeas. Place on a paper towel and remove the outer skins. You can leave them on, but I like to remove them.

2. In a medium bowl, using a fork or potato masher smash the chickpeas and avocado together. Add in cilantro, green onion, and lime juice. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.

3. Spread salad on bread and top with your favorite sandwich toppings. I like to add fresh spinach leaves.

Note: This salad also makes a great dip. Serve with cut up veggies, crackers, or pita chips. Also, this salad is best eaten the day it is made because it will turn brown due to the avocado.

Enjoy!

Post 46 - 2013 Advice to my 20 something self

Looking back there are definitely things I could have done better in  my 20's.  Hind sight is 20/20 right?  So I thought I would make a list of things that I did or would have made my 20 something self a better version of me and set me up for the future and helped stop a lot of grief that was had.  Maybe one day my nieces or my children will read this and learn from it. Maybe I will save this and print it up for them when they graduate high school. 

Do Not be Negative or a Complainer: Negative people or people who complain constantly are never fun to be around.  No one wants to hear others problems (that is why therapists are paid).  If someone asks how you are doing, smile and say fabulous. Complaining about your day/job/life only makes things fester and makes you more miserable. Plus no one needs to know EVERYTHING about your life. Learn to control your thoughts and mouth.  Choose to be happy and to think positive happy thoughts. Work may suck but you have a job while others may not. Think of those positives and your life will be much happier and my fulfilled. 

Don’t Make the Same Mistake Twice:   Everyone makes mistakes. But the point is to learn from that mistake. If a guy cheats on you or lies to you, leave and do not come back even if they say they have changed. They will almost  always go back to being the person they were when they cheated/lied. If you make a mistake at work, own up to it, and do your best not to do it again. DO NOT LIE about it, that makes it worse. People like people who can own up to a mistake and learn from it. 
     
Speak Up for Yourself: It is  important to learn when to stand up for yourself. If you get passed over for a promotion or you get the wrong order, ask why you got passed over so you can learn, say something so you  get what you actually paid for.  If you never say anything, nothing will ever change, and those negative things will build up and you will BLOW. Remember that you’re a strong, beautiful and independent woman, and speaking up for yourself is important in leading the life you desire.

Take a Compliment:  Part of confidence is knowing how to take a compliment. When someone tells you you’re beautiful, accept it and say thank you (and maybe even blush a little). Accepting a compliment unveils your confidence and comfort in your own skin, which is an attractive quality for a woman… That kind of self-assuredness can do anything from land you the perfect job to the man of your dreams.

You Don’t Always Have to be Right:   This one is hard.  I am stubborn and that stubborness got me in a lot of trouble. Learn  to set your stubbornness aside. It takes a lot of biting your tongue to learn this lesson, but you don’t always have to be right. You will come across situations where it’s incredibly hard to do, particularly when you know you’re right. But sometimes it’s best to save your relationship with that person (especially if it’s in the work place) than to hold the upper hand. Your 20s are a time to learn when it’s okay to stand up for yourself, but also understand the moments when you just need to back away.

Learn How to Manage Your Budget:  Track your money and if you have not already started, start saving. 
 Track your monthly income and all your ancillary(rent, utilities  fun money) costs can help you better understand what you’re spending so you know what you’re able to save. Get an app to help you (check out Mint.com). Start your 401K if a company you work for offers one, start putting in money even if it is 1% a little goes a long way if you start early.  A savings will help you when your car breaks down or when you go to buy a house!  Stay away from credit cards unless you can PAY THEM OFF FULLY EVERY MONTH. Credit card debt sucks and the interest rate will kill you.  Pay for things in cash at all times if you can. Only use a credit card to build credit by paying it off every month fully!

Interview Like a Boss: This is one thing i have always been good at doing.  Interviewing well is so important. It gets your foot in the door and sometimes into a position that you may not be exactly qualified for. Your 20s are a prime time to start your career and interviewing well is a key component to that process.  Even if you don’t land a job right away, if you are a good interviewer it can make a big impact since companies will often remember you months (or even years) ahead when another position arises.  Interviews are also important for networking purposes and building relationships across the business world. The bottom line? Take advantage of every interview now as it made lead to opportunities in the future! Walk in like you already have the job. Ask tons of questions about the company and position. And ALWAYS write a thank you note as soon as you walk out the door!

Keep Your Skin Young: While your skin might look great right now (this is what we call your “post-acne and pre-wrinkles era”), To keep wrinkles and damaged skin at bay, it’s important to always wear sunscreen and MOISTURIZE ! ALWAYS wash your face every night. Going to bed with your makeup on not only clogs pores; it dulls your complexion and can cause dryness or wrinkles. No thank you!

Cherish Your True Friendships: These years are usually filled with a lot of dating, a lot of love,  a lot of  broken hearts. It’s important to realize that guys will come and go, but a solid group of girlfriends will be there to help you through it all—forever, even after you fine 'the one"  Your girlfriends will be there to make you laugh or bring you soup when you are sick. . Don’t forego important friendships in lieu of a relationship… Create balance. Good friends are hard to find, and losing a bestie is harder than losing a guy.  I love the relationships I have had for 20 plus years. They know you, they love you even though they have seen you at your worst. Never ever think you are a "guys girls" guys only want to be friends to date you, no matter what they say. Find a group of girls that you are like and grow with them. 

Choose Your Friends Wisely: Friends will come and go. When you find a true friend, hold on tight and cultivate that friendship. remember birthdays, send thank you notes make sure they know you love them. If you have someone toxic in your life that only brings you down, cut them loose. They are not worth your time. 

Be Your Own Person:  Be a chief not an Indian. Do not follow the crowd, as the crowd could get you in trouble. Be your own person. Know you, and your likes/dislikes  What is wrong/right. Do not let others pressure you into anything. Being your own person is a little scary but at the end of the day, it feels really really good, knowing you made the right decisions for the right reasons. 

Trust Your Instincts:  Always trust your intuition. If it feels wrong, it is. Do not let others pressure you into anything. (see Speak Up for Yourself). 

Dress Nicely:  Wearing PJ's to the grocery store is not as cool as you think.  Your 20s are a time to experiment and learn what works best for your body type. Does not matter what size you are, find out what kind of jeans are the right fit for your figure, what size dress is most appropriate for your shape, and embrace what you are working with… Accepting your shape will help you look and feel your best. You never know when your next boss will be around the corner. 

Do Not Overextend Yourself: This goes from making too many plans to trying to live above your means. Every one needs alone time, do not feel bad telling someone you cannot attend their event or hang out (no excuse is needed, just 'I cannot' works fine). Everyone has secrets. They may seem to have it all together but could be up to their eyeballs in credit card debt. Do not try to keep up with others, just worry about you and what you can afford. If you cannot afford to go to that fancy restaurant, politely decline to go, go for appetizers only  or ask to switch to a different place.

Do Not Get Drunk: I know getting drunk seems like lots of fun and when you are doing it you think you are having the time of your life.  The next day all you remember is laughing and dancing and sometimes making out with that stranger. But it is NOT worth it.  You feel crappy the next day and you put yourself in a lot of harm. You never know if that stranger will date rape you, or talk you into going further than you wanted. You may think you were the  life of the party,. but really you made a complete ass out of yourself and just do not remember it.  Though someone may have gotten pics or video. It is never fun to hear what you did and that it was not as fun as you thought.  Super embarrassing and can RUIN your reputation. Drinking heavily is bad for your skin and your body (weight gain galore). So stick to a 2 drink maximum, your wallet, waste-line and reputation will thank you. 

Do NOT Drink and Drive:  This also goes with do not get in the car with someone who has been drinking. Always call someone sober to get you or take a cab, even if that person tells you they are okay. You do not want to be a vegetable because someone else made a mistake nor do you want to die. It is not worth it. They may get mad but that is okay. If you are designated driver, then do not have ANYTHING to drink at all.  It is not worth the risk.  If you are planning on drinking, have a DD, walk or cab it. 

Don’t Lose the Child in You:  I have to say, through all of these points, my #1 thing to remember is to never lose sight of yourself. You grow up a lot in your 20s, but you’re still young enough to have fun and bring out the little bit of kid that’s still left in you. You’ll have plenty of time to continue to grow up, settle down, have children, and worry about spending too much money. But your 20s are only a stepping-stone to that point. So go have a crazy night out with your girlfriends, get set up on a blind date, buy that expensive pair of shoes you can’t really afford, be weird and goofy, and go on adventure and travel! These are the memories you’ll cherish when you look back on these years.  When you get older, bills take over, hangovers take days to recover from and work gets in the way. 
  
Do Not Take No For an Answer: Always go for what you want.  Never take no for an answer as an adult. There is always a solution to your problem; you just sometimes need to think “outside the box” to get one.  Never doubt your instinct, it will not steer you wrong. 

Car Payments Suck:  Save up money and pay for a car with cash then keep it until it DIES.. car payments SUCK!  

Love:  Do not date for money or what could be or for the gorgeous guy,  as those things may or may not happen or last. date for love, long lasting, make your heart beat fast, float on air love. The one that you find attractive even if others do not, will be the one that will never cheat on you and will love you with all of his heart. 

Go to College: Excel in college and go for your masters and even doctorate.. the more education you have the further you will go. Never stop learning or looking for new experiences. Be well rounded.  Participate in MANY activities and clubs it looks REALLY good on a resume. 

Be Happy and Positive: Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be grumpy, stay mad at something or choose to be happy.  Irritations always happen, but you can choose not to let them ruin your day/month/year/life.  Make choices that will make you happy for a long time, rather than just focusing on the next two seconds.  Instant gratification is nice, but the big picture is even better!  Happy people are way more fun to be around and you make a lot more friends that way too.  Keep a positive outlook on life, and enjoy the downhill swings of life as much as the uphill, for without the bad, you cannot appreciate the good.   Love fully, and often.   Be happy with YOU and ALL else will fall into place! Have fun, enjoy life.  You only have one go at it.  

Be Selfless: Be nice to others. Treat others the way you want to be treated.  Do not lie to people, cheat on a partner or test. Do not steal or cut corners. Always be the best version of you that you can be and NEVER stop working on you. You can always improve. Smile at strangers. Help others in need even if they do not ask.  Sometimes the best time to help is when the other person doesn't ask. Be selfless instead of selfish. Being selfish may get your what you want in the short term but being selfless gets you much much more in the long term.  Helping others and volunteering is good for the soul and the community. Selfless people make the best partners and friends. Find others who are selfless and never compromise on that. You never want to be around selfish, negative people. They are a drain and will pull you down. 

Be Patient:  This one I struggle with.  Patience is learned slowly but learn it. 



Be Happy and Positive: Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be grumpy, stay mad at something or choose to be happy.  Irritations always happen, but you can choose not to let them ruin your day/month/year/life.  Make choices that will make you happy for a long time, rather than just focusing on the next two seconds.  Instant gratification is nice, but the big picture is even better!  Happy people are way more fun to be around and you make a lot more friends that way too.  Keep a positive outlook on life, and enjoy the downhill swings of life as much as the uphill, for without the bad, you cannot appreciate the good.   Love fully, and often.   Be happy with YOU and ALL else will fall into place! Loving yourself is the best gift you can give you. If you do not love you no one else can.  Never look to anyone else to make you happy. Happiness comes from within!  

Have fun, enjoy life.  You only have one go at it.  

Post 45 - 2013 Do not sweat the small things

Lately I have gotten really good at not sweating the small things. I feel irritation rise up and I try to squash it immediately. I try to think, "is this worth me getting mad?"  If no, then I let the irritation die down and move on. Even if it is worth getting mad, "is it worth me being in a bad mood and effecting those around me?"  NEVER!   I wish everyone could do the same. To me I do not want my entire day wasted (and sometimes I really just do not want to waste the person I am withs day because I am mad over something)  it is wasteful  selfish and unfair. If someone I am with has a bad day and is mad ALL day long, I have a choice like they do. I can choose to let their mood get to me, or I can choose to brush it off and have a good day anyway, even if they do not choose to let things go and have a good day. I do not want to sweat the small stuff. I want to be happy and fun and laugh. I do so love to laugh. I never want an entire day to be ruined over me choosing to stay in a bad mood. Life is wayyyyy tooo short for that.

So shake it off, go for a run, watch something funny, but do not let things get to you to the point where you waste an hour, day or really even more than 5 mins on being mad when there is so much good out there and so many things to laugh about. Life is way to short to sweat the small stuff!